


In My Blood

by lmjposie



Series: In My Blood [1]
Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Inspired by Music, Inspired by The Vampire Diaries, Lesbian Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-09-16 22:50:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16962963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmjposie/pseuds/lmjposie
Summary: A posie AU series based on songs from Shawn Mendes’ self-titled album.Josie Saltzman, aspiring artist, has hit a bump in the road. She's reminded of her ex-girlfriend Penelope Park and flashbacks ensue which inspires her to write the songs for her album.





	1. Particular Taste

**Author's Note:**

> With a posie drought upon us and not very many Posie fics i've taken it upon myself to write one. Buckle up lesbians! LETS GO LESBIANS

Josie had been stuck in a rut. She had been for almost two years now. Her dating life was practically nonexistent, she lived in a shitty apartment, and she was never satisfied with any lyrics she wrote. When she dropped out of grad school to pursue her music career, she thought it would be sunshine and rainbows, but it was anything but that.

 

“I don’t know what it is, MG. I need to get started on my album, I’m tired of singing the same old songs over and over again.” Josie groaned, downing her drink and sliding her empty shot glass to her bartending-best friend for a refill.

 

“There’s nothing in this beautiful city that inspires you?” MG questioned, refilling his best friend’s drink for the fifth time tonight.

 

Josie thought for a brief second before answering, “Nope.” The brunette girl responded before then looked down at her drink, swirling it around a little before downing it once more.

 

The light skinned boy pressed on, “Come on, there has to be something!” He then carried on helping other customers that came over to the bar.

 

“Like my drink, I’m coming up dry.” The brown-eyed girl responded when her best friend since birth returned, passing her empty cup to her.

 

“So, you’re telling me that no one in New York City at all has captured your heart? And if not, you can’t you draw from past experiences?” The bartender suggested, making sure to watch Josie’s reactions as she spoke, just in case he crossed any boundaries.

 

The girl on the other side of the counter shook her head. “Nada.”

 

MG knew Josie was avoiding the obvious, he knew the aspiring artist would get mad if he brought up “she-who-must-not-be-named” so he decided to see if he could draw it up out of the girl himself. “So, there’s no one that used to make and or currently makes the world stop, to make your knees go weak at the very sight of her?”

 

The girl’s face stayed emotionless, “Yeah, no.”

 

MG didn’t believe this one bit, “No one at all? There is not or was not a single person at all that made your head spin just from one kiss or made your mood lift by their mere presence?”

 

Josie’s stare faltered for a moment before returning back to its blank stare. “Nah, love like that is overrated anyway.” With that, she gulped down her drink before paying her tab and leaving without another word.

 

The entire Uber ride home, the brunette songwriter couldn’t stop the memories rushing through her mind. She had that someone once. “It wouldn’t make a good song” she thought. The second she got home, she opened up her songbook and it was almost like her hand had a mind of its own and the words just started flowing out of her.

 

\-- 

 

**_She don’t listen to a thing ‘less it feels right. Only dances when it’s Kanye._ **

****

Josie Saltzman had a crush and it all started August 16th, 2017. She didn’t know why she remembered the date she first laid eyes on her, she couldn’t even remember what she had for dinner the night before, but she remembered the first day she ever saw the girl. She remembers it like it was yesterday. She was in her section at the university’s freshman orientation and she just heard this beautiful laugh echoing through the gymnasium they were in. Surely, there was so many other sounds going around all around her, but for some reason, the cheery laugh caused her head to turn and captured her attention.

 

Josie’s eyes searched the room to find whoever’s laugh it was that caught her ear and her eyes landed on this brunette with her hair down and in loose waves who had her head thrown back in laughter. Her smile reached both of her ears and Josie’s swore her heart just did backflips. The other girl wore this black leather jacket that fit her perfectly. She subtly walked by her crush’s table to “throw something away” and overheard her talking with one of the other freshmen. When she did, the girl’s voice took her by surprise, her voice was lower and raspy, and it really suited her.

 

As she was walking by, Josie made eye contact with the girl with a beautiful laugh. When their eyes connected, Josie felt like a deer in headlights. The girl in the leather jacket had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, they were hazel colored with blue and green speckles. Suddenly, Josie felt self-conscious. Her hair was in two little braids and was wearing a fluffy brown jacket which reminded her of a teddy bear. They held eye contact for what felt like hours to Josie and her breath hitched in her throat. To her relief or disappointment (she wasn’t sure which one) the other girl broke eye contact and examined her from head to toe before turning back to the other freshmen she was talking to.

 

 

The brown-eyed girl never quite caught her name but when there were brief breaks and the gymnasium would fill with music, nothing made her crush dance quite like she did when Kanye came on. Josie watched as the girl with breathtaking eyes dorkily danced in her chair. She tried not to be a creep, but when she saw her do cheesy moves like the sprinkler or milk-the-cow, she couldn’t help but stare. There was something about this goofy girl.

 

Later, Josie told her best friend MG, whom she had known since fourth grade, about her crush. She referred to her as “Kanye Girl” for the time being. She thought it would be a harmless crush.

 

 

**_She can take you one-on-one if she feels right. You’ll be begging her for mercy, mercy._ **

 

As freshman year went on, Josie learned three things about her crush. The first thing she learned was that dorky girl she saw at freshman orientation only appeared in short intervals. It’s almost like she suppresses it so that she could get along with everyone. It hurt Josie’s heart to see, and she wished that the other girl could fully be herself. The second thing she learned was that “Kanye girl” was loyal. She stands up for her friends and she’s not afraid to. Josie had seen her around campus hanging out in the quad with a tall blonde-haired girl. One time, her crush’s friend seemed to have a problem with this guy and even though she was probably half the guy’s size both muscle wise and height wise, she stood up to him.

The third thing she learned, this one could be important; her name is Penelope. Penelope Park. Josie had spent time imagining what Kanye Girl’s name could be. Penelope, however, was a name she never would have predicted and boy, was it beautiful.

 

 ** _She’ll take your name and number then she’ll hit erase and walk away_**.

 

Both Josie and Penelope went to parties. On days that Josie didn’t want to go to a party, she’d remind herself that her crush would probably be there (she told herself it’s not stalking). Josie would always keep a distance and never approached the girl, she thought she’d never have a shot anyway. At the parties she noticed that her crush’s hand would linger on a guy’s arm for too long or how she’d laugh a little too hard at a guy’s dumb joke. Her crush was obviously straight.

 

She saw the girl talk to this guy, Rafael, who was in Josie’s communication class. They chatted for a little bit and she figured it somehow led to him wanting her to text him. She observed how the girl, formerly known as Kanye Girl, put his name and number into her phone. The girl then asked him if he could go and get them some drinks. When he left to go grab them, she deleted his contact and walked into the crowd of people.

 

Josie smiled to herself at this. She didn’t know if she was happy because that would mean her (straight) crush wasn’t going to text him. However, that happiness vanished almost as quickly as it came. She thought if she had done this to him, would she do the same to her if she were to finally grow enough courage to approach her? Josie made it a point to avoid looking at the girl the rest of the night.

 

Numerous parties later and with the end of freshman year approaching, Josie’s feelings for Penelope grew. Josie knew better than to crush on a straight girl, but she just couldn’t help herself. Everything the brunette did was mesmerizing.

 

**_She’s so obsessed with the chase, yeah she don't waste time on conversations, no_ **

**_She just goes right for the face, yeah_ **

 

Josie noticed that when her crush sets sights on someone, she usually gets what she wants. The thing is though, she’ll get bored easily and leave. Josie was in a psychology class and they were learning about mate preferences. Now, she’s no psychological expert but she figured the girl is obsessed with the chase because of two things: the fantasy ideal, and competitive nature.

 

Josie believes that Penelope craves newness and excitement. Josie thinks that Penelope is searching for what our culture glamorizes about love, the fantasy our culture has created, the excitement and happiness, but she doesn’t put in the time to stick around. She thinks that Penelope is hoping that the excitement she should feel is instantaneous. Josie suggested that when Penelope chases after these guys, she doesn’t actually want the person but instead wants to get what she thinks she needs: attention, affection, validation, and fulfillment. But after a guy calls her “cute” or finally kisses her, Penelope doesn’t find what she’s looking for and moves onto the next target.

 

As for competitive nature, Josie thinks that she just likes the hunt, she likes the thrill. The fact that she could have these guys at her beck and call gave her power. Josie doesn’t know if she was successful with everyone she went after, because how could she know from merely observing the girl and never interacting with her, but she imagined she’d never fail.

 

The brown eyed girl doesn’t know how her crush could possibly find what she’s searching for without actually having a proper conversation with these guys. She doesn’t understand why the girl is thinking with her lips and not her brain. Maybe one day though Josie could be the thing she was looking for.

 

**_Never pickin' up a phone 'less it rings twice, Only answers with a question, mhm_ **

****

Josie would vent to MG about Penelope and MG. To Josie’s excitement, MG had a class with Penelope and actually was somewhat friends with the girl. Apparently, in the class there was a group assignment, and everyone was pulling their weight of the work except for Penelope.

 

Josie was hanging out in MG’s dorm, focusing on her own homework when MG had groaned out of frustration for the millionth time that night.

 

The clock reached 7pm when MG finally gave in, “That’s it, I’m calling her.” He put his phone to his ear as he paced around his room as it rung. “Pick up, Penelope.” He muttered.

 

At the time, Josie was laying on her stomach on MG’s bed with her feet in the air, but upon hearing her crush’s name, she stopped to put her pencil down and looked up to see her best friend growing even more agitated by the second. When she didn’t pick up the first time, he immediately called her again.

 

“Finally!” Josie’s friend exclaimed as he plopped down on the bed next to her. “The groupchat is literally going insane right now. Our project is due tonight!”

 

Curiosity got the best of her and she switched her position so that she was laying found herself tilting her head to try and hear the girl on the other end of the line. MG noticed the girl’s snooping and decided to put his phone on speaker.

 

“There’s a project?” Josie heard the raspy voice ask.

 

“You damn well know there was a project. Please get your work done, our grades depend on it.” Her best friend reasoned.

 

There was a pause at the end of the line, “You’re all nerds, can’t you get it done for me? Please?” her crush asked, noticing how her voice lowered by the end of the question. Josie could almost picture a pout and puppy dog eyes being on the other end of the line.

 

MG shook his head.“Nah that’s not gonna work. We can’t pick up your slack, Penelope. Get it done.”

 

The girl with hazel colored eyes let out an audible groan before mumbling an “I guess.” Without another word, MG ended the call and tossed his phone to the side. He sighed, staring up at the ceiling.

 

“I don’t get why you like her, Jos, she can be irritating at times.” He voiced aloud.

 

**_She’s got particular taste, yeah._ **

****

Josie let out a small chuckle before responding, “I don’t know either, MG. Trust, me, if I had any control over my crush, I wouldn’t have chosen to crush on a straight girl that’s basically a player."

 

The two stayed silent for a little while longer, lost in their own thoughts.

 

Josie’s mind wandered through every moment she ever saw her hazel-eyed crush. _Why do I like her?_ she thought.

 

For one, she’s intrigued by her. She wants to know why the girl’s goofy side only comes out once in a while. She wants to know if her theory about Penelope being obsessed with the chase is actually right. To Josie, Penelope is mysterious to her and she wants to find answers. Josie doesn’t know why, but she’s always liked girls who were mysterious and complex.

 

Two, her looks. Every aspect of the girl’s physical appearance was spectacular. Her eyes that practically change color to match what the girl was wearing? Extraordinary. Her naturally light pink plump lips? Spectacular. Physique? Breathtaking.

 

Then, there’s her height. While she never actually got close enough to the girl to actually compare height, she could already tell that her crush was slightly shorter than her. Figures, she was a sucker for short girls.

 

There’s the girl’s style. She doesn’t quite know how to describe the girl’s style, but it was like feminine, but the outfit almost always had a hint of tomboyness to it. Most of the time, her crush would wear something that’s typically “girly.” Instantly, Josie’s mind went back to the time where Penelope had worn a plunging white crop top that perfectly showed off the girl’s stomach. The crop top also showed off her black lace bra. Along with that, she wore navy pants held up by a small black belt. Around her neck, the girl wore a black ribbon-like choker necklace? She didn’t really know how to describe it but the way she pulled off the entire outfit had Josie sweating.  She noticed that her crush always wore this long necklace. She wondered if it had a special meaning to her or it just went with every outfit.” The other thing is, you’d never catch the girl in sweatpants. Even in the worst of weather, her crush always seemed to be dressed up. Maybe not totally all done up like when she wore the crop top, but the most “dressed down” she’d get is wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans (which still looked phenomenal by the way).

 

And she also liked the hazel-eyed girl’s voice. It was raspy and low. It was like music to her ears. She would listen to it all day if she could.

****

**_I’m so obsessed with her, yeah_ **

 

Josie concluded that she was borderline creepy for noticing all of that without having ever spoken one word to the girl. But she really didn’t care. Penelope caused every head to turn the moment she walks into a room. So, she thought maybe it’s not _that bad_ that she may have noticed a thing or two about the girl.

 

However, she took it to the next level. She pretty much took it upon herself to stalk the girl’s social media accounts. She never followed her, not on her personal account, at least. Instead, she made a fake private profile to follow her on instead. She checked the hazel-eyed girl’s page every night. But Josie Saltzman was in denial that she was obsessed.

 

 


	2. Queen

**_It's hard to believe you don't remember me at all. Am I hard to recognize?_ **

****

Sure, Josie wasn’t the most noticeable person in a crowd, but she was pretty sure the girl before her would’ve recognized her. Granted, her regular appearance was a lot different than what it was at the mellow kickback the hazel-eyed girl first interacted with her at. That night, she had traded her glasses in with contacts, her hair was back in tight braid and she was wearing a light pink dress. It was a significant contrast to her normal appearance where her light brown colored hair would be put into a ponytail, her glasses perched on her nose, and how she typically wore a sweatshirt paired with ripped jeans. But she was sure the other girl would have recognized her. Maybe this is how Superman feels when nobody recognizes him without his glasses.

 

**_You say, "nice to meet you" every time. Yeah and I made you laugh. I still remember what I said._ **

****

Josie had interacted with the brunette goddess three times before their friend groups had combined. Her twin sister, Lizzie, became friends with Hope who was best friends with Penelope. Plus, MG was already somewhat friends with Penelope too, so it made sense that they all started hanging out together.

 

But she remembers exactly what she had said every time. The first time, at the kickback, she remembered accidentally bumping in to her because she was busy trying to fiddle with the knobs of her ukulele, in attempt to tune it as she walked.

 

“Oh my god,” Josie panicked, “Sorry for running into you, I wasn’t paying attention.” The hazel-eyed girl apologized, internally screaming because this is the first time ever that her crush would actually be speaking to her. “Hi, I’m Josie.”

 

“That’s alright, I’m a clutz too. Nice to meet you, Josie. I’m Penelope.” The other brunette greeted. Josie wasn’t necessarily surprised that Penelope had acted this way towards her. She knew that the girl was sweet when it came to meeting people for the first time, but she didn’t know if the combination of alcohol in her system or the fact that she could’ve possibly injured her would’ve made her act in a more hostile manner.

 

The next time they met was in the quad on campus where Josie doesn’t know how, she’s never done anything sporty in her life, she can’t even walk straight, but she was in the middle of walking to her next class when she saw Kaleb, a guy who lived on the same floor as her, sending a football heading straight for the girl who had clouded her thoughts all year. Sprinting as fast as she could towards the hazel-eyed girl that was somewhat nearby, she made it just in time to catch the ball before it could cause any harm.

 

“Ah, my hero. Thanks for saving me…” The brunette trailed off.

 

“Josie. My name is Josie.” The girl panted breathily, both because the ball may or may not have knocked the wind out of her a little and the fact that she was actually talking to her crush, sober this time.

 

“Nice to meet you. You’re a real lifesaver, but I’ve gotta get going.” The girl politely answered. “Thanks again, Josie.”

 

The third time was at a frat party. Her sister dragged her to party on Halloween, hoping she’d get laid to release all of her negative energy since she had been so cranky lately.

 

After hanging around Lizzie for a while, she decided to go and get some air. Most of the time, Josie loved parties, except this time all she wanted to do was go home and strum mindless cords on her ukulele. Besides, her costume sucked anyway.

 

“I can’t tell what you are, a basketball player that can’t swim?” She heard a voice yell over the music.

 

The taller girl turned around, smiling at the girl who had plagued her thoughts as of late. “I’m actually a Dunkin’ Donut! Get it?” She laughed, pointing at her donut inflatable and making a motion as if she were shooting a basketball.

 

Penelope let out a small laugh. “Cute. Can you guess what I am?”

 

Obviously, like maybe 20 other girls at the party, she was a sexy bunny. But instead of pointing out the obvious, she decided to play dumb. “Hm… Oh! I get it, you’re Bugs Bunny except female!”

 

Once again, the other girl laughed. “Not quite.”

 

The girl took another moment not only to subtly check out the girl in front of her, but also to ponder another thought as to what she could be in order to insight another laugh. “The Energizer bunny except without the drums or sunglasses?”

 

This one caused her crush to let out a breathy laugh. It took her a little while to recover from her fit of laughter. “Good guess, but nope.”

 

“Easter bunny?” She asked with a hopeful look.

 

“Nada, any more guesses?” The shorter girl smiled.

 

“I’m going to have to say you’re the rabbit from the Trix commercial in his latest disguise.”

 

“That’s exactly who I am!” The brown eyed girl chuckled. “I’m Penelope.”

 

Josie already knew that. How could she forget the name of the most beautiful girl she had ever seen? But she wasn’t surprised, this happened the last time she interacted with her too. She cleared her throat before responding, “Josie.”

 

The rest of the night gets pretty hazy after that. She faintly remembers that they spent the remainder of the night talking, learning things about one another. Two vodka sodas and five shots later, the two ended up in a tiny bathroom together.

 

The second Penelope’s lips touched hers, she sobered up pretty quickly. Her brain went haywire. Penelope fricken Park was kissing her! Her brain went from wondering “wow, her lips taste like cherry, I wonder what kind of Chapstick she uses” to “could I actually have a shot?” to “is this a dream?” Josie told herself to keep calm and let the whole scene play out. While her brain was attempting to make sense of the whole situation, her body seemed to have a mind of its own. Pretty soon, the both of them were hungrily taking off each other’s clothing.

 

Well, at least Lizzie got what she had hoped for.

 

**_I know we got a lot of mutual friends, don't say my name, don't come up in your conversations._ **

 

Weeks had passed since the Halloween party and one of the things that night Josie had found out that she and Penelope had similar majors. They actually had classes together, although they never knew since it was such a big lecture hall.

 

When they were introduced to each other after their friend groups joined forces, there was apparent shock on Penelope’s face and she initially tried avoiding eye contact with the girl. Eventually, the two sat together in these classes they shared but their conversations mostly seemed to be academic, never straying from it often. It was a stark contrast to the night of the Halloween party where they had deep conversation, where they talked about what ever came to their minds.

 

On the other hand, Lizzie and Penelope apparently were lab partners. The two were actually somewhat friends, mostly getting along. So, Josie figured that after their last interaction that she’d for sure had made an impression on the brown eyed goddess. So, she not-so-subtly questioned Lizzie every chance she got.

 

“How was chem lab?” Josie brought up as they walked through the quad.

 

“Absolute hell. My lab partner managed to drop the test tube we were using like four times. Sometimes I wish I could work alone.” Her fraternal twin groaned.

 

Using this as her segue, Josie asked “Who’s your lab partner again?”

 

“Penelope. I tell you this all the time!” The other girl said, remembering how she’s had to have told the brown-eyed girl this six times in the past two weeks.

 

“Oh, right.” Josie stuttered. “Did I tell you that I talked to her at the Halloween party? Did she ever talk about that?”

 

Her sister thought for a second. “No idea, she hasn’t really talked about the Halloween party.”

 

The brunette just nodded, a little hurt that she could just be a distant memory to the girl that clouds her mind. Nevertheless, she changed the subject with her best friend moments later.

 

It didn’t take Lizzie very long to catch on to Josie’s not-so-subtle questioning. After four weeks, the brown-haired girl learned that her name hadn’t come up once. Much to Josie’s dismay, she suspected that Penelope probably thought of her as just another hookup to her.

 

**_You think you're too cool making beautiful look ugly the way you put yourself above me._ **

 

Penelope acted like what happened to them on Halloween had never even happened. The only time the two would hang out alone would be when they had to study for a test in their shared classes. When the older girl would try and bring up anything pertaining to Halloween, the hazel eyed girl would brush it off. Sometimes she’d even talk over the other taller girl or treat her coldly.

 

**_You treat me like I got nothing on you making beautiful look ugly._ **

****

At the Halloween party, Penelope told Josie that she had not come out yet. She said that she was bisexual, and the brown-eyed girl was only the third person she had ever told. Josie could out Penelope to their entire friend group. She could, but she didn’t have the heart. She wasn’t cruel unlike the girl who had clogged her brain. Besides, Josie knew first-hand how it feels to get outed when you were not ready.

 

She had been a junior in high school. She had been aware of her attraction to females for a while now. She had even been seeing a classmate of hers from music class. One minute she and her had been making out in the music room after practice. The two had thought the place was empty, when Landon Kirby walks in, raises an eyebrow at them, snaps a picture, and posts it on the school’s gossip site. The next day, Josie was on the receiving end of these deadly, judgy glares as she walked down the hallway. Her classmate had been out prior to the incident, while Josie had been in the closet.

 

**_I shouldn't stress about the fact that you're not impressed. Are you playing hard to get? Or maybe you're not interested?_ **

 

Josie tried putting a little more effort into her appearance. She spiced up her wardrobe and traded her mom jeans and sweaters for some more tight-fitting clothing. She’d get reactions from everyone except the one girl she was hoping to impress. The brown-eyed girl gathered up enough courage to try flirting with the girl when they were alone in between classes. Each time, her attempts were either shot down or ignored. With every shut down the brown haired girl was growing even more agitated.

 

**_I don't understand why everybody thinks you're sweet 'Cause I see the opposite. No, you're not so innocent._ **

****

Penelope was practically a raging bitch to Josie. When their friends were around, she’d be slightly more polite. When Josie tried explaining the behavior to everyone else, nobody was able to see it from her perspective. They told her that she was reading too far into things, that she was just overreacting. Nobody caught on to the difference between how Penelope treated her versus how she treated someone like MG. With MG, Penelope would animatedly talk to him. She would always listen to him and never interrupt her.

 

**_I see the way you're lookin' through me right now to see if there's somebody cooler around._ **

****

In between classes when Josie would try and shoot her shot, Penelope would always seem preoccupied. She would pretend to look right past Josie in hopes of seeing if there were any cute boys around in hopes to distract herself. Little did Josie know, the shorter brunette was in denial. She actually did remember Josie since the first time they met. Her cold exterior was just her defense mechanism. She was only out to three people, the girl in her mind being one of them. This was the only other girl she ever really had feelings for and first one she actually slept with. It scared her. She knew that her friends wouldn’t judge her for her sexuality. She didn’t know why she kept dodging Josie’s attempts to flirt with her. From what she learned at the Halloween party, from her friends, and just being around the girl (even though she was kind of a bitch to her) the girl was loyal, passionate, and an all-around good person. She knew that Josie would treat her right, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave the safety of the “closet.”

 

**_Who made you the queen?_ **

 

Josie had given up on her quest to go after Penelope. Her heart could only take so much after being shot down time and time again. She caught up with Penelope in between classes less and less. Instead, she started hanging out with Rafael, whom she saw Penelope ditch at a party once, but he actually was a pretty alright guy. He was a business student who had no problem showing her interest in Josie. The two were laying in the grass of the quad and Josie had her head on Rafael’s stomach. The two were talking about whatever came to their minds as they pointed out what the clouds in the sky were shaped like.

 

“Josie Saltzman!” A familiar voice called out.

 

The brown-eyed girl sat up, watching as a very mad looking German-Indonesian girl came stomping towards her. “What’s up, Penelope?”

 

“Josie, a word please?” The petite brunette gritted out.

 

The other girl looked at her, confused. “I’m kinda in the middle of something?” She said exasperatedly.

 

“I said please.” The girl said, her patience running thin.

 

Josie looked at her incredulously, “You’re not some sort of queen, you can’t just storm over here and demand me to do something.”

 

Without another word, the feisty brunette tugged her away. Josie gave Rafael an apologetic look. The brunette hauled the taller girl into the first building that she saw, which happened to be the library. She pulled her into an empty area between shelves before planting a long-awaited smack across Josie’s cheek. The sound of Penelope’s hand hitting Josie’s cheek rang out through the quiet library. 

 

“What the fu-” Josie whisper-yelled, internally screaming because of the sharp pain in her cheek. Before she could finish her sentence, Penelope smashed her lips into Josie’s. The two started re-familiarizing themselves with the territory.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to update because it's week one of the posie drought. We can get through this! 
> 
> P.S. I didn't really proof read. Sorry for any mistakes.


	3. Mutual

**_I want you close to me. I want you close, I want you closer._ **

 

This had been what Josie had been dreaming of ever since she met the girl. She got to kiss the girl who she thought was way out of her league, she got to hold her, and she got to touch in ways nobody else can. Well… it was almost what she wanted. She couldn’t do it in public. No matter how badly she wanted to pull the girl in close to her while she was hanging out with their friends, she couldn’t. What hurt more was that they had to act like things were where Penelope was a cold-hearted bitch to Josie.

 

**_But when you're here with me, it's hard to tell just what you're after._ **

****

They didn’t talk about what they were. Josie was told she had to end things with Rafael, and she did with no question. All Josie knew is that she doesn’t want it to end so she just never brought it up. Penelope acted one way when they’re together and nobody is watching, but when they were with their friends, she was acting boy-crazy. Josie started to question whether or not she’s just being used as the “experiment” that girls do in college. She wondered if she’s just a friend-with-benefits to her. She even went as far to wonder if this is just a bet that she made.

 

**_You say you want me all of today but tomorrow’s not the same._ **

 

One day, they’re sneaking around hooking up in one of the girls’ rooms and Penelope makes Josie feel like the most special girl in the whole world. She makes her feel wanted and that the hiding from the world would only temporary. But then, the next day it’s like it never even happened. Penelope would treat her like dirt at school and it’s like she’s back to square one and she just had a hopeless crush on the girl.

 

One time, Penelope was showing something on her phone to a friend when a message from Josie had popped up on the screen.

 

“Are you and Josie Saltzman like super close now or something?” Receiving a questioning look from her friend.

 

Penelope’s heart spiked, “What? No! Not really. She’s probably asking about an assignment for class.” She reasoned.

 

Her friend seemed to buy the excuse, but Penelope’s heart was still racing at the thought of being exposed. She was cold to Josie the rest of the day, whether they were around their friends or not. She even took it upon herself to start being seen with Jed, a boy from the wrestling team.

 

**_My feelings never change._ **

 

A few days after Penelope’s scare, things had cooled down a bit yet the brunette still had yet to explain her actions to the brown eyed girl. The shorter girl acted like she hadn’t been acting different the past few days and still invited Josie over to her house. Josie realized that she was really starting to like Penelope. Even though the hazel eyed girl had been hanging around Jed more often and getting a little too touchy for her taste, she still really liked the girl and it wasn’t changing.

 

**_What do you want from me? What do you want?_ **

****

Even after very much convincing and relentlessly persisting, Penelope would not let Josie take her out to a proper date. The young twin tried everything, suggesting that they’d go to a place far away from campus, leaving extra early in the morning so nobody would see them, or even taking two separate cars. Regardless, Penelope was set on her decision. They couldn’t leave the comfort of their own homes. It was too risky in her mind. Josie was getting frustrated. She had so much love to give but the other brunette was resisting all of her efforts for it to go anywhere. She bottled it up inside, but she was ready to blow.

 

“What do you want from me?” The brown eyed girl exclaimed.

 

“What are you talking about?” Penelope responded, surprised from the girl’s sudden outburst.

 

“You change the subject whenever I try to talk about my feelings, or anything about us. And now you’re not letting me take you on a date far away from where anyone can see us. I get it that you’re scared of what people think but, Penny, our friends will understand. They accept me, of course they’d have no trouble accepting you. And from what you’ve told me about them, your parents don’t seem to be the type of people to really care. Your mom is as far liberal as you can be and even though your dad isn’t that extreme, he’s gonna love you for who you are.” Josie ranted.

 

“I think you need to leave.” Her crush gritted.

 

“Oh, I see it now.” Josie scoffed. “You only want me over here so you can get a quick fuck.” Josie bumped Penelope’s shoulder roughly on her way out.

 

The two didn’t talk for two weeks after that.

 

**_I need to know if this is mutual before I go and get way too involved._ **

 

Josie bit the bullet. She finally caved and reached out to Penelope. Said girl had been hanging around Jed frequently and it made her blood boil. The girl seemed as if their falling out didn’t affect her whatsoever. The thought that she really was just a quick fuck swirled around Josie’s brain. After she knew Penelope’s last class for the day ended, she found her on her way back to her car.

 

“Penelope!” She called out. “Can we talk, please?”

 

The brunette visibly rolled her eyes and motioned for her to walk with her.

 

“I’ve missed you so much these past two weeks,” Josie started, “Did you miss me too?” She asked, stopping them in their tracks, searching Penelope’s eyes for any hint of lies.

 

When Penelope didn’t respond, Josie deeply sighed. “I need to know if this is mutual. I really like you Penny. I need to know before I end up getting hurt. Am I just a game to you or do you care about me too?”

 

**_I want you bad, can you reciprocate?_ **

****

“The past two weeks have been torture for me. I’ve grown so accustomed to falling asleep next to you. I see you with Jed and it pains me. I feel my heart breaking because I want to be the one that gets to be one of the reasons that you smile or the reason why you laugh. I want to be the one that gets to hold your hand or take you to nice places. God dammit, do you feel the same about me too?” The girl went on in tears, pouring her heart out to the girl of her dreams.

 

“I-.” Penelope was at a loss for words. It’s not like she didn’t want to say anything to the girl, it’s just that she couldn’t. Her mind was running so rampant that she couldn’t formulate any sentences.

 

**_No, I don’t want to have to leave but half of you is not enough for me._ **

 

Penelope kept walking without a word. Josie stood there with her heart on the floor. “I don’t want to walk away from this.” She choked out. “But I can’t just have you when it’s convenient for you.”

 

The hazel eyed girl halted her steps, taking in every word Josie said. Before she could even register it, she spun around and ran back towards Josie. With that she crashed her lips onto the other girl’s. “I’m sorry.” She mumbled in between kisses.

 

“I don’t know what I feel but I know that I don’t want this to end.” Penelope told the girl before her.

 

**_This inconsistency. What does it mean? You got me questioning._ **

 

Things changed after that moment. Penelope started being nicer to Josie when they are around their friends. When asked, she’d say that her and Josie were actually friends. But she still hung around Jed. She was still touchy-feely with Jed. She still gave the tall, dark haired boy a bright smile and looked at him differently than the way she looked at Josie. And it wasn’t a good kind of different. Josie took notice and it gave a pang in her chest.

 

Penelope still didn’t let her take her on a date, however. They were still confined to the girls’ homes. “I’m going on a date with Jed” Penelope revealed after the two had slept together for the millionth time.

 

“Does it mean anything?” Josie gulped, staring at the ceiling.

 

“Hmm” Penelope thought aloud. “No, I don’t think so.”

 

**_The way you act and take it back, do I mean anything? Just tell me honestly._ **

****

The fact that Penelope had to think about her answer made Josie a little uneasy. What did she mean that she didn’t want this to end and that she kissed her in the middle of campus but is now going on a date with a guy?

 

Her eyes linger a little longer on Josie when they’re with friends, but they linger a lot longer on Jed. The brunette was getting fed up. Her heart didn’t want to face the ugly truth that maybe, just maybe, she didn’t mean anything to the hazel eyed goddess.

 

**_Are you playing me? Is this a game?_ **

****

Penelope doesn't call Josie when she says she’s going to. She knows that life may get in the way and she’s pretty busy sometimes but when it happens multiple times, she gets suspicious. What makes matters even worse is Penelope suddenly comes up with rules as to when the two can see each other. She says Thursday night are strictly study nights with a group of people from their political systems class. She says that Josie could lay off on walking her to class every so often. She also makes sure Josie promises to call her whenever she’s coming over, there are no more impromptu hang outs whenever Josie wants. However, Penelope doesn’t have to call whenever she wants to come over.

 

**_When you show up late, say love at 2 AM then tell me you can't stay._ **

****

The majority of the time, Penelope is late whenever they hang out at Josie’s. Yeah, Penelope isn’t the most timely individual and tends to show up late to everything, but this time, it’s excessive. They make plans to hang out at 11 but she would end up showing up hours later at 2am. It became a habit for Josie to leave her window unlocked and fall asleep until the girl came over. Sometimes she wouldn’t show up at all. It bothered the girl more than she’d like to admit.

 

One night, Penelope came in through the window more than fashionably late. The two made small talk, which wasn’t new because they barely talked about real things anymore. It inevitably led to the two slipping each other out of their clothing and sleeping together.

 

After Josie was too exhausted to go any longer, Penelope made a move to gather her clothing.

 

“Woah, where do you think you’re going?” The young brunette asked, grabbing her arm to stop her.

 

“I can’t stay.” The German-Indonesian replied.

 

Josie was confused. “Pen, it’s like 4 a.m. you can’t go out right now.” She then lifted up the blanket and patted the spot next to her for the girl to come lay with her.

 

“I’ve gotta go, Jojo.” Penelope replied. Throwing on her shirt and heading towards the window.

 

Josie sighed in defeat as she watched the girl leave. She let out a muffled scream into her pillow. This was ridiculous.

 

Penelope leaving Josie’s home in the early morning became a routine. The brown eyed girl was sick and tired of it.

 

**_Baby, I need to know if this is mutual._ **

 

The girl she’s faced with now seems like a complete stranger to Josie rather than the girl she had gotten to know on Halloween four months ago. She let this go on for a far too long because she wasn’t ready to let go of the girl she felt like she only had half of. She didn’t bother calling Penelope to let her know that she was coming over. That dumb rule was meant to be broken anyway.

 

When she made her way over to Penelope’s house, she noticed Jed’s car was parked in the same spot the brown eyed girl instructed her to park. She wasn’t allowed to park by the curb in front of her house. No, she had to park a few houses down. Josie gritted her teeth and sped past the black mustang and parked right in front of the girl’s house. She waited a moment to gather her thoughts before confronting the girl, but she saw Jed exiting the hazel eyed girl’s home through the front door. The girl seemed to be yelling at him about something Josie couldn’t make out before slamming the door shut. He stomped past her car, kicking over the trashcan in front of the house in anger.

 

With a sudden rush of adrenaline, Josie hopped out of her car and made a beeline for the front door. She loudly knocked waiting for an answer.

 

“Jed, what the fuck did I tell you before coming back he–“ Penelope groaned before realizing that it wasn’t the tall boy at her door, it was the girl that constantly plagued her mind.

 

“Have you been seeing him this whole time?” Josie insecurely asked, all of her adrenaline suddenly gone.

 

“I– “The hazel eyed German-Indonesian started. There was no use lying anymore so she decided to tell the truth. “Yeah.” She sighed.

 

Josie only nodded. “So that’s why there were all these rules.”

 

“Speaking of rules, you were supposed to call before coming over.” Penelope pointed.

 

Josie frustratedly yelled, “Well that won’t be a problem anymore because I’m ending this, once and for all. I’m not about to get hurt any longer.”

 

Penelope’s face twisted, “Get hurt? Jo, I thought you knew this was just a friends-with-benefits kind of thing?”

 

Josie scoffed. “No, Penelope, I didn’t know that. You don’t talk to me about what we are! You barely even say more than ten words to me when we are together!”

 

“But you don’t talk to me about your feelings either! I thought this was just a fun little thing for you.” Penelope replied.  

 

“Don’t you get it Penelope?” She exasperatedly let out. “I’m in love with you! There’s nobody else for me! There’s no one I’ve even had an eye on other than you, I broke things off this Rafael as soon as you asked me to! I thought that was pretty obvious.” She said, panting because of her rant.

 

“Oh.” Was all Penelope could muster.

 

“Oh?” Josie sarcastically laughed. “Oh is all that you have to say after I just poured my heart out to you again! Forget it, Penelope. I came here to ask if this thing we had going on here was mutual, but I’ve gotten all the answers that I need.” With that, she turned away and started heading for her car.

 

“Jo, wait!” Penelope called out.

 

“Don’t worry about it, I won’t tell anyone about us and I sure as hell will leave you alone.” Josie replied, not bothering to look at the girl with tears in her eyes.

 

“That’s not what I was gonna say. Stop, Jojo.” The hazel eyed girl tried once more.

 

“Have fun with Jed.” She replied.

 

“I’m not seeing Jed anymore.” Penelope explained, finally catching up to the girl.

 

“Could’ve fooled me! I just saw him here.” The other girl heatedly answered.

 

“I called things off with him. That’s why I was yelling.” She reasoned.

 

“That doesn’t change the fact that I thought you were only seeing me. Tell me, did he fuck you as good as I did? Huh?” Josie spat.

 

“No.” Penelope timidly said.

 

“So you broke up with him and now you’re crawling back to me because he doesn’t fuck you better than I can. Gee, thanks Penelope. That makes me feel so much better.” The lighter haired brunette chuckled sarcastically.

 

The other girl stayed quiet for a moment, gathering her thoughts. She then spoke up “No, I broke up with him because not only that, but he also didn’t make me feel things like the feelings that I get with you. It took me a while to realize it because I had been running from it. I was scared, and I didn’t want to accept it. I thought that maybe I could transfer my feelings for you onto someone else, but I just couldn’t. I was gonna end it with him sooner, but it was just easier to be with him, it felt more normal.”

 

Josie loosened her grip on the handle of her car door and listened on.

 

“But I’m ready to experience more with you. I don’t wanna just exist, I want to live. I feel more alive when I’m with you. I’ve just been pushing you away and I’m sorry. I’ll try and be better, I promise. Because…” Penelope trailed off not having enough courage to say what she wanted to.

 

Josie’s eyebrows rose, and her face softened, “Because why?” Her voice gently prodded.

 

“Because… I love you too.” The other girl revealed, her heart beating out of her chest.

 

The words Josie only dreamed of ever hearing had just become a reality. Josie’s smile reached her ears because of what the shorter girl had admitted. She knew that she loved the girl but she really didn’t expect for the girl of her dreams to say it back. She was taken by surprise and her heart was doing backflips.

 

The only logical response Josie could come up with was to kiss her. So she did, she shut her car door and ran over to the other girl and kissed her. She kissed the girl that had been toying with her heart for a while now. The kiss was magical, it felt like they were the only two people in the world and all their problems, all the fights, it just disappeared. The two momentarily parted for air before hungrily locking lips again. Penelope pushed her against the hood of her car, making sure that they were as close together as possible as they kissed for a few minutes longer, not giving a care in the world who saw. 

 

The rollercoaster of emotions that Josie endured to get here was worth it in her mind. She finally got through to the girl and maybe their relationship would be better from here on out.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff is coming, don't worry it's not all angst!


	4. Fallin' All In You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have cried like thirteen times while writing this. Prepare for the waterworks! And also lemme know what you guys think.

**_Sunrise with you on my chest_ **

****

It had been two weeks since Penelope had declared her love for Josie. The day after Penelope revealed to Josie that she loved her, things were better

 

The duo was laying on a blanket in the middle of the park, watching the sun rise. Penelope’s head laid on Josie’s chest, listening to the calming sounds of her breathing. The two were in bliss and Penelope had wondered why it had taken her so long to finally accept her feelings.

 

“Jojo?” Penelope voiced.

 

“Hmm?” Josie hummed in response, continuing to play with the other girl’s hair.

 

The smaller girl mumbled, “Thank you for being so patient with me. I know it couldn’t have been easy. I’m sorry I hurt you for so long.”

 

Josie halted her motions, prompting the hazel eyed girl to lift her head up and look at the other girl. “You don’t need to apologize, babe. I’ve already forgiven you. I’d wait for you for ten years if you needed, just as long as it means that I get to be with you.”

 

“How do you do that?” Penelope questioned.

 

“Do what?” Josie responded.

 

The smaller girl smiled, “Make me fall even more in love with you.”

 

She returned the smile and said, “Come here.” and brought their lips together for what might’ve been the trillionth time.

 

Josie’s eyes fluttered closed and they easily get lost in the kiss. She gets lost in the way their mouths move in synchrony, the way Josie’s hand instinctively finds its way to rest on Penelope’s hair, or the way Penelope’s hands rest on Josie’s cheeks.

 

 

**_No blinds in the place where I live._ **

 

Penelope came out to their friends a couple days after she admitted her feelings for Josie. As expected, they accepted her and supported without a problem. Still, it was one of the most terrifying things Penelope had to do.

 

She had told them that her and Josie are dating, and Lizzie jokingly told Penelope she was glad she came to her senses and finally admitted her undying love for her sister. She then not-so-jokingly threatened her that if she were to break her sister’s heart (again), she’d burn her world down.

 

Pretty soon, word about the couple spread around campus. Penelope Park was now officially out as bisexual. Also, as expected, not everyone was super accepting. Jed took it pretty hard. He called her a few names and although it had put a dampening on Penelope’s mood, Josie was there to cheer her up and helped her learn how to ignore other people’s comments about her sexuality. Everything was out in the open and everything was clear. There was no more sneaking around, no more lies, no more rules. In a sense, it was like the blinds were finally off and everything about Penelope could finally shine through.

 

 ** _Daybreak open your eyes ‘cause this was only ever meant to be for one night_**.

 

What started as a hookup at a Halloween party, turned into everything Josie and Penelope had ever wished for. They were happy and in love.

 

**_Be yours, be my dear so close with you on my lips touch noses, feeling your breath_ **

 

Although the two loved each other, they weren’t officially dating. Neither of the two had formally asked each other to be their girlfriend.

 

The two were coming home from watching a movie when Josie drove past the exit they were supposed to get off on.

 

“Uhh, babe, you just missed the exit.” Penelope pointed out.

 

Josie only shrugged, “I guess we’re taking the scenic route back.” Minutes later, she then pulled into the parking lot to the lake.

 

Penelope joked, “Last time I checked, we don’t live at the lake. What are we doing here, Jo?”

 

“Do you trust me?” The girl asked.

 

“Normally I would say of course, but we’re kinda in a dark parking lot in Mystic Falls at 10 o’clock at night. We’re both small and frail, we’ve got no defense. It’s a little sketchy.” Penelope retorted.

 

“Oh, shut up!” Josie laughed, lightly hitting the other girl’s shoulder. “Take my hand and close your eyes.”

 

“Alright, but if I die, tell my mom that I-” Penelope stuttered. “I ate the last piece of the tres leches cake even though it was hers!” She finished seriously.

 

Josie giggled, “You’re such a dork, come on.” She said as she took her hand and led her past the gate and down the eastern part of the beach.

 

“Oh my god, you’re going to kill me aren’t you! You’re gonna kill me and dump my body into the lake!” Penelope joked once more, moving one hand exaggeratedly while the other was covering her eyes. “What kind of killer takes six months to do this, you’re not a very good murderer if you ask me.”

 

“Right, I should’ve asked Penelope, the professional murderer, for how to properly murder someone, my bad.” Josie deadpanned finally reaching the destination.

 

“Excuse me, that’s Penelope Park, the serial killer to you, buddy. Put some respect on my name!” She laughed.

 

“You’re impossible.” The other girl chuckled, “Open your eyes.”

 

Penelope opened her eyes, expecting to see Josie holding a shovel to whack her in the head, when in reality she saw a small gazebo littered with fairy lights. Her eyes wandered the gazebo, noticing a few lit candles, In the middle of the gazebo was a small rounded table with a bouquet of different colored roses sitting on top. Next to the table there were two chairs opposite of each other. One chair was empty while the other seemed to have a picture frame of some sort propped up on it. As the hazel eyed girl got closer, she noticed that it read

 

The Night You Captured My Heart

The Stars Above

Mystic Falls, Virginia

October 31, 2017 at 9:49pm

 

Penelope was in awe. Her eyes filled with tears. “That was the night we met” She choked out. She turned around to look at the girl that she absolutely adored with everything in her to find her standing there with a giant stuffed bear.

 

“At 9:49pm on October 31st you changed my life forever. The heartache that it took to get here only made us stronger and I would do it all over again if I had to.” Josie shakily breathed out, holding back tears, “That is what the Virginia night sky looked like at the exact time and day you asked me what my costume was. I remember because I was looking at my phone almost ready to text someone to come and pick me up. It’s crazy to think that if I had texted someone even a minute before that, I don’t know if we’d even be together.” By now the tears were freely streaming down the hazel-eyed girl’s face. “Truthfully, I’d probably still be crushing on you from afar and asking MG about you.”

 

“I love you so much, Penny. Would you please be mine? And I’ll be yours.” The girl managed to choke out.

 

Penelope didn’t have any words to say, instead she just ran up to the girl and crashed her lips into hers. The invigorating kiss was answer enough but Penelope rested her forehead against the other girl’s. Their breathing uneven from the crying and the intense kiss. “Of course. I love you.” The shorter girl wrapped her arms around Josie’s neck and pulled her in for another kiss.

 

After a short while, they pulled away just enough to be close and still feel their breath. They stayed in comfortable silence for what felt like hours, enjoying each other’s company and listening to the distant sound of the waves hitting the shore. “How did you even do this?” The brunette asked, breaking the silence.

 

“I had a little help from my serial killer friends.” Josie joked, referring to their banter from earlier.

 

Penelope wandered back to the table, pulling Josie with her as she ogled. She noticed the different colored roses perched in a tall vase that had “hearts that love are always in bloom” engraved on the glass.

 

“Is there meaning to the different colored roses? Or is it just because you liked the pretty colors?” Penelope asked.

 

Josie let out a small laugh, “Yes, the colors are pretty, but yeah there’s meaning. The white one represents young love because we were eighteen when I first saw you, and nineteen when we actually met. We had the whole world ahead of us and we’re only twenty-three now and although we still have the whole world ahead of us, it’s still young love. A white rose also means loyalty and says, ‘I am worthy of you.’” Ignoring the fact that it sounds like we’re in Medieval times and I’m like one of the princes trying to win the hand of a princess. Anyway, I honestly don’t believe I am, worthy of you at least. I am not worthy of the love you show me, how much you care for me, I am not worthy of being in your presence because, well, you’re you, this beautiful, mysterious, breathtaking goddess. But I still got the rose because I know you think I’m worthy of you.”

“You’ve always been worthy to me, Jojo.” Penelope cried, “It’s me who’s not worthy of you.”

Josie pecked her lips knowing it’s useless to argue with her over the fact that she _is_ worthy. Moments pass, and Josie starts explaining another color of the roses.

“Yellow represents friendship, joy, and caring. I got it because we’re friends first. You’ll always be my best friend and you can always come to me for comfort, for support, for anything. I’ll always care for you and it’s never not a fun time when I’m with you.”

Penelope smiles widely and leans forward to capture another delicate kiss. The kiss lingers, it’s unwavering, it’s filled with all the words they couldn’t say. When Josie eventually pulls away, Penelope pouts at the loss of contact but knows there’s still more explaining to do, so she watches as her, now, girlfriend drawls on.

“The deep pink one represents gratitude and appreciation because I appreciate everything you’ve done not only for me, but for yourself too. I know we both wouldn’t be who we are today if it weren’t for each other. The pale pink represents gentleness, admiration, and affection. You’re gentle with me and it warms my heart. You treat me so well and I admire you for that. I admire how you treat other people too. I remember one of the first things I noticed about you was how you treat your friends. You’re loyal to a fault and you stand up for your friends and you’re not afraid to. I remember how you during Freshman year, you stood up for Hope when one of the boys was taunting her.” Josie smiled at the memory. “Even though you were probably half the guy’s size both muscle wise and height wise, you stood up to him and put him in his place.”

 

Penelope swore her heart was melted in a pool of goop because of the other girl’s words. She loved how attentive the girl was. She peppered her girlfriend’s cheek with kisses and motioned for her to continue.

 

“Orange symbolizes admiration and attraction. It’s no secret that I’m attracted to you.” Josie started.

 

“Oh really? I never would’ve guessed!” Penelope sarcastically remarked.

 

Josie only rolled her eyes before continuing, “There’s an underlying message of passion and excitement because, well, let’s be real. You excite me in more ways than one.”

 

Penelope raised her eyebrows with a knowing smirk.

“And a lavender rose because it means love at first sight. Some people don’t believe in it, personally I thought it was some cheesy movie bullshit, but I knew from the moment I saw you in the gymnasium at freshmen orientation that you’d always have a special place in my heart. Although you didn’t totally capture my heart, like you did on Halloween the year after, I still would like to think of what we have as love at first sight. You looked me up and down after I pretended to throw something away and something about the way you looked at me had me awestruck.”

 

Penelope hummed, “I know there’s another meaning to that color too.”

 

“And what’s that?” Josie questioned.

 

“It’s another way of saying ‘I love you.’ And it’s a daily reminder of your love and eagerness to grow your relationship.” Penelope returned.

 

“That it is. How’d you know?”

 

“I planned on giving you one.”

 

“And why haven’t you?”

 

“Because I was going to give it to you tomorrow, when it would be exactly three months since I first told you I loved you.”

 

“Stop being so cute, this is supposed to be my moment!”

 

Penelope rolled her eyes jokingly, “Alright, princess, go on.”

  
Josie took a deep breath before finishing. “The majority of them are red because that means love, you know, the basic stuff. But the red ones are surrounding all the different colored ones because I just want you to be surrounded by love and passion. I wanted to encompass my unconditional love for you.”

Penelope rushes forward and kisses Josie, hard. Her hand instantly grips the back of her neck and she’s aggressively locking their lips together. She’s fervently sucking and licking on the girl’s lips. More than ever before, the heat between their legs grows.

**_I thought I knew it all. Found love but I was wrong more times than enough. But since you came along, I’m thinking baby you are bringing out a different kind of me._ **

 

The two were sitting on a blanket by the shoreline, eating a couple of chocolate covered strawberries, Josie made sure to make this night the cheesiest, most cliché romantic night she could therefore chocolate covered strawberries were a must.

 

“You know, I was right, you did murder me. You murdered me with how fucking cute and thoughtful this was.” Penelope started, pulling away from their previous position and playing with their intertwined fingers. “God, I thought I knew what love was before, but this is nothing like I’ve ever felt before.”

 

“How do you mean?” Josie responded.

 

The hazel eyed beauty didn’t know how to describe it. “It’s like, you just make me feel calm just by your presence. You don’t even have to touch me, and I’m calm. It’s like all my past relationships were like poison and you are the cure. You’ve shown me love like nobody else before. This is the sweetest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.”

 

“And you just bring out a whole new side of me. I joke around a lot with everyone else like Hope and MG, but they don’t connect with me like you. You actually laugh at my jokes. Before, I used parties as my way to escape and just leave my reality behind for a minute. But now that I’m with you, I never want to just escape because if I do, I’d be leaving you behind. Life before you came along was just boring and monotonous.” Penelope continued. “You bring adventure, curiosity, spontaneity, you give life meaning.”

 

 ** _There’s no safety net that’s underneath, I’m free falling all in_**.

 

“God, I can’t believe that for even a second, I considered dating Jed instead of you. But he would’ve been a safe choice. If I were with him everything about my life would still be boring.” Penelope voiced out loud. “I know we have our issues and I don’t know what else we have on our journey but I’m so ready, I’m so excited. I’m falling with you and I’m falling for you even more.”

 

The brown eyed girl only smiled bashfully before speaking, “You have such a way with words. It’s one of the things I love most about you.” She closed the distance yet again, capturing her favorite lips between hers.

 

Penelope scoffed, “Uh says the girl who literally just had a whole freakin speech about the colors of roses and how they apply to me!”

 

“Well yeah, but you always talk, and I get too caught up in the way you speak, it’s mesmerizing. Your vocabulary, the way your mind works, everything. You so intricately string your words together it’s amazing to see.”

 

“Agree to disagree?” Penelope suggests.

 

“Fair enough,” Josie gives in. “Oh, I almost forgot! I got you a necklace.”

 

“A gazebo lit picnic on the shoreline, with roses in an intricate vase, plus a frame from the night we met AND a necklace?” Penelope pointed, “How the fuck am I supposed to top that?”

 

“Is it wrong for me to want to spoil my girl?” Josie shrugged.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with that, you’re just putting me to shame here. I’m going to look like the worst girlfriend ever when I show up at your door tomorrow with a single lavender rose.

 

“Hmm. I’ve got other ways you could make it up to me.” Josie whispers seductively before walking back to the gazebo.

 

Penelope’s jaw drops because of Josie’s newfound courage. She’s never been this forward before and Penelope scrambles to catch up to the girl.

 

**_Fast forward a couple years, yeah. Grown up in the place that we live. Make love, then we fight._ **

 

Almost three years later, Josie and Penelope lived in an apartment together. They were both fresh out of college with their respective degrees. They had matured quite a bit. Josie had lost all of the baby fat in her cheeks. Josie even jokingly wished that all the fat that was in her cheeks would’ve traveled down to her butt (to her other cheeks). Josie had decided to ditch the glasses and preferred to wear contacts. Penelope always cherished the rare moments where Josie would wear glasses. She thought it made her look cute and nerdy.

 

Penelope didn’t seem to need maturing, she was already breathtaking before. After Josie accidentally burned some of Penelope’s hair, (truthfully, it was both of their faults since the two were having a heated make out session next to the stove while they were cooking) causing her to cut it. Penelope decided to keep her hair short, rocking a lob, as she called it. She pierced her nose. She had a nose ring for about a year but decided on sticking with the stud instead. Josie said it fit her best anyway. They adopted a seven-year-old schnauzer poodle mix named Bodhi.

 

Like any couple, they fought. But they made up within a few hours. They made sure to always communicate with one another how they are feeling no matter what. They were each other’s best friends, it was only right.

 

**_Laugh ‘cause it was only meant to be for one night. I guess we can’t control what’s just not up to us._ **

 

Although their official anniversary is May 1st, they celebrated the night they met more. For their one-year anniversary, Josie bought Penelope a star and named it Dunkin in reference to the costume Josie wore. Penelope bought Josie an engraved necklace of her favorite constellation. Drawing was one of Penelope’s secret talents. Granted, she could practically do anything, but drawing seemed to be one of her favorite pass times. So, for their two-year anniversary, Penelope created a little sketchbook of their story. Penelope promised to add to the sketchbook as their journey continues. Meanwhile, Josie bought Penelope a black cat, one, because she knew that the girl was obsessed with cats, and two, because she wanted a cat before they compromised and got Bodhi. Penelope named the cat Murphy’s Law. Josie chuckled because that was such an odd name. Who names their cat after an adage that means “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.”

 

**_Every time I see you baby I get lost. If i’m dreaming, baby, please don’t wake me up. Every night I’m with you I fall more in love. Now I’m laying by your side, everything feels right since you came along._ **

 

They say that hazel eyes are the best eyes. Penelope begs to differ. Her favorite color is the caramel color of her girlfriend’s eyes. She could get lost in those eyes if she wanted to.

 

Josie was baffled by how she managed to date the hazel eyed goddess. She didn’t understand how someone she thought was way out of her league would possibly want her. Falling asleep next to the girl every night had to be one of her favorite things. She loved how cute her girlfriend looked in her pajamas. She adored how the brunette couldn’t go to bed without her stuffed toy, Fishy. There was nothing cuter than the sleepy look her girlfriend would get. There are days that she fears going to sleep because she’s worried this is all just one giant dream. But her worries fade away when her girlfriend pulls her in and cuddles her, mumbling sleepy sweet nothings in her ear.

 

 


	5. Perfectly Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope Park is perfectly wrong for Josie Saltzman. Maybe that's why they were made to break.

**_Taste the poison from your lips. They leave, we’re as good as gone_ **

Josie sat alone at the dinner table, like usually does nowadays, in her and Penelope’s shared apartment. She stared at the empty seat across from her, picking at the full plate of food in front of her. She’d suddenly lost her appetite. Like tonight, Penelope would say she’d be home in time for dinner but would show up way past dinner time.

Josie could feel Penelope slipping from her fingertips. Communication used to be their strong suit, but now that fell through. And Josie could sense that she’s no longer Penelope’s best friend. She noticed how Penelope returned home from work late. Many times, she’d come home, stumbling over the furniture, drunk out of her mind. And when she’s not at work, she’d be out with friends at the bar. Josie concluded that her girlfriend was basically deliberately avoiding her. And Josie couldn’t believe it. Her girlfriend of almost three-years was treating her the way that she used to when they were in college. She’d set her aside and only pay attention to her when she needed her. She thought that they’d grown from that. She thought they’d matured from that. She thought it would’ve all been a distant memory. She didn’t want to be 19 again and constantly wondering about her relationship.

Josie always came up with a speech for what she was going to say to her longtime girlfriend. She’d write it out, rehearse it in the mirror but the second she saw the hazel eyed girl, she’d forget about everything. Even more so, on the rare occasions that Penelope didn’t go out, and they’d spend the night in, enjoying each other’s company, Josie was head over heels all over again.

They had only recently fallen out of the honeymoon stage, not from lack of trying on Josie’s end, so they kissed less. But when they did, Josie could taste the alcohol on her lips. She almost never saw Penelope without a bottle of beer or a glass of wine in her hands. It bothered her more than she’d like to admit. She didn’t want her girlfriend to become an alcoholic at the age of 22. But she feared that if she intervened, it would be their biggest fight of all. They’d been fighting a lot more recently too. Mostly about Josie’s comments about her girlfriend’s drinking habits. They’d also fight about small things like forgetting to feed the cat or not picking up the mail.

But they eventually made up. Like most people do. All it took was just one kiss and all would be forgotten. When they kissed, Josie was transported back to their simpler times. How happy she was. How in love she was. How she thought everything would be okay.

**_Oh, our love is drunken in. Singing me my favorite song_ **

Penelope’s smile could light up the whole world, that’s what Josie thought whenever she saw it.

Penelope was standing by the kitchen island of their friend’s apartment, talking to Hope and Davina. Josie couldn’t help but stare.

It was a rare occasion where Penelope had invited Josie out with her. Normally, Penelope would go solo, but tonight, for some reason, her girlfriend decided to want to be seen with her.

“You’re staring.” Lizzie pointed.

“I know. How could I not when she looks like that?” Josie replied. Taking in the sight of her girlfriend in a blue and white ruffled dress. Her girlfriend’s hair was perfectly curled and her hair was tucked behind her ear on one side, showing off her dangling white pearl earrings.

Josie wasn’t surprised when Lizzie rolled her eyes and walked away. She never really liked Penelope much.

Josie’s eyes stay trained on Penelope. She’ll never understand how someone could be so effortlessly breathtaking. She smiled even bigger when she saw the girl walk over to her.

“You’ve been eye-fucking me for a while, thought I’d come over and say hi and for you to keep it in your pants.” Penelope joked after pecking her lips.

“Hello.” Josie giggled. “Sorry, I can’t help it when you look like _that_.”

Josie closed her eyes as the other girl held her. She basked in the scent of alcohol and vanilla that radiated off of the girl. Sure, Josie woke up with Penelope’s arms wrapped around her every morning, but it had been a while since Penelope had shown much public display of affection with her. Josie felt the way that she did when she heard her favorite song. She felt relaxed, content, and most of all, carefree.

An hour later, the party had died down and it’s just a handful of them in their friend’s apartment. It feels nice, Josie hadn’t really hung out with these people, other than Lizzie, since forever ago. She’d been too invested in her work for grad school. It feels even better, though, because Penelope is hugging her from behind. Josie’s a bit tipsy from the few beers she’s had, but she’s drunk just off the touches her girlfriend gives her.

 

“You look so good.” Penelope slurred into Josie’s ear.

 

Josie suddenly feels her face go red. She’s not sure if it’s because of the words itself or the fact that Penelope whispered it to her while Josie was explaining one of her classes to her friends. It was so out of the blue.

 

It reminded her of their spontaneous declarations of “I love yous” from early on in the relationship. She thought that maybe despite everything that’d been going on that they’d be okay.

**_Me and you, we were made to break. I know that’s true but it’s much too late_ **

 

Josie thought things would change after the party. But things went back to how they were. As if the night had never happened. Penelope would ignore her and stay out after work, tumbling home drunk. Josie would take care of her. Because she loves her.

 

Josie vented to MG about it.

“Josie, I don’t want to ruin this happiness you have with her, but I don’t think that’s what a healthy relationship looks like.

“It’s not that easy.”

MG let out a sigh and looked at Josie.

“Maybe not, but I’m just saying. Let her go and maybe you could find true happiness somewhere else.”

“I thought that she was the one, MG.”

MG offered her a sad smile and gave his best friend a hug.

Josie is lost in thought. She’s had so much history with her. She’d known her for five years, dated her for three. There was too much to throw away.

 

Josie finally confronted Penelope about her drinking problem. Penelope had stumbled home after work the night before. Josie was over it. It was morning, they were getting ready for their day. Josie was making coffee and Penelope came down the stairs complaining about having a killer headache.

 

“You say this almost every morning but you continue to go out and drink yourself into oblivion.” Josie remarked.

 

“Are we really doing this again?” Penelope raised a brow.

 

“You drink almost every night, Penelope! You go out to the bar with your friends doing God knows what and come stumbling home expecting me to take care of you. I’m sick of it!”

 

“I didn’t ask you to take care of me.”

 

“I’m your girlfriend! I take care of you and you take care of me. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

 

“Where is this coming from?”

 

“Is it wrong of me to be concerned about my girlfriend? You practically threw up your organs last night! What will it take to get you to stop?”

 

“I-I did that?” Penelope stuttered. “I don’t even remember that.”

 

“That’s exactly the problem! You drink and you have no recollection of what you’re doing! Do you know how many times you drunkenly want to sleep with me? We barely have sex anymore, hell you barely even kiss me anymore but I still tell you to stop!”

 

“I’ll lay off the drinking.”

 

“You better, because I’m tired of it. I just want us to go back to the way things were. I miss you.”

 

Penelope pulled Josie into a long hug and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll try and be better, I promise.”

 

**_You’re perfectly wrong for me and that’s why it’s so hard to leave_ **

 

She stuck to her promise about laying off the drinking. Only for a short while though. A couple of weeks later, Penelope came home drunk after work. She tried to hide it from Josie. She attempted to get ready for bed, getting tangled in her clothes. The stench of alcohol fills Josie’s nose and it’s all it took for Josie to know what’s up.

 

Josie’s selfless and Penelope’s selfish. It’s why they’re perfectly wrong for each other. Because of it, Josie helped her girlfriend out of her clothes without a word. She held her hair back as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She got the girl water and medicine to help dull the pain. Josie helps put her to bed and Penelope doesn’t even bother to thank her.

 

Josie didn’t sleep that night. She just stared up at the ceiling while the other girl had her arms draped around her. Normally it felt nice, it felt warm, it felt safe. But tonight, the sensation was strange, cold, unwelcoming. Josie was uncomfortable. She shimmied out of the sheets and took her pillow. She slept on the couch that night. Bodhi went and joined her, keeping her company.

 

Josie thought about what leaving Penelope would entail. She’d have to find a new place to stay since this technically was Penelope’s apartment. She’d have to talk to her about who gets the pets. She’d have to change everything about her routine. Everything that she knew would be different.

 

**_You’re perfectly wrong for me. All the stars in the sky could see_ **

 

Looking up at the sky used to be Josie’s and Penelope’s things. Lately it’s just been a Josie thing. She thought about the present that she’d gotten Penelope on the night she asked her to be her girlfriend. That girl who she fell in love with back then was not the girl that stood before her now. Josie wondered where it all went wrong. What changed?

 

Still, Josie didn’t have the guts to break things off with the girl. It was killing her to see her drunk and rugged, but she’d rather have her in her life like that than to not have her at all.

 

**_Oh, you know how much it hurts every time you say you hate me_ **

 

They fought even more. Over the simplest of things. One time Josie blew up at Penelope for adding too much sugar to her coffee. She’d thought that by now, she’d at least have known she liked two packs of sugar in her coffee.

 

The fights always ended in “I hate you.” Mostly by Penelope. They rarely said “I love you” anymore. Josie seemed like she didn’t mind much. Her girlfriend made her want to rip her hair out the majority of the time. But in her heart, she knew she still loved the girl. It hurt Josie to hear that their exchanges of “I love you” was replaced with “I hate you.” She never said anything about it though.

 

**_But when we’re making love, you make it worth it. Can’t believe the places that you take me_ **

 

They’d make up. With make up sex of course.

 

They’d just finished with an intense screaming match over God knows what. The tensions are high and they’re inches apart. Josie is nervous because she doesn’t know what Penelope is going to do. But Penelope kisses her neck and Josie’s mind goes blank.

 

Josie knows that it’s moments like this where she decides to be selfish. So it becomes Josie’s lips against Penelope's and it’s Josie’s lips on Penelope’s neck and Penelope’s hands tangled in Josie’s hair. It’s messy and both of them are so caught up in the moment and Josie thinks that things are okay.

 

Penelope wrapped Josie’s legs around her waist and carried her to the bed. They crash down on top of each other with their lips still locked together. Their lips move hungrily, sloppily. It’s a stark contrast to how they used to be. Penelope used to be so careful with her, almost nervously because she was afraid to break her. But now, Penelope hastily removes their clothing and attaches her lips to Josie’s again.

 

The night went on, both of them getting their fair shares in.

 

When Penelope does that thing with her tongue that she knows Josie likes, Josie’s breath is caught in her throat. But she managed to let out a soft moan and Josie felt like she was in another world. She felt ethereal.

The cycle continued into the wee hours of the morning. Penelope would call in sick for work and Josie wouldn’t bother showing up for class. They’d pull the sheets over their head and fall asleep against their naked bodies only to start again when they felt re-energized.

**_There’s no use, we were made to be. I know the truth, it’s much too late_ **

Josie knew there was nothing else out there for her. She thought that Penelope was it for her. It’s evident in the small things. The way that Penelope still would draw her hearts on the mirror from all the steam from the shower. The way that she’d leave the crust of the poptarts for Josie because she knew that’s the only part of the poptart that she enjoyed.

 

Josie was in so deep with the girl. Josie was hopelessly in love with her. There was nothing she could do about it.

 

**_You’re perfectly wrong for me and that’s why it’s so hard to leave._ **

 

Penelope was Josie’s other half. She was the one that evened Josie out. She was the breath of fresh air that calmed Josie down. The mere presence of the girl used to calm her. But lately, the sight of her would make her blood boil.

 

Though there was still some good aspects of the relationship, like the way their dynamic in the morning never changed, the domesticity of it all was relaxing, the bad parts outweighed it. The way Penelope would blow Josie off to hang out with her friends. The way she _still_ came home drunk. It’s not nearly as bad as it used to be, but Josie still has to pry the bottle from her hand, to hold her hair back as she vomits into the toilet, and help her get undressed. The way that Penelope disregarded basic duties like feeding their pets, washing the dishes, folding the laundry. Josie was annoyed. She wasn’t a maid. She’d be tired after a long day of class and she’d have to come home to do all the chores and help her drunken girlfriend. Her patience was running thin.

**_Oh, and why I can’t quit when you break my heart open_ **

 

The final straw was when Penelope missed their anniversary dinner. Josie had given her a heads up about it a week in advance. She’d remind her everyday also, but Penelope dismissed it.

 

Josie sat at the table, wearing an uncomfortable pink dress and her hair in a braid. She had been there for an hour. She probably would’ve waited all night if she hadn’t been kicked out since the restaurant was busy and she was taking up a much needed table. She was worried and confused because she didn’t know where her girlfriend was. She was embarrassed because she’s pretty sure the waiters had a bet for how long it would take for her to leave. She was angry because she should’ve seen this coming. Most of all, she was hurt. Hurt because her girlfriend never showed up for their three-year anniversary.

 

She kept texting her girlfriend. Asking where she was. Her phone chimed and her heart sped up. _Finally_. She thought. But the text wasn’t from her girlfriend. It was from her sister.

 

**Lizzie: Penelope was here at a party with Hope.**

 

Her heart was on the floor and she was ready to end it. It was long awaited, but it had to be done.

 

But then she saw her. Running towards her, eyes filled with tears and Josie forgot all about it.

 

“I’m so sorry, Jojo.” Penelope apologized.

 

**_I need you more than I know. Oh, and I can’t resist when you’re up against my skin. I never wanna let you go._ **

 

Her rational thought told her to be mad at her, to run the other way. But Josie never thinks rationally when she was around the other girl. So, Josie engulfed her in a big hug. She held her in her arms again and she didn’t want to let go.

 

“I got caught up at work.” Penelope explained.

 

“That seems like your only excuse nowadays.” Josie fired back before she could even think.

 

Penelope looked shocked. She didn’t expect that kind of response from her forgiving girlfriend. “But it’s true?”

 

Josie nodded and continued to hold onto the girl. She knew that Penelope was lying. She couldn’t believe that Penelope would so easily lie to her. Josie shed a tear but she still stood there, holding her regardless.

 

**_Oh, you’re perfectly wrong for me. Hate that you know that I won’t leave._ **

 

They don’t talk about the anniversary dinner. Things go by like it never happened. Josie returned the gift that she was going to give Penelope.

 

Her heart had been trampled into a million pieces. Her heart was exhausted but she knew that she didn’t have the strength to leave her.

Lucky for her, she didn’t need to be.

 

“I think we need to break up.” Penelope said out of nowhere. Josie was sitting at the counter while she did her homework and Penelope was laying on the couch watching TV.

 

“What? Why?” Josie looked up.

 

“This isn’t working.”

 

“So you’re just going to give up on us?”

 

“Oh come on, Josie. I know you’ve been thinking about it too.”

 

“Sure, but I was never going to go through with it! I don’t want to throw away all of what we have!”

“What do we have, Josie?”

 

“History. A past. We’re supposed to be each other’s best friends. We can’t give up on that.”

 

“We don’t even talk anymore, Josie! I’m never home for us to. Don’t you get it? I’m pulling away and I thought you would’ve taken the hint by now.”

 

“I knew you were pulling away, but I love you too much to leave you.”

 

“That makes one of us.”

 

“What? What do you mean?”

 

“I love you. But it’s because I love you that I have to do this. What I’m doing to you is toxic and you deserve better than that- better than me.”

 

“No,” Josie disagreed. “You’re exactly what I need. I love you.”

 

“I purposely forgot our anniversary and you still want to be with me?”

 

Josie stayed silent. Penelope had a point. Josie was originally going to break up with her. Penelope did it before she could though.

 

“Okay.” Josie relented.

 

“Just take care of yourself, please? The way that you took care of me? Promise you’ll love yourself as much as you loved me.” Penelope voiced.

“You know I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” Josie said softly before she gathered her stuff and went to her car. She drove a short distance just so she didn’t have to see her, now, ex-girlfriend. She willed back tears before she pulled over and hit the steering wheel out of frustration and cried. She cried until she physically felt drained.

With whatever energy she had left, she drove over to Lizzie’s apartment who welcomed her with a tub of ice cream and open arms. Josie vented to Lizzie about everything, apologizing that she didn’t tell her about it sooner. Lizzie forgave her and let her cry on her shoulder. Despite not liking Penelope, she didn’t judge Josie. Not once did she ever say "I told you so." Instead, she just held her sister and let her release all the emotions she’d pent up.

  
_**Yeah, you're perfectly wrong for me. Yeah, you're perfectly wrong for me.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story. I originally only planned to have this be 8 chapters but I've decided to make it 10. So we're halfway (; 
> 
> Lemme know what you think, my twitter is @lmjposie


	6. Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie and Penelope want each other, but no one will break first. Until... Someone does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although I'm not quite happy with this chapter, I think it's as best as it'll get. Please be warned that there is smut in the beginning of this chapter. I don't usually write smut, but I tried my best.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, my twitter is @lmjposie

**_I know a girl, she’s like a curse. We want each other, no one will break first._ **

 

Josie still lived at Penelope’s. Josie knew that it was a recipe for disaster. But it was Penelope’s idea, actually. She said that they could turn the office into a spare room. That way they wouldn’t have to fight over who gets custody of their pets. Josie could sense that wasn’t the true reason why Penelope still asked her to stay. But she didn’t question it. She’d rather have Penelope close by than not at all. Lizzie thought it was a bad idea. MG too. But Penelope was her kryptonite and she never thought rationally when it came to her. 

 

Penelope slowly started to come home more often. But the routine of caring for the girl when she came home drunk never changed. The only thing that changed was that instead of falling asleep with her ex girlfriend’s arms around her, she fell asleep cuddling Bodhi. 

 

But one night, Penelope and Josie went out with their friends to the club. Josie got drunk. Penelope, like she did on most nights, also got drunk. 

 

Penelope was dancing with a girl a little too close for Josie’s comfort. So she glared at her ex. Penelope noticed and she stared back. With liquid courage, Josie would find a way to discreetly draw her attention away, either by subtly touching her ex or getting close with another person. Then, Penelope would do the same thing Josie did. And the cycle continued. 

 

They’d unspokenly declared a jealousy war. If everyone weren’t so intoxicated or if anyone actually paid attention, they’d see it. The two would pull in random strangers, flirt with them even. But when the strangers would try and actually make a move on them, they’d look the other way because the girls had no real interest in them. They were just using other people to get a rise out of the other. It was clear the Josie and Penelope wanted each other. But neither of them would do anything about it. 

 

The night out with their friends ended. They’d silently shared an Uber ride back to the apartment. When the two arrived home the sexual tension between them was through the roof. And Josie broke.

 

They awkwardly entered their apartment and stood by the door. Against her better judgement, Josie slammed Penelope against the door and did what she had wanted to do all night. She kissed her. Penelope instantly returned it. The alcohol in their system was just beginning to subside but their lips had each other intoxicated all over again. Josie kissed down from Penelope’s mouth to her jaw. Penelope drew in a deep breath in an attempt to quell her quickly dissolving composure. She then went to her neck, spending extra time sucking and tracing her tongue over the spot at the base of her throat that she knew made Penelope weak. She made her way further down, kissing between the valleys of the girl’s breasts. She could see the goosebumps on her ex’s skin. She revelled in the fact that she still had this effect on her. 

 

But then Penelope switched their positions. And Penelope’s on top. Penelope’s kissing down her neck and she stops behind her ear. Her breath tickling her skin. 

“I never told you how sexy you looked tonight.” Penelope whispered into Josie’s ear before pulling her lobe between her teeth and her hands began roaming her body freely. 

 

Her hot breath against her skin sobered Josie up pretty quickly. Josie came to her senses. “Penelope.” Josie weakly contested as Penelope ventured further down.

 

“Do you want me to stop?” Penelope asked as she made her way back up and hovered just above Josie’s lips.

 

“This feels wrong.” Josie voiced out of breath.

 

Penelope husked. “But I’m about to make it feel so right.” She dipped her head bringing their lips together gently.

 

“I’m serious.” Josie said, breaking from the kiss. “We’re drunk and we’re not together anymore.”

 

“Shh. Just let me make you feel good.” Penelope hushed, kissing her way back down her jaw again. But returned back to her lips. 

 

Josie let her. Josie let her because she still loved her. She needed to feel close to her again. Then, they’re stripping each other out of their dresses. And soon enough, the two were exploring each other once again. Penelope guided Josie onto her bed  in the midst of their heated makeout. 

 

Penelope moved her lips to Josie’s neck and she smiled slightly when she heard the girl gasp for air. She roughly pulled a small patch of skin between her teeth, biting it gently before soothing the area with her tongue. She continued leaving open mouth kisses along the girl’s neck. She left a trail of kisses from there to her navel. Slowly, she kissed the insides of Josie’s thighs and hovered over the spot where Josie needed her most. Her hot breath made Josie’s head spin.

 

“For someone who wanted me to stop, you sure do look like you want this.” Penelope smirked and cupped her warm center.

 

“I need you,” Josie whined.

 

“You’re so wet.” Penelope ran her fingertips beneath the band of Josie’s lacy thong. She slid it to the side a little bit, exposing Josie’s center. “Do you want me to fuck you, Josie? Fill you with my fingers until you come all over them.” 

 

“Yes.” Josie panted. She had lost all sort of restraint when Penelope pressed against her straining nub. “Please, Penelope.”

 

Penelope pushed one finger into Josie’s core, which immediately tightened around it. Penelope moved at an extremely teasing and slow pace. But, she was letting Josie adjust.

 

Josie let out an aggravated moan as she threw her head back. She needed more. Penelope smiled as she pushed another finger inside of the girl, feeling the girl’s walls stretch around her.

 

“Harder.” Josie begged.

 

“Hard and fast, just how you like it?” Penelope quipped, still moving her fingers in and out at a painfully slow rate.

 

“Mmhm.” Josie said through clenched teeth. “Fuck me Penelope, please!” She moaned as Penelope began to pick up her pace.

 

Penelope pushed her fingers as deep as they could go, curling them inside of Josie before stilling them completely. Josie felt as Penelope lowered her mouth towards her bundle of nerves. The girl gave her a teasing lick as her fingers began pumping in and out again. Josie grasped desperately at the sheets of Penelope’s bed.

 

She whimpered louder when Penelope began sucking on the girl’s throbbing nub. 

 

Penelope could feel herself growing more and more turned on. The way that Josie was moaning her name, watching her reaction as she came closer and closer to her climax. 

 

“I’m so close.” Josie breathed out, dropping her head back to Penelope’s pillow. 

 

Penelope eagerly picked up the pace, her forearm burning, but continued on nonetheless. She pushed her fingers deeper and curled them inside of the girl. As soon as she did, she felt Josie tighten around her digits and her body began to shake. 

 

“I’m coming, fuck, I’m coming.” Josie panted as her back arched against the bed.

 

Penelope began to slow her movements, helping Josie ride out her orgasm as the girl continued to release a gush of wetness onto her hand. She attached her lips to Josie’s swollen clit, circling it with her tongue and felt the girl under her twitch. She finally relented and slipped her fingers out of her and Josie sat up, instantly guided her ex’s hand to her mouth. Penelope had never seen anything hotter than the girl sucking her fingers clean. 

 

“Lay down” Josie ordered in a whisper when she had lapped up all that she could.

 

Penelope instantly obeyed Josie’s wishes. She watched as Josie straddled her thigh while her knee was pressed up against Penelope’s center. Josie rocked her hips and the two moaned. They found a good rhythm of Josie pushing her knee into Penelope’s center while she rubbed her own against the thigh under her. All the while, Penelope pulled Josie’s face down towards her and their mouths became reacquainted with one another. Josie could taste herself on the girls lips too. 

 

After a few moments of franting bucking from Penelope and hips grinding from Josie, and sloppy kisses from both of them, Penelope was getting close.

 

“Jo.” She moaned as she came undone. Penelope shuddered against her ex and clutched onto Josie’s naked back.

 

They slumped down onto the pillows, their skin flush together. Their hearts pumping fast, breaths panting, and the release of all their sexual tension. The two passed out not long after Josie made Penelope feel as good as she just did. 

 

When they woke up beside each other, their naked bodies entangled with one another, they don’t talk about it. Josie had been awake for a while now, but she was pretending to be asleep. Just so she could soak in this feeling. But she felt Penelope freed herself from her hold and got up from the bed. The bed felt cold and lonely, just like Josie’s heart all over again. Penelope had grown used to ignoring things (and people) nowadays.

 

**_So many nights, trying to find someone new. They don’t mean nothing compared to her, and I know._ **

 

After that night, Josie tried getting with other people.

 

She took MG’s advice who suggested that the best way of getting over someone is to get under someone new. She knew this wouldn’t work. She knew that it was just a cliche, but it didn’t stop her from trying. She desperately needed to feel something other than longing and heartbreak.

 

She’d go to Roussea’s, drown out her sorrows, and hook up with the first person that gave her any attention. Disappointed, but not surprised, Josie found that none of them ever made her feel half as good as Penelope did. She figured she should stop comparing them to her because she didn’t have a strong emotional attachment to them like she did with Penelope. But she couldn’t help it. 

 

She couldn’t stop thinking about how her the girl made her heart leap up out of her chest. How she’d feel the world fade away whenever they kissed. How her lips were soft as pillows and tasted so sweet. How her beautiful hazel eyes would look at her with love and compassion rather than these stranger’s eyes looked at her with lust. How their words never touched her heart quite like Penelope’s used to. How their voices sounded foreign. Everything paled in comparison. 

 

**_When people ask us now, we just brush it off. I don’t know why we act like it means nothing at all._ **

 

Josie was fed up with trying to find someone to fill the void. She caved. She came home from Rousseu’s one night, more than tipsy, but not super drunk. Penelope was on the couch, cuddling with her cat with a glass of wine in her hand.

 

“I think” Josie slurred.  _ I think we should get back together.  _ Was what she wanted to say. But what she actually said was. “I think we should fuck.” 

 

“Okay.” Penelope agreed, setting down her drink and placing Murph onto the couch next to her. The black cat meowed in response.

 

“That’s not what I meant.” Josie furrowed her brow. “I think we should-” 

 

“Shhh.” Penelope interrupted. “Let’s not talk, let’s just let our bodies do the talking.” Penelope softly whispered as she moved closer to the girl. She brushed a hair away from Josie’s face. Soon, they were inches apart, staring into each other’s eyes.

 

Josie watched as Penelope’s eyes dragged down towards her lips and once again, the tensions were high. Josie felt herself leaning in. Penelope’s eyes fluttered shut and their lips connected once again. Josie was so inebriated by the taste of Penelope’s lips and enthralled in the way that her touch ignited a heat in her, she had hardly noticed them move from the living room to Penelope’s bedroom. 

 

They spent the remainder of the night exploring each other’s bodies. Lost in their own world of taking each other over the edge again and again. After that night, there was an unspoken agreement between the two of them. They’d sleep with each other, wake up in each other’s arms in the morning, but during the day, they couldn’t be farther apart.

 

Their friends knew nothing of their arrangement. For all they knew, they thought that they were broken up and had somehow managed to stay friends. Josie and Penelope would act friendly and cordial around them. They were at a restaurant to celebrate Davina’s work promotion. Josie and Penelope sat next to each other, appearing to be making light conversation while their friends all talked amongst themselves. Penelope even managed to make Josie laugh. Unbeknownst to their friends, it was Penelope saying something about how she couldn’t wait to rip that dress off of Josie tonight. 

 

Josh, one of Davina’s closest friends, and a guy who both Penelope and Josie have spoken to a few times before took notice of Josie’s eye roll towards the other girl after she had finished laughing. 

 

“So how are you two now?” Josh asked towards the duo, turning people’s attention toward them. 

 

“Oh, we’re good. Nothing new.” Josie lied. 

 

“You guys still living together though?” He questioned with an eyebrow raised.

 

Penelope nodded. “Yeah, we’re just friends.” She shrugged before she turned to Davina and started making conversation. 

 

Josie tried her best to act like it meant nothing at all. She knew she shouldn’t be hurt by the statement because in a sense they were friends… friends with benefits, that is. And she knew that none of their friends know about their current arrangement. She knew they’d flip. Especially Lizzie. So she just kept quiet and attempted to start up a new conversation with Josh, at least until their food arrived.

 

**_I wish that I could tell you that you’re all that I want, yeah._ **

 

Josie looked to her side and saw Penelope with her head thrown back in laughter and her hand trying to cover her smile. Josie always hated how she would try and cover up her beautiful smile. It was one of the things she told the girl most when they were dating. 

 

Seeing Penelope with a big smile on her face, laughing amongst their friends had to be one of Josie’s favorite moments. It was times like this where she wished they were still together so she could snake an arm around the other girl’s waist and kiss her cheek just because she could. But they’re not together now. So Josie just watched longingly. She wished she had the balls to tell her that Penelope was all that she wanted. 

 

But when Penelope comes stumbling home, drunk out of her mind, and having a carnal desire to rip Josie’s clothes off, she’s reminded of why they broke up in the first place. She’s reminded that Penelope needs to fix herself, and Josie needs to work on herself as well. 

 

**_I pretend that I’m not ready. Why do we put each other through hell? Why can’t we just get over ourselves?_ **

 

There was  a slight change in their dynamic. Josie just isn’t quite as into their sexual arrangement as she used to be, so Penelope acted more tender and passionate. She’s reverted back to the early days of their relationship when Penelope would touch her like she’s a fragile porcelain glass. It’s involuntary on Penelope’s part, but Josie doesn’t know that. 

 

Josie could feel that they’re treading into dangerous territory. She knew it was dangerous to begin with, but she’d finally come to her senses and concluded that she needed to end whatever unspoken arrangement they had. Josie was going to miss waking up in the other girl’s warm embrace. She’d miss seeing the girl in the most intimate way possible, and she didn’t know if she’d ever see her like that again. 

 

Josie wasn’t ready. She needed time to heal. This was going to be hell for her, but she knew that it was what needed to be done. And so she did it.

 

Penelope had just gotten back from her semi-nightly ritual of going to the bar and letting loose with the help of alcohol. She’d kicked off her shoes haphazardly and staggering into the living room where Josie was perched at the counter, sipping on her herbal tea while she was reading a textbook for one of her classes.

 

“Looks like someone could use a distraction.” Penelope husked into Josie’s ear from behind. Penelope snaked her arms around Josie’s midsection and began making a trail of kisses down her neck. 

 

Josie gasped in pleasure but she had been telling herself the entire night that tonight would be the night that she distanced herself. With a heavy heart, she willed herself to pry Penelope from her conquest. “Penelope, stop.”

 

“Why, baby? I know you like it.” Her ex responded before trying to continue her advances.

 

Josie sighed. “Please stop.” 

 

That’s all it took for Penelope to halt her motions. She took the chair next to the girl. And, although inebriated, she could still sense that something was up with the girl next to her. “Why, what’s up?”

 

Josie looked down at her cup, nervous for what she was about to say. She’d rehearsed it all night and only started to “pretend” to read her textbook when she heard the hazel eyed girl fumbling with the lock. 

 

“We need to stop sleeping together.” Josie said after a heavy silence. Penelope’s stare dug holes into the side of Josie’s head. Josie refused to look at her. “It was selfish of me to kiss you after the night at the club and it was selfish of me to suggest us sleeping together after I couldn’t find anyone who’d make me feel half as much as you do. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t do this to you either. This isn’t healthy for us. I care too much about myself and about you.”

 

“Is that really what you want?” Penelope asked with a slight voice crack that caused Josie to look at her. 

 

Josie wanted to say no. Seeing the girl go from being lust driven to caring and compassionate made her heart swell. Josie just wanted to wrap her in a hug and let everything disappear. But Josie had to do this, so she just nodded.

 

Penelope pursed her lips before softly saying, “I’m glad you’re finally letting you take care of you.” Penelope got up and went to her room whilst still stumbling over everything. 

 

Josie let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in and let the tears stream down her face. Even through it all, Penelope still wanted her to stick by her promise of wanting her to take care of herself. To love herself. 

 

Josie composed herself enough and went to go check on the girl. She saw how the girl had only barely gotten through her door and was sitting on the floor. Josie silently helped her up. She held her hair back as her ex emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She gave her water. She helped her change into some fresh clothes and helped put her to bed. 

 

**_And you say “hi” like you just met me. Why do we put each other through hell? Why can’t we just get over ourselves?_ **

 

Over the next few days, Josie didn’t see or hear from Penelope. Josie was worried but it also was like a breath of fresh air. To be utterly free from the girl. Granted, she was still living in said girl’s apartment, but not seeing her allowed her time away and time to think. 

 

Josie was on her way back from her classes for the day. It was still pretty early on in the day, and she knew that Penelope would be at work. Her ex wouldn’t be home til late, if she even decided to come home, that is. She unlocked the front door, and to her surprise, she heard the sound of laughter. She reckoned that it belonged to her ex, whom she thought would be at work. Her high pitched laughter grew louder and louder as Josie slowly made her way around the corner to enter the living room.

  
“Stop!” She heard Penelope exclaim through laughing fit. 

 

Josie could feel her heart breaking. Was she there with another girl? This quick after she ended whatever relationship they had before? Had she been seeing her the entire time? 

 

But when Josie entered the living room, she was shocked to say the least. It was nothing like she had expected. Penelope was pinned down to the couch by Barrett and Bodhi as they licked her face mercilessly. Murphy was close by, watching from a distance.

 

“Thank you for the kisses!” Penelope laughed once more, scrunching her face. When she decided she had enough, she sat up, placing Barrett on the couch next to her and Bodhi in her lap. She noticed Josie standing there by the entrance. 

“Hi.” Penelope said as if she’d just met her. Penelope proceeded to pet Bodhi who was slumped down in her lap.

 

Josie let out a short chuckle. “Shouldn’t you be at work?” She settled into the lounge chair opposite of the couch.

 

Penelope shrugged. “Decided to take the day off.” 

 

Josie looked at her skeptically. “Why?”

 

“I did a little bit of thinking, and I want to be friends again. We don’t really talk anymore so I was thinking that today could be our friendship peace offering day?” 

 

“That’s a bit odd… Why now?”

 

“Is it wrong for me to still want to be your friend?” 

 

“Okay well, in that case… Friend, where have you been these past few days?”

 

“Crashed at Davina’s for a few nights.” Penelope answered easily. “How were your classes today?” 

 

“Small talk? Really?” Josie deadpanned.

 

“Is it small talk if I genuinely want to know how your classes are? I know that school really means a lot to you.” 

 

“My classes are going fine. I’m learning about neurolinguistics. And neurolinguistics doesn’t quite compute as easily in my brain.” 

 

“I’m sure you’ll get it. You’re a quick learner.” Penelope nodded. 

 

For the next couple of hours, they just talked. Josie thought it was nice and refreshing to talk to Penelope like this. To catch up on everything. They really had barely ever talked, especially nearing the end of their tumultuous relationship. Then they talked even less when they began sleeping together even after they broke up. The only time Josie really found out something new about the other girl was when they were with their friends. Otherwise, their conversations were limited.

 

By the end of the night, Josie was content in the fact that maybe her and Penelope could be just friends. She may not really have her in the way that she wanted but she still had her in her life nonetheless. 

 

**_When I hear you sing, it gets hard to breathe. Can’t help but think every song’s about me._ **

 

Penelope didn’t sing much. However when she did, Josie was captivated. Penelope was baking some cupcakes, a hobby she very much enjoyed but never got around to much. But as she was baking, she was lightly singing along to the music playing from her speakers. Josie had just gotten out of the shower and was about to head over to Lizzie’s but she couldn’t help but listen. Penelope’s voice was hypnotic. Penelope was listening to Rewrite The Stars. And Josie couldn’t help but to think that she was singing the song, thinking about her. Josie was mesmerized because her ex’s voice dripped with emotion and fire. 

 

The song ended and Penelope didn’t start singing again. She only hummed along to the next song. Josie was disappointed, she wanted to listen to the girl sing forever. 

 

**_And every line, every word that I write, you are the muse in the back of my mind._ **

 

Josie didn’t go to Lizzie’s after that. Instead, she went back to her makeshift room in the study and got out her songwriting journal. Josie loved to write songs. She loved performing them even, but not a lot of people knew that about her. Sure, Josie would post short song covers on her Instagram, but that would be her joking around and not totally taking things seriously. 

 

Penelope was the one that had always pushed her to take her songwriting career to the next level, to start singing more. It was three years prior and Josie wrote Kid In Love after Penelope. Josie was shy and nervous about performing in front of Penelope, but when her girlfriend at the time gave her encouraging smiles and calmed her, Josie felt comfortable enough and soon, she was belting the song for her with confidence and passion. Afterward, Penelope greeted her with a kiss and warm embrace. 

 

“I love the song. And you.” Penelope mumbled in between kisses. 

 

“Oh that little thing? It was nothing.” Josie deflected.

 

Penelope stopped peppering her with kisses and looked at her then girlfriend. “Don’t discredit yourself like that. From that little glimpse you gave me, I can already tell that you’re really talented and you have a gift. You should write and sing more. I’m sure people will love you.” 

 

“I love you.” Josie cooed. 

 

Josie smiled at the memory and began writing away in her journal. Her ex girlfriend being the muse in the back of her mind. 

 

**_Don’t wanna ask about it ‘cause you might brush it off. I’m afraid you think that it means nothing at all._ **

 

A couple days later, the two were sitting on the couch watching a movie a good distance apart. They’re just friends, sorta. They’re not best friends like they used to be, but they make casual conversation and still manage to joke around. But it’s just a shell of what they used to be. It was still unfamiliar to be this far away from Penelope, but it was something Josie was starting to get used to.

 

Except Josie wasn’t really watching the movie. She was lost in her thoughts. Josie was thinking about everything. She thought about how they were friends now and hanging out with her like this would be normal. But she couldn’t help but let her mind inevitably drift to the break up. She wanted to ask about the sudden breakup, yet her not wanting Josie to leave. But she feared that the hazel eyed girl would just brush it off and say another excuse. Josie figured out that Penelope is good at lying. Penelope easily lied to their friends about her whereabouts and what she’d been up to but Josie’s not sure why she did. She even thought back about how the other girl easily lied to her on the night of their anniversary. 

 

She felt the couch slightly vibrate and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Penelope look at her phone. She heard her laugh at something. Josie’s not exactly paying attention to the movie, but she knew that it’s a horror film. There’s nothing funny about it. So she concluded that it must’ve been from whatever it was that Penelope saw on her phone. Josie refocused her attention back on the movie but she could hear her ex’s light giggling. She glanced over at her and the girl was just lost in her own world, snickering at something that was said before she typed a response. 

 

Josie concluded that it was best she didn’t ask about the breakup. Maybe it meant nothing to her at all.

 

**_I don’t know why I won’t admit that you’re all I want._ **

 

Penelope came home drunk. Shocker? Not really. But what was shocking, is that she wasn’t so intoxicated in the fact that she was stumbling over things, making a ruckus. She was drunk enough to walk and act relatively normally. But her speech was slurred. Josie was sitting at the counter typing out her essay on her laptop when Penelope walked in.

 

“J-Josie.” Penelope started. 

 

“Hey?” Josie questioned because this is the first time she really ever tried to talk to her when she was drunk.  “You’re drunk, here, I’ll help you get to bed.”

 

“Noooo. I’m fine!” Penelope disagreed. 

 

“Are you sure?” Josie asked skeptically.

 

Penelope nodded. “I’m just- just going to uhh…” She trailed off. “I’m just going to sit here.” And she sat down. In the middle of the floor.

 

Josie didn’t really know how to respond. “Okay…?” She replied before returning her attention back to her essay.

 

“I want... I want to get back together.” Penelope voiced suddenly.

 

Josie’s heart skipped. “I- I don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

 

“Why not?” Penelope whined.

 

Josie sighed. Of course she wanted to get back with Penelope. Not so long ago she’d almost suggested it to her too. And only a week ago she’d just cut off their friends-with-benefits relationship. But she loved her, she always will. Except Josie needed to see a change. She needed to change herself as well. “You’re only saying this because you’re drunk.”

 

Penelope got up off the ground and went over to where Josie sat. “Drunk words are sober thoughts.” Penelope reasoned softly, tucking a loose strand of Josie’s hair behind her ear. She then cradled the girl’s head in her hand.

 

Penelope looked at her softly, with all the adoration in her eyes. Josie looked away. “Maybe you mean it. But like you said before, I don’t love myself in the amount that I love you.” Josie let out a breath. “You wanted me to promise that to you when we broke up, and at the time... I said I don’t make promises that I can’t keep, but I’m promising it now. I need to love myself before I love anyone else.” Josie moved her head from Penelope’s hand, making it fall back to her ex’s side. 

 

“Jojo I-” Penelope croaked out, frowning at the loss of contact.

 

Josie shook her head, cutting her off. “Please don’t. I’m going to bed.” Josie gently shut her laptop and disappeared to her makeshift room. 

 

**_I pretend that I’m not ready._ **

 

Josie let out the tears she had been holding in. It took everything in her not to jump right back into the girl’s arms. She missed her warmth, she missed how she held her, she missed her kiss, she missed everything. She just wanted her other half back.

 

She called Lizzie shortly after and informed her of what had went down. She told her about everything, how they broke up but still slept together, how Josie stopped it, how they were sorta friends again. Everything. Lizzie always had a way with being able to calm Josie down. And vice versa. 

 

“I pretended that I wasn’t ready for her, but I want to be with her. So badly.” Josie sniffled.

 

Lizzie could feel Josie’s pain. “I know you do. But I’m proud of you. You stood your ground.”

 

“I told her that I need to learn how to love myself, but I don’t even know where to start with that. Our lives had become so intertwined that I don’t even know who I am anymore without her.” 

 

“Josie, you may not want to hear this, but I think the first step is separating yourself completely.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I think you need to get your own place. Start fresh.”

 

“I don’t even have the money for that, I don’t have a job and I’m too busy trying to pay for school.” 

 

“Then come live with me, I have a spare bedroom and I miss my twin sister.” 

 

Josie didn’t want to leave Penelope. She was worried how her ex would handle herself if Josie wasn’t there to take care of her after her drunken escapades. But this needed to be done. So she agreed with Lizzie. She’d move in with her by the end of the week.

 

**_Why do we put each other through hell? Why can’t we just get over ourselves?_ **

 

Josie told Penelope she was moving out the next night when Penelope came home from work. They fought.

 

“Why the fuck do you need to move out?” Penelope asked incredulously.

 

“You don’t even remember why! You drunkenly suggested that we get back together.” Josie argued. Penelope faintly remembered doing so.

 

Penelope gulped. “So that warrants you to move out because…?” 

 

Josie let out a short groan, frustrated because she can’t see it. “Because like you said before, I need to love myself first. And I can’t do that if I’m constantly putting myself through hell by seeing you everyday, acting the way that you do. It took everything in me yesterday not to fall back into your arms, to have you back in the way that I want. We both need to grow, maybe one day we’ll find our way back to each other.”

 

Penelope nodded and let out a long sigh. “I guess this is for the best. If I’m being honest, it was selfish of me to ask you to stay. I just needed you closeby. Truth is, I used to use the alcohol to get you away from me, but now I use it as an excuse to be near you. It’s not a very good plan seeing as you see me at my worst, in the lowest of lows, but you take care of me. You always have. Because you’re selfless.” Penelope faintly smiled. “But now, you’re making the selfish move and I can’t be mad at you for that. I get where you’re coming from. It hurts me too. To see you and not be able to pull you in close or-”

 

Josie shook her head. “Stop. It was you who ended this. You who pushed me away. I’ve been dying to ask why.”

 

“Josie-” Penelope started.

 

“Please just tell me why. Where did it all go wrong?” Josie asked with tears in her eyes. She thought when this moment came she’d be stronger than this. Her strong exterior was slowly cracking.

 

Penelope stayed quiet for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “I was scared.”

 

“Scared of what?” Josie scoffed.

 

“Commitment. Marriage. Everything.” Penelope admitted. “You know how my parents got divorced when I was really young. And then one of my friends kept on drilling me about when I was going to propose to you. I just shut down and I wasn’t ready.” 

 

“I never asked you to marry me. I wasn’t expecting a proposal anytime soon.” 

 

“I know. But I couldn’t help it. It’s like my body went into overdrive and I tried to make you hate me.”

 

“You should’ve just talked to me instead. I thought we had agreed that communication was the number one thing. I was left in the dark like we were in college again. It made me feel like complete garbage. I overanalyzed everything that I did.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing.” 

 

**_I pretend that I’m not ready. Why do we put each other through hell? Why can’t we just get over ourselves?_ **

 

“It’s too late for that, Penelope. For weeks I’d been wondering about this but now that I have closure, maybe I can finally move on.”

 

“But it’s not because I don’t love you. I do. I’m just scared of the future.” 

 

“You don’t think I’m scared too? The future is scary but I knew that I’d get through it because I had you by my side.” 

 

“Please don’t leave.”

 

“I’m moving out tomorrow. I can’t do this any longer.” Josie said with finality. She retreated back to her room.

 

**_You say “Hi” like you just met me. Why do we put each other through hell? Why can’t we just get over ourselves?_ **

 

The next morning, Josie made her way out of her room after having just got off the phone with the movers. 

 

Penelope sat at the counter, sipping on her coffee. “Hi.” She greeted with pure innocence.

 

“Hey.” Josie responded politely. 

 

Penelope watched as Josie silently retrieved her belongings from the kitchen. The only time they spoke when Josie asked whether or not a certain item belonged to her. 

 

**_I know a girl, she’s like a curse. We want each other, no one will break first._ **

 

Josie loaded the last of her items into the moving van whilst Penelope stood nearby. She was dressed in her pajamas, arms wrapped around her torso as she was barefoot on the sidewalk. She was soaking in the remaining moments she had with Josie. She wasn’t sure when she’d see her again.

 

Josie was doing the same. She appreciated the fact that Penelope was making the most of their time together. Although most of it was silent, it was relatively comfortable. Both girls wanted each other, but no one would break first. They knew now was not the right time. 

 

“If you love something, set it free.” Penelope voiced as her last words to Josie. “If they come back to you it was meant to be.” 

 

Josie wasn’t much for cliches, but she smiled at the fact that the girl was hopeful. Josie gave her ex girlfriend a hug goodbye and got into the moving van. She watched the girl get smaller and smaller through the side mirror as she drove away. 

 

She didn’t know when she’d see the girl next, but doing this was for the best. Separating herself from her completely was the first step to the new and improved Josie Saltzman. She needed to find joy in life again. This time, without someone by her side to guide her through it. 

 


	7. Because I Had You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie hadn't seen Penelope in a few months. She'd cut all ties with the girl. Like fate would have it, she ran into her again. And it's all she could think about, even despite having a wonderful and loving girlfriend, Hope Mikaelson.

Hope knew that it’s like the “golden rule” not to date your best friend’s ex. But she couldn’t help it. Plus, it’s not like she ever acted upon her feelings. She had liked Josie since she saw her at freshman orientation. While Josie was busy pining after Penelope, she was silently watching from afar. Even when Hope’s friend group joined with Josie’s, she made sure to be distant enough with Josie so that nobody would suspect anything. She was courteous and friendly, but she made sure never to hang out with Josie one on one. Both so nobody suspected, and because she didn’t want her feelings to deepen. Moreover, no matter how badly she wanted to, she never made a move on Josie even when Penelope had been deliberately treating Josie horribly back in their undergraduate years of college. She just had to sit there and act like it wasn’t happening. It was one of her biggest regrets. 

 

After college, Hope and Penelope started drifting apart. They weren’t as close as they were before, but they were still relatively good friends. One night, Hope was with Penelope and a couple of other friends playing Truth or Dare. She picked truth and was asked “If you could steal anyone here’s significant other, who’s would you steal.” She looked around at everyone in the circle but she already knew her answer. It was a no brainer, she’d steal Penelope’s. Blaming it on the slight intoxication, she blurted her answer. A cacophony of “Ooh’s” echoed through the room but Hope shrugged it off. She looked over to her friend only to see that she was sending her a deadly glare. Hope had never been on the receiving end from one of these glares, and boy she never wanted to get it ever again. If looks could kill, she’d be brutally murdered.

 

A few nights later, Penelope actually invited Josie out with Hope and Davina. Hope tried not to notice how Penelope overdressed herself in a  blue and white ruffled dress. Her short hair was perfectly curled and one side was tucked behind her ear, showing off her dangling white pearl earrings. Her attire prompted Josie to have her eyes glued onto her. And then, when Hope, Penelope, and Davina were all by the kitchen counter, and Davina was droning on about something she had tuned out a long time ago, Hope was pretty sure that Penelope deliberately walked over to Josie and kissed her in the midst of Davina’s rambling just to taunt her.

 

Hope tried not to notice how Penelope was extra clingy towards Josie that night. Josie was explaining the book she had to read for her class when Penelope whispered something in Josie’s ear that made her cheeks turn a dark shade of red. Hope looked away from Josie’s face and locked eyes with Penelope who had a devilish smirk on her face. She watched as Penelope’s arm tightened around Josie’s waist and she pulled her impossibly closer to her. Hope wanted to puke. 

 

Josie thought the reason for the public display of affection was because she wanted to show her off. Penelope did want to show her off, to Hope mostly. To tease her of what she couldn’t get. This was all a game to Penelope. But love wasn’t a game to her. 

 

Her and Penelope’s friendship was relatively tense after that. They barely talked, but when they did it was only to talk about bars or parties they could go to for the night. Hope used the parties to try and forget the her feelings for Josie. But it didn’t help much seeing as the girl that should be with her crush, was actually attending these parties too, leaving the girl she liked alone at home. 

 

The final straw was when Penelope invited her to a party on the day that she knew was Penelope and Josie’s anniversary. When she asked Penelope about it, the girl just shrugged it off. So she confronted her about it, lightly tiptoeing around the fact that she had feelings for Josie. Then, in the heat of the moment, she slipped up saying, “If you don’t go be with your girlfriend now, I will, and I damn well will treat her better than you ever did.” She’ll always remember the look on Penelope’s face after her admission. But Penelope didn’t say anything and left the party to go find Josie. Hope didn’t know whether she was thankful or disappointed.

 

Hope didn’t hear from Penelope after that. She also didn’t make an effort to reach out to the girl either. It was better this way. Hopefully, that was enough to get her head out of her ass and start treating the girl right. Josie deserved happiness. Even if it wasn’t her that could give it to her.

 

She ran into Josie a few months later at the bar. Hope walked in to the nearest bar she could find after just finishing a long day at work when she saw Josie performing on the small stage. She’d been singing a cover of a Frank Ocean song. Hope couldn’t pinpoint which one because she was too captivated by her voice. The way that she effortlessly and smoothly hit every note. The audience loved her too. Hope waived down the bartender so she could order her drink while the sound of her crush’s soft singing voice filled the room.  

 

When Josie finished, the girl went over to the bar and Hope couldn’t help but greet her. “Hey. I never knew you could sing like that.”

 

Josie chuckled shortly. “It’s a thing not many people knew about until lately.” She called the bartender over.

 

Hope raised a brow. “What do you mean ‘until lately?’”

 

“I’ve been trying to find who I am recently. Music is something I’ve found to be a big part of who I am. I only used to sing around Penelope, actually. She was always pushing me to start singing for other people, but I didn’t get around to it until now. I regularly play gigs here. Both to live out what I’ve always wanted to do and to get a little bit of extra cash.” Josie revealed. She thanked the bartender when he returned with her drink. 

 

“Oh, that’s great that you’re finding out who you are. I’m happy for you.” Hope honestly replied. “How are things with Penelope by the way?”

 

“We’re uhh…” Josie paused and looked away from her. “We’re not together anymore. We haven’t been for a little while now.” The shock was evident on Hope’s face. 

 

“How could you not know? You’re like Penelope’s best friend.” Josie pointed out before tossing back a shot.

 

Hope sighed, now it was her turn to look away. She swirled around the drink in her hand. “Penelope and I aren’t friends anymore. We haven’t been for months, actually. We had a falling out of sorts.” 

 

“Here’s to having her out of our lives.” Josie lightly joked as she raised her newly refilled glass in attempt to make a toast. Hope smiled and clinked their glasses together. 

 

The two talked for a good portion of the night. Hope had learned that even though she was starting to pursue music more, she was still attending grad school. She was stressed with the amount of work she had on her plate. Josie learned that Hope worked full time at a firm and lived in an apartment not too far from here. Unfortunately, Josie had to cut their talk short. She apologized profusely because she had to finish up her essay for her class. But, they exchanged numbers, seeing as Josie got a new one as of late. She promised to text her later. 

 

**_I think it’s time that I be honest. Should’ve told you not to go._ **

 

Josie was rushing out of the bar. It was 11:07 P.M. and she had an essay due at 11:59 P.M. She cursed herself for letting the time slip from her. But she couldn’t help it when she was catching up with an old friend. Although she never really knew much about Hope in college, she still considered her a friend. She had always treated her with respect and kindness. 

 

As Josie was rushing out the door, she bumped shoulders with someone and she swore she felt her soul leave her body. It had been almost four months since she’d last seen her. But here Penelope was, standing right in front of her, with her arm around Davina Claire’s shoulder.

 

“Sorry.” Josie apologized, finally regaining her composure after what felt like an eternity. She then bolted away before she could hear her ex-girlfriend reply. 

 

**_Thought I knew just what I wanted. I didn’t know myself at all._ **

 

Those two seconds of seeing her ex-girlfriend was all it took for her to lose it. The first month after their (second) breakup she was regretting ever letting her go. 

 

Josie thought that she was doing what was for the best. She thought it’s what she needed. She needed distance. She needed time. She needed to heal. Although she didn’t really know who she was, she truly didn’t know just how little she knew about herself. 

 

But after a month of moping, she got her shit together and set out to find what told herself that she needed. The sooner she found it, the sooner she could run back into her ex’s arms.

 

The three months leading up to that moment, Josie had found her own source of happiness. Playing and writing music mainly. Her other source of happiness was reading. She loved to read. She’d made a new routine to go to the library every week and have the librarian pick out a new book for her. Josie would sit there and read for a few hours. The third thing that brought her happiness was spending time with her sister and her mom. Growing up, Lizzie always clung to her mom, finding herself in her. Josie loved her mother, but she never really connected with her in the way Lizzie did. Regardless, Josie still enjoyed her mother’s company. She missed the way that Lizzie, her, and her mom would tease and joke around with each other and she’s glad that she had that in her life again. 

 

**_You’re with somebody I can’t be, yeah. But I can tell that you’re happy._ **

 

Josie found out from a friend of a friend that Penelope and Davina had been a thing for two months prior to when she ran into them. She was told that their relationship wasn’t really official. It was a casual relationship with no real strings attached. Josie thought about how that’s exactly what Penelope needed. 

 

When Josie asked where her and Penelope’s relationship went wrong, Penelope said she wasn’t ready for commitment or even marriage. Apparently Davina was okay with that. It was why she thought the two worked so well together. Because Josie was ready for commitment. She wanted to be with her one and only. She knew that she said she didn’t ask Penelope to marry her, but she would’ve in a heartbeat. Josie understood that Penelope’s parent’s divorce took a toll on Penelope. It was why she was so unsettled about relationships, but Josie thought she’d gotten over it. She thought she could’ve fixed it just by loving her. 

 

She asked the friend of a friend about them. By the way that they talked about their relationship she inferred that Penelope was happy. Josie stalked her social media accounts. Penelope posted about Davina all the time. This time, it was physical confirmation that her ex was happy. It made Josie’s heart hurt, but she should’ve expected this. After Penelope’s spiel about loving someone and letting them go, she shouldn’t have thought that Penelope would wait around for her. 

 

After crying out the last of her tears, she figured that she too should move on. She texted Hope.

 

**_It’s time for me to finally meet somebody new. Take her to all the places that I took us to._ **

 

Josie was cautious and guarded with her heart. But Hope was patient and aware of Josie’s feelings. One of the first things Josie texted her was about how brittle and broken her heart was after all Penelope’s put her through. 

 

Josie didn’t know how she does it, but Hope was able to dodge her way past her defense mechanisms and found a way into her heart. It doesn’t happen overnight. It was a gradual process. There were times that they’d take two steps forward only to take three steps back. But Hope was relentless. She wasn’t giving up on her shot to finally get the girl she’d been in love with for years now. Penelope left the girl’s heart a mess but she was able to glue back the pieces, slowly but surely. 

 

It’d been six months since Hope reconnected with Josie. Or six months since Josie ran into Penelope and Davina. It had been a year since Penelope and Josie’s breakup which warranted Josie to move out. Hope had been considerate and understanding the whole way through. She never once pressured her or gave her a reason to doubt her intentions. 

 

Josie thought it was time she showed her the appreciation she deserved. So she decided she’d take her out for a date. She felt so inexperienced in her dating life because Penelope had been the only person in her life for years. But Hope reassured her time and time again. Josie brought her to one of the places that used to be her and Penelope’s favorites. 

 

She took her to the rooftop of a familiar building. She laid out blankets for them and lit a few candles. She strung up a few lights and even brought a box of Hope’s favorite donuts. 

“This is so beautiful.” Hope said as they laid there looking up at the stars. Josie had her head resting on Hope’s chest.

 

“This used to be one of my favorite spots. I’d come up here when I’d be sad or anxious and watch the stars. Everything would all fade away.” Josie expressed, leaving out the part where she’d come here with ex. 

 

Hope lifted her head to look at the other girl. “Well in that case, thank you for bringing me to one of your safe spaces.” 

 

“Thank you for being so patient with me. Thank you for never giving up on me. I know it couldn’t have been easy.” Josie smiled at her. 

 

“I’ve loved you for a long time now, Josie.” Hope revealed. “I never showed it back then because I couldn’t do that to my friend, but if it meant that I got to be here with you, right now, I’d do it all again. I’m not about to give up on you.”

 

Josie’s heart rate sped up at the girl’s revelation. Hope wasn’t her girlfriend, but she still admitted that she loved her.

 

**_And she might help me forget, but loving her is something I could never do because I had you._ **

 

Although her heart sped up, Josie’s body tensed up. Hope noticed her sudden change of demeanor. “Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to say it back to me. I just wanted to let you know how I feel.” 

 

Josie doesn’t know how she got so lucky to get a girl so tolerant and compassionate as Hope. Although she doesn’t think she could love her in the same way that she loved Penelope, she’s enough to make her forget about Penelope, even for a little while. 

 

Instead of answering, she just hugs the girl tighter and basks in the girl’s company. She takes in the smell of her fruity shampoo and her rose scented perfume. She feels safe and she feels loved. It’s all she could really ask for. 

 

A year ago, her heart was in a million tiny pieces, but now it was whole again. Sure, it had quite a bit of missing pieces, but it still functioned. Josie thought that maybe that’d be enough.

 

**_Hey, remember when I told you that you and I, we’d go down in history together, yeah._ **

 

They laid there in a comfortable silence, their breaths in sync with one another. Hope kissed the top of Josie’s head and she felt like she was in a state of euphoria. This was the kind of love that Josie deserved. But Josie couldn’t help but think about how she thought that Penelope’s love was the kind she deserved. She remembered being here in this exact position with her ex what felt like a lifetime ago. 

 

_ “Do you think soulmates exist?” Penelope voiced out of nowhere. They had been laying there with their arms wrapped around each other.  _

 

_ “Of course.” Josie murmured. “Don’t you?”  _

 

_ “I never really thought that there was just one person for someone. But since meeting you, I’d like to believe that there is.”  _

 

_ Josie didn’t say anything, instead she kissed the girls cheek and laid her head back down on her chest. A couple more minutes must have passed when Penelope spoke up again. _

 

_ “I think we’d go down in history together.” Josie spoke. _

 

_ “Yeah?” Penelope quipped. “Why’s that?” _

 

_ “Two people so perfectly wrong for each other managed to work through their rollercoaster of emotions to get their happily ever after.” _

 

_ “I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a happily ever after.” Penelope contended. “We still have a long way to go until our happily ever after. _

 

_ Josie hummed. “That’s fair. But I’d like to think that we got our happily ever after.” _

 

_ The two didn’t say much after that, they just continued to lay there basking in each other’s warmth and company.  _

 

Josie snapped out of her flashback and was reminded that she didn’t get the happily ever after with Penelope. Her fairytale story took a different turn into happily almost after. 

 

**_You’re with somebody I can’t be. But I can tell that you’re happy._ **

 

Josie tried not to think about  _ them _ too often. Why should she when she has the most amazing girl by her side. Her mind ventured into how Penelope and Davina would have been together for over a year now.  _ Isn’t that commitment enough?  _ Josie thought. To be in a “casual relationship” with no strings attached seems like dedication and loyalty enough.

 

Josie told herself not to stress. Because if she’s happy with Hope, she shouldn’t care that Penelope is happy with Davina. She tried but her mind brought it up at the most randomest of times. Josie was irritated. She figured that maybe she had a way to solve it.

 

**_It’s time for me to finally meet somebody new. Take her to all the places that I took us to._ **

 

A few weeks after taking Hope on the rooftop date, Josie made up her mind that she was going to ask Hope to be her girlfriend. They’d practically been dating for six months now. She knew that Hope was avoiding this because she wanted Josie to do it when she was ready. Josie reached a conclusion that she was ready. It was long overdue, but she was ready.

 

“How much longer do I have to walk? My short legs weren’t built for this kind of hike.” Hope playfully groaned as she dramatically stopped to take a breath.

 

Josie laughed, tugging on their intertwined hands, pulling the other girl with her. “Not that much further, but trust me, it’ll be worth it.”

 

“I trust you,” Hope responded. “It’s just my legs I don’t trust. I don’t think I’ve ever done this much physical activity. I usually just stay inside and paint.” 

 

Josie playfully rolled her eyes and kept walking further up the trail. She then ventured off the trail for a short period. “Alright drama queen, we’re here.” Josie parted the vines that hung in front of her. 

 

She brought her to another place that her and Penelope used to go to, a secluded crystal-clear turquoise lake with waterfalls that spill into it. There were enough trees around to hang a hammock from as well. Josie decided that it was here that she wanted to take the next step of their relationship. 

 

Hope followed the girl past the small opening behind the vines and was in awe at the sights around her. She was breath taken by the natural beauty of this place. Josie knew exactly how it felt to see this place for the first time. Sometimes when she came here, it felt like the first time. Everything was so beautiful, so serene, so vibrant. 

 

“Hope?” Josie quietly asked.

 

“Hmm?” Hope hummed, still awestruck by the location. 

 

“I didn’t take you here just because. There’s a reason.” Josie began, quickly trying to formulate the words she wanted to say. “The hike was a representation of our journey. It was tiring, grueling rather, we had to take a minute to breathe a few times. When climbing the rocks, we had to take a few steps forward, just to take a few back in order to find the right path. You told me when you needed a breather, I told you when you needed a breather, we let each other know how we were doing through it all.”

 

“This lake is like what I envision our future as. Beautiful, natural, serene, ever-flowing. You’ve made your intentions as crystal clear as the water and I’ve always been upfront to you about how I feel.” Josie went on.

 

Josie took a deep breath in. “And I was the one that dragged you along and tugged you through most of this journey. But I don’t want to drag it on anymore. I want us to be equal. I’m ready. So, Hope Mikaelson, will you be my girlfriend? 

 

If Hope didn’t lose her breath before, she did just now. “Of course, God, you don’t know how long I wanted to hear you say that.” She brought the girl in to meet her lips. Both girls breaking out in a grin in between kisses. 

 

Josie led her over to the trees to set up her hammock. Not long after, they settled into the hammock where they both were able to catch their breaths from the hike and small kisses.

 

**_And she might help me forget, but loving her is something I could never do because I had you._ **

 

Josie pondered about how great Hope was to her. How she was so perceptive, forbearing, and overall, was just an amazing person. She helped diminish her thoughts about Penelope when she was in the moment with her.

 

“I love you.” Josie whispered.

 

Hope smiled brightly. She’d been dying to hear these words after she’d told it to Josie a few weeks ago. The girl that she’d been in love with for so long asked her to be her girlfriend in the most magnificent way possible and she told her that she loved her? She was in utter bliss. 

 

“I love you too Josie.” Hope mumbled against her. Josie took the initiative and craned her neck in order to seal their lips together for yet another kiss. 

 

**_There’s nothin’, oh. There’s nothing’ left to lose because I had you, babe._ **

 

Josie knew that she shouldn’t say it to the girl if she doesn't mean it. But she did it anyway. It’s the first lie she ever told Hope. She thought that if she said it enough, maybe it would become reality. 

 

But the way that Hope smiled wider than anything Josie had ever seen before. The way that her face lit up in pure joy. Josie thought that if she reacted like this every time she told her that, maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult to fall in love with her. Everything else with her was easy, why couldn’t this?

 

She didn’t have much else to lose. 

 

**_There’s nothin’. Nothin’ that I could do. I wish I had you._ **

 

Josie got to keep Bodhi and Barrett while Penelope got Murphy. When Hope would come over and play with Bodhi and Barrett, Josie was reminded about the times that Josie would come home to seeing Penelope playing with them.

 

The most painful reminder was when Hope bought the same chew toy that Penelope did when they had just gotten them. It was a silly thing to get upset about because there really isn’t that much of a variety of chew toys you could get from Petco, but it was the same green and pink parrot the Bodhi would take into bed and cuddle with every night. That is until Barrett came and chewed it up. 

 

Josie couldn’t believe that even though she had the most incredible and thoughtful girlfriend ever, she still wished she had Penelope. 

 

**_I think it’s time I finally found somebody new. And tell myself that she’s the one to get me through._ **

 

Fast forward a couple more months later, Hope and Josie continually exchanged “I love yous” and Josie began believing it. Josie didn’t know it was possible, but her girlfriend was even more tender, even more gentle, kind, and considerate. They still had yet to have sex. Sure, they had heated makeout sessions where things treaded into dangerous territory, except Hope was attentive as ever, and never pushed her to do anything she didn’t want to, no matter how badly she wanted Josie. 

 

**_And she might help me forget that loving her is something I just couldn’t do because I had you._ **

 

Josie loved Hope. She started out saying it as a lie, but she genuinely truly believed it. She loved her. Maybe not in the same capacity as she loved Penelope, but it would have to do. She doesn’t know what quite sparked the realization that she loved her. It could’ve been the way that she took care of her so patiently, how she was so amazing with her dogs, how she’d make sure never to be too late at the firm so she’d make it in time for dinner, how she’d never forget to feed the dogs or do basic tasks for Josie. 

 

But when she did realize it, she told Hope as soon as she could. “I love you and I’m ready.” She said it with the utmost intensity and enthusiasm she could. She wanted to take the next step further with Hope.

 

“Are you sure?” Hope asked for confirmation when Josie started trailing her way down her body.

 

“I’m more sure than anything.” Josie affirmed before Hope reversed the roles and began her ascent down her girlfriend’s body.

 

Josie thought there’d be some kind of fireworks explosion or something. She’d finally given into one of her fears of loving someone else. Of course she felt  _ good _ after the fact, but she didn’t feel  _ great _ . She thought she’d be over the moon and could successfully say she’d moved on, but she couldn’t. Because she once had Penelope. And everything was less impressive because of it.

 

It wasn’t fair. Hope had everything that Penelope lacked. Perhaps she was that and better, but Josie still couldn’t find herself letting go of her ex. No matter what, Hope always paled in comparison to Penelope. She hated it. She hated herself for not being able to love Hope back with even more magnitude. Penelope Park still had a tight grip on her heart, and it was never going to let go. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to put in a little bit of Hope's backstory/perspective to properly fit the story. To avoid any confusion, in the very beginning of the chapter, it refers back to the party where Josie and Penelope were at in Chapter 5. 
> 
> Haha y'all Hosies thought... 
> 
> As always, lemme know what you think.  
> -Kai


	8. When You're Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope's still hopelessly in love with Josie even though said girl is in a happy relationship with her ex-best friend. But it didn't matter, Josie was the girl for her. Even ten years from now she'd still be the one. She'd gladly wait for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since many of you have been asking for it, you’re finally getting Penelope’s perspective on things. Here you go and this chapter is dedicated to Jade (:
> 
>    
> Lemme know how I did bc I had a really hard time writing this chapter tbh.
> 
> -Kai

 

**_Maybe I had too many drinks, but that’s just what I needed._ **

 

Penelope Park had always used alcohol as a way to escape her problems. About a few months after Josie had officially broken off all contact with her, she’d spiraled out of control. She woke up in the hospital after having to have her stomach pumped from consuming an excessive amount of alcohol. She couldn’t quite remember the days the leading up to that and if she did, everything blurred together. Since then, with the help of her not-girlfriend, Davina, she’d starting laying off the alcohol.

 

Davina had been her friend to help her through it all. When Penelope started drifting away from Hope, she leaned towards Davina. She related to her, connected with her. Davina was trying to get over her ex-boyfriend Kol and Penelope was trying to get over Josie, so they just naturally used each other as warm bodies. There was nothing more to it. She’d post about her best friend all the time, but it was just to show her gratitude and appreciation for the girl who stuck by her side. She let people think that her and Davina were in a relationship because she didn’t have the heart to tell anyone they weren’t. She saw the way that Josie was happy with Hope. She thought maybe it’d make her jealous and have her come back to her.

 

Penelope thought it was funny how she asked Josie to love herself when she didn't love herself either. Her mind had been in a dark place.

 

Penelope started going to therapy. Although scary at first, she opened up to her therapist about her commitment issues and her drinking. Her therapist was able to dig out her issues that she’d buried deeply inside her core. It was a horrible experience to relive the trauma her parent’s constant fighting put her through. She remembered when her parent’s marriage first started falling apart and how her dad would smoke his lungs out and have a bottle of beer in his hands to accompany it. She remembered how her mom would take on more hours at work, often times returning back home at 2am just so she didn’t have to put up with her dad. Their marriage was on its last thread, and when it finally snapped, she’d never forget how her mother would scream at the top of her lungs at her father. She’d remember how even though she was eleven at the time, she was constantly used as a messenger because her parents would refuse to speak to each other directly. She hated how poorly they’d speak of each other. Her friends at the time also had parents going through divorce. As she got older, she noticed that the majority of her friends too had either divorced parents or absentee parents. She’d jump from her father’s house to her mother’s house after the divorce because the judge had ruled they'd get shared custody. Her mom's boyfriends came and left. Her dad kept moving apartments, never satisfied with his living arrangements. She never was able to have real stability in her most influential years of puberty. As a result, she thought that that’s how love ends up like. She made a vow that she’d never want to ever fall in love with anyone.

 

Her vow was broken when she declared her love for Josie their sophomore year of college. Josie had effortlessly brought her walls down and shown her that love wasn’t anything like how her parents had shown her. Her previous relationships may have been like that, but love between her and Josie was kind, gentle, invigorating.

 

Then, when her friend had brought up marriage when Penelope and Josie were in their third year of dating, her irrational thoughts about marriage and commitment surfaced again.

 

When her therapist was finally able to uncover all of this information, she was able to reassure Penelope that this wasn’t the case for all marriages. Love isn’t always like that. Penelope told her therapist about how she started acting nearing the end of of her and Josie’s relationship. Her therapist pointed out how Penelope had started to do the same things her parents had done, coming home late from work, the alcoholism, the picking a fight. But there was no real rhyme nor reason. For her parents, it was necessary that they broke up because things would’ve turned nasty and violent. However, in Penelope’s case, it was only because of Penelope pulling away because of her subconscious commitment issues.

 

Her therapist calmly informed her of how she put Josie in a toxic situation by not wanting her to move out and an even more toxic one when they began sleeping together. Penelope never realized how much emotional torment she put Josie through. She was blinded by lust and her issues with love.

 

And then, when Penelope told her therapist about how she was using Davina as a means of distraction and even a way to potentially make Josie jealous, her therapist pointed out all the more reasons why that’s wrong. Penelope could see now why what she had done and what she was doing wasn’t right. She became mad at herself for that.

 

Like they had suggested at the end of their relationship, they needed to work on themselves. Penelope did. With the help of her therapist and Davina, she was able to find pleasures in what she likes to do. She only occasionally drank alcohol. She asked for time off at work to find herself. She began baking more. It was a hobby she always enjoyed, and she only ever rarely got to do it. She actually became quite the baker. Penelope would bake treats and Davina would eagerly be her taste tester. She found pleasure in drawing and journaling. She had a knack for drawing ever since she was little. Every day or two, she’d find something that would make her happy or that she appreciated and either wrote about it or drew it. Studies showed that doing so would boost your mood, and it reflected quite nicely. She began loving herself finally. 

 

**_I hope that you don’t think that what I’m saying sounds conceited. When I look across the room, and you’re staring right back at me like somebody told a joke and we’re the only ones laughin._ **

 

Josh invited Penelope to him and Aiden’s baby shower. She didn’t really want to go because she barely knew the guy and his boyfriend, but Hope dragged her along. What she didn’t know is that Josie would be there with Hope. Aiden was good friends with Hope since they worked together. Josie didn’t want to go either, but Hope thought it would be a good idea for them to go out and have a good time.

 

Penelope was pretending to be in animated conversation with one of the people there when she saw Josie staring at her across the room. Her heart dropped to her stomach. _Do I go over there and talk to her?_ She thought. _Is she going to come over and talk to me?_ They held their stare for  what might’ve only been a few seconds but to Penelope it felt like a lifetime. She hadn’t seen the other girl in person since she and Davina last ran into her at the bar a few months ago. Obviously, she kept up with her social media (although she had to use Davina's phone for that, seeing as her ex had blocked her on everything), but seeing her in person was so much different. The aura the girl radiated was vibrant. Nearing the end of their relationship, her aura had grown dull. 

 

To her disappointment, the baby shower ended and she didn’t get to speak to Josie. Mostly because she was too afraid to, but also because she’s pretty sure Hope made her avoid her like the plague. Penelope didn’t blame her. Josie probably told her about their relationship and how poorly it made her feel. If Penelope were in Hope’s shoes, she would’ve done the same.

 

**_Don’t know why I tried ‘cause ain’t nobody like you. Familiar disappointment every single time I do._ **

 

Hope and Josie were dating for a year and Penelope thought she’d finally lost the battle. She figured she’d try and move on. So she tried to feel things with Davina. She really tried. The other girl knew her in a way nobody else knew her. They connected. They were similar. But all Penelope felt was emptiness. Had it been the months fresh off her relationship from Josie, she’d have kept using her as a warm body. Except now that she’s better and she’s grown as a person, she knew that she needed to quit this before either of them got hurt. Davina was understanding that they needed to put an end to their friends-with-benefits relationship. They were just friends after that.

 

**_Every single night my arms are not around you, my mind’s still wrapped around you._ **

 

Davina actually helped to make her a Tinder. Penelope thought it was dumb. She’d always been skeptical of dating apps. Davina made her a deal that if she at least gave it a try, she’d take her to Disney World just so they could go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Penelope eagerly agreed. She didn’t go on it much, only when she was bored. She began swiping through everyone. She’d make a few matches. She agreed to go on a date with a few of them. However, she’d compare every date to the most insignificant moments she had with Josie. Even in the most insignificant of moments, she felt more for the girl than she did with anyone she’d decided to meet. She grew disappointed because she desperately needed to feel something. She wanted to feel for them because Josie was happily moving on from her.

 

Penelope never hooked up with any of her Tinder dates. She was proud of herself because it was a contrast to how she used to be straight after her breakup with Josie and even how she used to be in college. She’d hook up with the first person that gave her any sort of attention. Her therapist had told her it must’ve stemmed from a low sense of self-worth. But now she held herself to a higher standard. Before, she used to never make conversation and skip straight to the sex. Now, she found herself trying to connect with the person. Trying to find something in common. To get to know them below the top of the iceberg. But nobody ever stuck. She found a couple of cool people, but she figured she could only be friends with them and didn’t see herself having any different kind of relationship with them.

 

**_Baby, tell me when you’re ready I’m waiting._ **

 

After numerous attempts at trying to find someone that even made her feel an ounce of what she felt for Josie and coming up empty handed, she figured her efforts were useless. She deleted her Tinder.

 

“Come on, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” Davina tried arguing in hopes to change Penelope’s mind.

 

“Yeah, but you know what there also is in the sea? Trash. A lot of it.” Penelope fired back.

 

“Maybe you just haven’t met the right one.” Davina tried.

 

Penelope shook her head. “I met the right one. Her name is Josie. There’s nobody else for me, Davina.”

 

“Alright.” Davina relented, giving up the fight. She really only wanted what’s best for Penelope and having her hopelessly still in love with Josie who was happy in a relationship with someone else, didn’t seem to be good for her friend. But she was always going to be there for Penelope. She was her number one supporter, so she bit her tongue.

 

After having still kept her promise to Davina because she did in fact try, the two went to Disney World. Davina had never seen Harry Potter so she didn’t enjoy The Wizarding World of Harry Potter as much as Penelope did. The whole time, Penelope was thinking about how much more fun it would have been if Josie was there with her. The two had bonded over their shared love for Harry Potter. They were both hardcore Gryffindors. Although one might’ve thought that Penelope would be a Slytherin.

 

Davina and Penelope were both too exhausted to go on any more rides at the amusement park by nightfall. The two shared an Uber back to their hotel for the night. The entire ride, Penelope made a mental note that if she and Josie ever would get back together, she’d bring her to the park as quickly as she could.

 

**_Even ten years from now, if you haven’t found somebody I promise I’ll be around._ **

 

Penelope concluded that she didn’t need anyone else in her life if it weren’t Josie. But for now, if Josie was happy with Hope, she wouldn’t intervene. She’d just wait around until the girl was ready. She didn’t mind waiting ten years for her. Josie waited a couple of years until they finally got together for the first time, she figured it would be her turn to wait and suffer through the pain. After all, it’s the things she’d do for love.

 

**_Tell me when you’re ready, I’m waiting._ **

 

Maybe it was Penelope’s big ego, but she had a feeling that Hope and Josie wasn’t going to last. Josie had asked her when they were dating if she thought that soulmates existed. Josie believed in them meaning that she imagined Penelope was her soulmate. Penelope didn’t quite believe in them before she met Josie. She told her that she never really thought that there was just one person for someone. But since meeting her, I’d like to believe that there is. And she believed that now. She really believed that Josie was her soulmate.

 

Then, when Josie was saying her final goodbye when she had moved out, Penelope had told her that if you love something, you set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s meant to be. Call her cliche or a hopeless romantic, but she really felt it in her bones that she’d come back to her.

 

**_What if my dad is right when he says that you’re the one. No, I can’t even argue. I won’t even fight him on it._ **

 

Penelope wasn’t that close to her dad. She wasn’t really close to either of her parents. But her therapist had challenged her to mend some of the meaningful relationships she once had. She figured she’d pick up the pieces of her relationship with her parents. She caught up with her mother and they got coffee together. Her familial relationship with her mom had been restored. She loved her and she always will. But for some reason, the bond that she had with her father was so much more. She caught up with him too (separately of course). Her parents still hated each other’s guts.

 

She met with her dad and she spent hours with him. She told him about Josie. He listened with an open ear and was very understanding of everything. He apologized for the damage him and her mother had caused which resulted in her deep seeded commitment issues. Penelope brushed it off because she was better now. For the most part at least. She’d unveiled those injuries out all that’s left is scar tissue.

 

After listening to Penelope gush about Josie and rant about how she wished she had done things differently, he deduced that his daughter had it bad for the girl.

 

“I listened to you drone on and on about her and I can honestly say that I think she’s the one for you.” Her dad deduced.

 

Penelope couldn’t even argue with him. It was so true. She firmly believed that Josie was her one and only.

 

“I wish that I didn’t let her slip through my fingertips.” Penelope replied.

 

“Don’t worry about that, kiddo. I think it was for the best. If you guys didn’t separate you probably would’ve ended up like your mom and I. There’d be no coming back from that.” Her dad reasoned.

 

“Yeah.” Penelope nodded. “I guess that’s one way to look at it.”

 

“Keep your chin up. She’ll come back to you.” Her dad encouraged.

 

“I hope so.” Penelope breathed out. “I love you dad.”

 

“Love you too Pen. Don’t stay away from me too long okay? Check in with your old man once in a while.” He engulfed her in a hug.

 

“Okay,” Penelope missed being close with her dad like this. “I will.”

 

**_Call you when it’s late and I know that you’re in bed. ‘Cause I’m three hours back seems like you’re always six ahead._ **

 

After her conversation with her father, Penelope had a long contemplation on whether or not to call Josie. She deliberated for three hours, before she finally bit the bullet and tried calling her. If she still knew anything about her ex-girlfriend, it’d be that she’d probably be sitting in bed, ready to pass out even though it was only 10 o’clock at night. Josie was a grandma when it came to staying up late. While Penelope was a night owl, Josie would turn in at the early hours of the night. Josie didn’t really like to do things after 9 o’clock at night.

 

Penelope nervously waited as the phone rang. She didn’t even know what she was going to say to her, she just wanted to hear her voice. The phone rang for longer and she grew even more anxious. _Was she even going to pick up?_ The thought ran through her mind.

 

To her dismay, she was hit with the “Sorry, the number you are trying to reach is not available.” Penelope had tried calling Josie after their breakup. She’d always been sent to voicemail. After a couple of days of drunk calling her, she finally gave up. This was her first time calling her since then and she was shocked to hear that the number isn’t available.

 

She wasn’t an idiot. Obviously it meant that Josie had changed her number. She should’ve figured she’d do so after the numerous drunk voicemails she’d left and how the other girl had blocked her on every social media site.

 

**_Baby, tell me when you’re ready I’m waiting._ **

 

With a big sigh and a heavy heart, she was still certain that Josie was the one for her.

 

**_And if I have to, I’ll wait forever. Say the word and I’ll change my plans. Yeah, you know that we fit together. I know your heart like the back of my hand_ **

 

Josie was it for her. Penelope knew it was useless for her to try and find anyone new. Even years down the road, she knew she’d give up everything just to be with the girl again. She’d pull a Rachel from Friends and get off the plane to her dream job if it meant she got to be with the love of her life. To hold the girl again. To show her how much she cares for her.

 

She missed everything about her. Her big heart. The way their hands fit together so perfectly. Their dumb inside jokes. Her presence. Everything.

 

Penelope knew that you’d always have a special place in your heart for your first love. She just never knew how intoxicating and true that would be. Even though it was her first love, and the only love she’d ever actually felt. She couldn’t love anyone else.

 

**_So baby, tell me when you’re ready, I’m waiting. Baby, anytime you’re ready, I’m waiting._ **

Penelope would welcome Josie with open arms if she ever came back to her. It didn’t matter how long it would take. She’ll be ready for her. But until then, she’ll be waiting patiently.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Nervous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Josie and Penelope meet up in a coffee house after all these years?

 

***Present Day***

 

**_I saw you on a Sunday in a cafe and all you did was look my way_ **

 

Josie was sat at the counter of a local coffee shop. Her head was down as she scribbled away in her journal. She’d written eight songs for her album (all written mostly about a certain girl due to her best friend MG’s gentle prodding a few weeks ago), but she felt like there was something missing. Over and over again, she’d try and write a few lines only to scrap the whole idea all together and start anew.

 

She tried writing about Hope. The two of them were together for a little over a year before Josie had to come clean about not being able to give her all to Hope. The girl understood. Although heartbroken, she sorta expected it. Josie wanted to still be her friend because she really did enjoy her company and liked her as a person, but Hope said it was best if they separated for a while. The thought of the conversation ran through her head over and over again, she thought surely she could write a song about it.

 

_“I appreciate your honesty. I knew from the start that Penelope would always have a hold on your heart, but I thought we could work through that.” Hope voiced._

 

_“I wish that she didn’t. You were so good to me. You’re patient, kind, understanding, loyal, and every other word you could use to describe the perfect girlfriend. I tried so hard to love you back in the way that you love me, but I can’t. And I know that it’s not fair to you which is why I have to do this.” Josie wiped away at her tear streaked face._

 

_Hope sadly nodded, her face was stained with tears too._

 

_“Can we still be friends at least? Despite everything, I would still like to hang out with you. You were a really good friend to me.” Josie tried._

 

_Hope sighed. “Josie, I honestly wish we could, but I can’t be your friend. Not right now, at least.”_

 

_“What? Why?” Asked Josie._

 

_Hope pursed her lips trying to think of a easy way to put this. “The same reason why you couldn’t be just friends with Penelope.”_

 

_Josie tilted her head to the side not quite following. Hope let out another sigh. “You can’t be just friends with someone you’re in love with.”_

 

_“Hope, please.” Josie attempted, reaching for her now ex-girlfriend._

 

_The other girl shook her head and pulled her hand away. “Please, Josie. This is hard enough already, please let me go.”_

 

_Josie watched with sad eyes as Hope began to gather her belongings. She silently walked her to the door of her apartment. Just before she left, Hope said one final thing. “I’d really like it if we could be friends one day. We were friends first after all. I think it’ll be fun to see it come full circle.”_

 

_Josie gave a half smile. “I would love that. But until then, I’ll give you all the space you need. I’m sorry for everything.” Hope reciprocated the small smile before she turned away and Josie softly shut the door behind her. Josie immediately put her back to the door and slid down to the floor breaking down in tears._

 

The memory ended and she’d grown frustrated. She thought that emotional memory could be channelled into her music, but every time she couldn’t find the right words to say.

 

She tried writing about how she reconnected with Hope again, recently actually. About a month ago, Hope had reached out to her after radio silence for almost two years. Their friendship was still a bit awkward but Josie learned that Hope had successfully gotten over her feelings for Josie. Josie was jealous that Hope was able to tuck away her feelings for her because her feelings for Penelope, despite not having seen her for about two and a half years, were still there. Hope had gushed to her that she was actually seeing someone new. Josie listened with a wide smile and a genuine interest. Her name was Hailee and she met her at work and things just fell into place after that. Hope and Hailee had been together for only seven months, but Hope said that things feel so right with her. Josie was really happy for her friend that she was able to find the happiness that she deserved. Hope told her about how incredible Hailee was to her. Josie couldn’t get over how ecstatic she was that her friend had been able to find someone that could honestly give her all to her.

 

Josie tried seeing if she could write about other things like how she’d also decided to drop out of grad school in her last year. She’d grown less interested in studying and more interested in her music. A small recording company had actually found her playing at the bar one day and offered her a record deal. They gave her all the creative freedom she’d wished for. They were allowing her to write her own album. She wanted to impress them more than ever but the deadline for her album was coming up. She thought she could write about how happy that had made her, but she didn’t like how any of them sounded.

 

She let out an aggravated huff and sat back in her chair, pushing away her journal and clutter of crumpled up papers. Just as she did that, the sound of a bell chimed signaling someone had entered the otherwise empty coffee house. To her surprise, in walked the girl that had constantly plagued her mind. Penelope Park.

 

Penelope didn’t notice Josie at first. Her one track mind had her focused on ordering a much-needed coffee. After she paid for her drink, she finally turned to the left and saw Josie sitting there, looking at her. Penelope didn’t know what to do. She stood there awkwardly waiting for her coffee.

 

**_And my heart started to race and my hands started to shake._ **

 

Josie didn’t know what to do either. When she saw Penelope, all the wind was knocked out her, her heart started pumping quicker than the speed of light, and she’d dropped the pen she’d been holding. Her hands were shaking like an earthquake.

 

 _Do I call her over here? Do I do a friendly wave? Should I just look away?_ Josie’s mind kept asking a million questions at once on what she should do.

 

**_I heard you asked about me through a friend._ **

 

Josie took another peek at her ex-girlfriend. She’d noticed a few subtle differences. She noticed how she had dark circles under her eyes. She noted how Penelope had kept her hair short except she had learned how to curl it better than before (Josie didn’t think it was possible).

 

Josie’s mind trailed back to a few days ago. MG texted her saying that Penelope had asked about her. He asked for permission on what to say. Josie tried to play it cool by saying “whatever you want” but she really wanted him to tell her about how she’d grown as a person and how she was not seeing anyone.

 

Josie would be lying if she said she didn’t know that Penelope was single too. Every so often she’d check up on the girl’s social media pages. Davina appeared on her page less and less and in one of the captions it explains how she was happy that Davina had gotten back with Kol. Curiosity got the best of her so she went onto Davina’s profile and saw how she was now engaged to the boy.

 

Her mind took a few steps back. _Wait. She’s single, I’m single. We’ve both taken time for ourselves and became the best version of ourselves (or so she hopes). Maybe this is her chance to make it right._

 

**_My adrenaline kicked in ‘cause I’ve been asking about you too and now we’re out here in this room._ **

 

It was now or never. Penelope had just been given the coffee that she had ordered.

 

“Penelope!” Josie called out. She waved her over to where she sat.

 

The shock that Josie had taken the initiative to call her over was evident on Penelope’s face. Regardless, she made her way over to where the girl sat.

 

“Hey.” She greeted. “It’s nice to see you.”

 

“You too. Would you like to sit?” Josie offered.

 

Penelope look conflicted. She opened her mouth to say something but she shut it quickly. “Oh my god.” Josie pressed her palm against her face. “You’re probably really busy, I don’t know why I just assumed-” Josie rambled.

 

Penelope gave her a soft smile. “No, I’m actually not busy. I’d love to sit.” She pulled out the vacant chair opposite of Josie and sat down. Josie scrambled to gather her mess of papers strewn across the table and she slammed her songwriting journal shut.

 

**_I get a little bit nervous around you._ **

 

Josie had a momentary celebration in her mind that her ex was willingly sitting in front of her. But that quickly vanished and she was back to having heart palpitations and sweaty hands.

 

“S-So how are you?” Josie stuttered, her adrenaline had fully left her system.

 

“I’m doing well actually. I just finished a project for work so I got to leave a little early.” Penelope explained leaning back in her chair.

 

“You were at work? On a Sunday?”

 

“Yeah, I don’t mind it though. I fell behind at work this week so I had to catch up otherwise everything would pile up.”

 

“Oh I see…”

 

The two stayed quiet for a moment. There was a lot they wanted to say, but a lot that they couldn’t. They didn’t really know where each other stood at this point.

  
“How about you? How’s school or work?” Penelope spoke up.

 

“Oh.” Josie puffed. “I’m not in school anymore. I figured that I’d rather try my shot at music. You always used to say that I should try and pursue it. I finally decided to and I actually got a record deal.”

 

“No way? That’s insane, congratulations. You really deserve it.” Penelope genuinely responded.

 

Josie smiled. “Thank you. I’m in the process of writing and recording my album but the only problem is that I literally can’t write any more songs to save my life. I have all these ideas, but I can’t seem to put them into words.”

 

“What do you have so far?” Penelope sat up and leaned her elbows on the table.

 

**_Get a little bit stressed out when I think about you._ **

 

Josie’s eyes went wide. She clutched her journal. “Oh um.”

 

Penelope took notice of her change in demeanor. “I’m sorry. It’s okay if you don’t want to share. I know how personal each song you’ve written is. I remember back when we were dating you’d barely ever let me take a peek at your songs.”

 

Josie smiled at how she remembered. “It’s okay. I don’t think I’m comfortable enough to share the lyrics I’ve written just yet, but here, how about this. What if you helped me come up with a tune?”  

 

Penelope eagerly nodded. Josie got out her laptop and opened her music making software. She plugged in her headphones. She stuck the right earbud in right left ear and offered Penelope the left earbud. The two leaned on the table to see the laptop Josie had placed in between them.

 

**_Get a little excited baby, when I think about you._ **

 

They toyed with the sounds on the software. Josie was having trouble steadying her erratic heartbeat. Just being in the mere presence of the girl was enough to set her skin on fire. Josie would suggest using a certain sound and Penelope would give her sincere opinion on it. Other times, Penelope’s goofy side would come out and she’d pick out a sound that was obviously just to get a laugh out of the girl.

 

Josie missed this. She missed laughing and having a good time with the girl beside her. She got excited thinking about how this could be the start to their new and improved relationship. Josie wasn’t much for cliches, but she couldn’t help but think about how they’d met up at an empty coffee shop after years apart and how everything seemed to fall away when it was the two of them. Josie shook away those thoughts and returned her attention back to her computer screen.

 

After about an hour of barely making any progress because they’d strayed from finding actual beats and sounds to finding and coming up with the most ridiculous sounds. Nonetheless, the whole ordeal caused both girls to have wide smiles and an aching stomach from laughter.

 

Josie thought they’d overstayed their welcome at the empty coffee shop, so she packed up her stuff and invited Penelope to take a walk with her. Penelope agreed right away.

 

**_Talk a little too much around you. Get a little self-conscious around you._ **

 

The two strolled around the city talking about anything, catching up on what they’d missed in the years since they’d last spoken. They talked about many things but one of the things that stuck out was the conversation they had about their self growth.

 

“Basically, I’ve found a way to enjoy simple things in life. Whether it be the color of the sky, driving with the windows down, reading a book that resonates with me, or just bringing a smile to someone’s face.” Josie expressed.

 

Josie went on. “And I love myself more than I ever have before. It’s such a liberating feeling. I’ve decided to put my worth over Lizzie’s, or anybody’s really. I used to think it was selfish but it’s not. It’s just taking care of yourself.”

 

“Oh god.” Josie stopped in her tracks and pressed her palms to her face again. “I’ve been talking too much, I haven’t even let you get a sentence in. I’m so sorry.”

 

Penelope let out a short chuckle. “Josie, it’s okay.” She gently tried prying the girl’s hands away from her face. “I had no problem listening to you go on about how you’ve changed as a person. It’s really nice to hear that. That’s exactly what I wanted for you.”

 

“Thank you.” Josie softly mumbled. Penelope’s hands lingered on the sides of her face. She looked into the girl’s everso piercing hazel eyes. They were only inches away.

 

Penelope stared back into Josie’s chocolate colored eyes. More than anything, she wanted to kiss her, but she knew it wasn't’t the right time nor place. She cleared her throat and retracted her hands away. “Anyway. I’ve actually been seeing a therapist actually.”

 

Josie’s eyebrows rose. “Oh really? What for?”

 

The two began walking again and Penelope nervously stuck her hands in her pockets. “Just about my issues with drinking. I’ve actually been somewhat alcohol-free for a few months now. I say somewhat because I have a glass of wine now and then but I haven’t had beer or anything like that in a while.”

 

“That’s good. I’m happy for you.” Josie truthfully replied.

Penelope continued. “And I’ve also been seeing her to help me get over my commitment issues. She uncovered the underlying meaning as to why I was the way that I was. It was ultimately because of my unstable household and how growing up, all my friends had divorced parents too.” Penelope looked down at her feet. Josie placed a hand on her arm to give her gentle encouragement. “But my therapist has helped me make so much progress. I’ve been having less and less sessions with her actually.” Penelope spoke.

 

“I’m really proud of you.” Josie articulated. “That must’ve taken a lot of courage.” Penelope only nodded and they continued to walk in silence.

 

**_When I think about you, I get a little excited. Baby, when I think about you. Yeah, when I think about you, babe._ **

 

Josie thought this was it. They were both in good positions in their lives to be ready and to give this another shot. But Josie didn’t quite know how to go about it. They tiptoed around the topic about them getting back together. They both knew that the other was single. The feelings they’d harbored were still there.

 

Josie couldn’t stop picturing what it would be like to be back into her soulmate’s arms. She was 100% ready to give her all to Penelope Park.

 

**_We walked in in the rain a couple blocks to your apartment._ **

 

As if it couldn’t get any more cliche, the once sunny sky had turned into a cloud of rain. Although it was only gently raining, Josie started to panic.

 

“Oh fuck!” Josie cursed as she ducked underneath the nearest thing she could to find shelter. “I don’t want my bag to get wet since my laptop and my songbook is in there.” Josie clutched her bag to her chest. “Maybe we can wait it out?”

 

Penelope looked at the sky before ducking to where Josie took cover. “I don’t think that’d be a smart idea. There are darker rain clouds coming towards us so it’ll only get worse. Who knows how long we’d be trapped here.”

 

“Damn it.” Josie cursed again.

 

“Here, wrap your bag with this.” Penelope suggested as she took off her jacket and extended her arm out for Josie to take.

 

Josie looked at the tan jacket in front of her. “Are you sure?” She asked.

 

“I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.” Penelope encouraged.

 

“Will you be okay? It’s kinda cold out.” Replied Josie.

 

Penelope chuckled. “Josie, take the damn jacket. My apartment isn’t too far from here. We can walk there and wait out the rain.”

 

Josie reluctantly took the jacket and wrapped her bag up in it to protect it from the rain. After she wrapped it, she clutched it to her chest to try and shield it from the rain even more.

 

They briskly walked back to Penelope’s apartment. Josie didn’t recognize the area. The area was so unfamiliar to her.

 

“Did you move?” Josie questioned.

 

“Yeah.” Penelope confirmed. “I moved to be closer to work.” She seemed almost nervous to say the next part. Yet, she softly added. “Plus the apartment we shared before had too many memories.”

 

Josie pursed her lips and nodded.

 

**_You told me to come inside. Caught me staring in your eyes._ **

 

They got to Penelope’s apartment and Penelope invited her inside. Josie couldn’t help but notice how plain and simple everything in her apartment looked but it was still really nice. She enjoyed the muted color scheme she had going on. She was too busy taking everything in that she forgot she was sopping wet from the rain.

 

“Here, I’ll be right back to get you a change of clothes or something. That way you’d have something to wear while we run your clothes in the dryer.” Penelope courteously offered.

 

“Thanks.” She softly replied. She continued to look around. Everything looked so new. Like there wasn’t a trace of anything they had in their apartment a few years prior. But she heard a soft meow and she turned to see Murph prowling into the room.

 

“Hey Murph.” Josie cooed as she squat down next to the cat. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. You’ve gotten so big!”

 

The black cat was audibly purring as Josie pet her. Josie normally didn’t really like cats, but Murphy’s Law was an exception.

 

Minutes later, Penelope returned sporting a t-shirt and sweatpants. She was in lazy attire and Josie still thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Josie got up from petting the cat that she had bought Penelope for their second anniversary. Penelope’s heart swelled at seeing the sight of the two together again.

 

“I brought these for you to change into.” Penelope handed her a pile of clothes and a hairdryer on top. “And a blowdryer so you can dry your hair.”

 

“Thank you.” Josie smiled.

 

“The bathroom is down the hall and the first door on your left.” Penelope instructed. “You can leave your wet clothes in the bathtub there. I can get them and put them in the dryer in a second.”

 

Josie nodded and shuffled away into the bathroom to change. When she got out she noticed that Penelope was lounging on the couch with Murphy cuddled up into her side. There were so many days that Josie would come home from class to see that sight as soon as she walked into the door. The sight mixed with the subtle touch of Penelope’s scent on her change of clothes brought back a wave of nostalgia.

 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this my The 1975 t-shirt?” Josie half-joked, pointing out the shirt that Penelope had given her.

 

“Was it? Honestly, our wardrobes had just combined at one point and I don’t even remember who’s is who’s.” Penelope half-lied. She actually knew it was Josie’s. She kept it because it was the one thing that Josie had left. It was the only thing that smelled like Josie. After their breakup, she’d wear it just so she could pretend like the girl was still there. After wearing it numerous times and drenching it in her tears, it lost all trace of the girl. She’d left it untouched ever since.

 

“You’re not wrong there.” Josie laughed as she sat on the couch a short distance from Penelope and Murph. “So tell me about this place?”

 

“Well,” Penelope let out a breath. “I moved here maybe a year after we broke up. Like I said before, the apartment we both lived in held too many memories. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I pretty much got rid of everything that reminded me of you. It hurt too much to even have the slightest of memory of you around. So everything you see now is pretty much brand new and the decorations are minimal and muted because that’s how life was without you.”

 

“Pen-” Josie started before she was interrupted.

 

“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one that treated you poorly and I had what was coming to me. I was such a dick to you. So I’m the one that should be apologizing.” Penelope expressed.

 

Josie gave her a weak smile. Penelope gently scooted out from under a sleeping Murphy. “I’m gonna go run your clothes in the dryer.”

 

Josie nodded and sat there. In her quest to find herself, she hadn’t realized quite the impact that their breakup had on the other girl as well. She didn’t know to what extent their breakup had caused the other girl. For years, she thought that it hurt Penelope a little, but she was able to carry on with her head high. She didn’t expect for Penelope to move into a whole new place and get brand new decorations because of it.

 

Penelope returned a few moments later and the two sat in a comfortable silence as they watched something on the TV. Neither of them dared to say anything more. This was the farthest they’d ever ventured into speaking about their past. She looked out the window and the rain had went from a light drizzle to a pouring of rain. Josie concluded she’ll probably be here for a while.

 

An episode of what they had been watching had finished and Penelope finally decided to speak up. “Are you hungry? I could order us some food.”

 

Josie was about to decline but her stomach grumbled. She was starving. Penelope let out a light laugh. “Yeah I could eat.” Josie answered.

 

“Do you want pizza? I know this great place that delivers.” Penelope suggested.

 

“Sure. Just not pineapple pizza please.” Josie gave her a pointed look.

 

Penelope’s jaw dropped in fake offense. “You’re telling me that after all these years, you still hate the delicious taste of pineapple pizza?”

 

“I always have. Always will.” Josie shrugged.

 

Penelope let out a dramatic sigh. “Fine, as the great hostess that I am, I will go with my guest’s wishes and get her bland ass cheese pizza.”

 

It was Josie’s turn to fake offense. “It’s not bland! It’s just why tarnish the flavor of the original goodness?”

 

“I see that your reasoning skills have not quite improved.” Penelope giggled.

 

“Hey!” Josie pouted as she lightly hit the girl’s arm.

 

Penelope playfully rolled her eyes and got out her phone to order the pizza. “I think your laundry is done. You can go check it. It’s the room right next to the bathroom.”

 

Josie playfully stuck out her tongue at the girl and got up off the couch. She made her way down the hallway. However, instead of going to the first door on the left, she went into the first door on the right. Needless to say, it wasn’t the laundry room.

 

In fact, it was Penelope’s room. Josie didn’t mean to intrude, but her curiosity get the best of her because even in the dark, she could make out the figure of something she had gotten the girl years ago. She flipped on the lights and her suspicions were correct. There, on the wall was the frame she had gotten Penelope the night she asked her to be her girlfriend.

 

Her jaw dropped and her heart was going a million miles a minute. “Josie?” She heard in the distance. But all the words got stuck in her throat and her feet were glued to the floor.

 

“Did you find it okay?” Penelope called out.

 

Josie was still in awe. She didn’t know what this meant. Penelope came in after a second later.

 

“What are you-” Penelope started.

 

“You kept it?” Josie interrupted. Penelope followed Josie’s stare.

 

Penelope gulped. “Yeah. It was the one thing I couldn’t get rid of. Well, that and Murph.”

 

“Why?” Josie turned to her.

 

Penelope looked Josie in the eyes before she tore her gaze away and looked beyond her. “It was too sentimental to get rid of. It was so thoughtful and by far one of the most memorable days of my life. I thought that one reminder, although no matter how painful, would suffice.” Penelope nervously scratched the back of her neck.

 

Josie couldn’t take it anymore. She had to do what she’d been aching to do. So she grabbed Penelope by the neck and planted her lips right on hers. Penelope immediately reciprocated the kiss. The two familiarized themselves with each other once again.

 

Josie had always dreamt of what it would be like to kiss Penelope again, but nothing in her dreams could ever compare to how it felt in that moment. It was intoxicating. It was passionate. It was extraordinary. Penelope wrapped her arms around Josie’s waist and pulled her closer. Their lips moved in sync.

 

Josie doesn’t know how long they continued to kiss for but it must’ve been a while because amidst their heated makeout session, the sound of the doorbell rang throughout the apartment.

 

Penelope pulled away a little and rested her forehead against Josie’s. “I forgot we ordered pizza.” She breathlessly laughed.

 

“Well are you going to go get it?” Josie panted.

 

Penelope made a face as if she were thinking. “No, I’d much rather stay here with you.”

 

“Well that sucks, because I’m hungry. So I guess I’ll get it instead.” Josie quipped.

 

Josie waltzed out of the door of the room, leaving Penelope to stand there. Penelope shook her head and followed her after taking a minute to recuperate.

 

**_And I’m not usually like this but I like what you’re doing to me. Ah, what you’re doing to me._ **

 

They ate the pizza in relative silence. They don’t talk about the kiss. Things become extra flirty and they push the boundaries of what could potentially be dangerous territory. The rain had stopped pouring and Josie takes it as a sign that she should probably head back home. She makes sure to thank Penelope for her hospitality and Penelope makes sure that they exchange numbers.

 

From the minute Josie left Penelope’s apartment, she was attached to her phone. Typing away texting the girl who’d always clogged her mind. From the minute Josie left Penelope’s apartment, a smile was glued to her face.

 

She liked the effect that Penelope had on her. She liked exactly what Penelope was doing to her. She argued that it was long awaited and much needed.

 

**_I get a little bit nervous around you. Get a little bit stressed out when I think about you._ **

 

The next time they hang out was a couple days later. They meet up for lunch. Josie had grown bold when they were texting, but when she was back in the presence of the girl whomst she’d been in love with for a good portion of her life, she was a nervous mess.

 

She didn’t know what they were. They flirted _a lot_ but there was not much else to say. Were they just friends? Could they be anything more? Surely that kiss changed everything right?

 

Josie was stressed. She wanted confirmation of where they stood. She didn’t mind just being her friend, but she would just like to know exactly what they were so she could act accordingly.

 

**_Get a little excited baby when I think about you. Yeah, when I think about you, babe_ **

 

After lunch, they walked around the town. They had their arms interlocked with one another. It wasn’t hand holding, but it was still physical closeness. They paraded around the town like that and Josie couldn’t help but think that this was somewhat what it would be like if they started dating again.

 

The thought of dating Penelope again made her giddy. She’d want nothing more than a shot at being with the love of her life again.

 

**_Talk a little too much around you. Get a little self-conscious when I think about you._ **

 

When their lunch escapades ended, Penelope had to get back to work, but she was thankful that Josie was able to accompany her. They parted ways and once again, Josie was attached to her phone. That’s how she was like whenever they weren’t around each other.

Josie would have so much to say in text, but in person she was as quiet as a mouse. Josie grew self conscious of how many texts in a row she’d send to Penelope without the other girl responding. She was worried that she was annoying the girl. But each time, Penelope would respond back with the same intensity and the same (or even more) number of messages. It lifted Josie’s spirits every time she did. She didn’t know why she felt this way. She never acted like this back when they were dating.

 

**_Get a little excited baby, when I think about you. Yeah, when I think about you, babe._ **

 

Penelope finally asked her out on a date. Josie screamed into her pillow out of excitement.

 

**_You got me acting like I’ve never done this before._ **

 

She spent the entire day pacing back and forth in her room and trying to figure out what she was going to wear. She felt like a little kid finally getting asked out by their crush for the first time. Josie didn’t know why she was feeling so nervous. She’s gone on plenty of dates with Penelope before. And, if you count their hangouts in the past two weeks, it would basically be the same. Except instead of “hangout” the connotation is now “date.” Everything would still be the same, they’d talk, enjoy each other’s company. Except for the fact that now she could potentially end up kissing Penelope or even farther, sleeping with her.

 

They hadn’t kissed since they did in Penelope’s room the day their lives crossed paths. The possibility of kissing her again put an extra pep in Josie’s step.

 

**_I promise I’ll be ready when I walk through the door._ **

 

Josie will be ready to show Penelope that she was ready for this now. She was ready for them to finally be together again. That she was in this for the long haul. She threw on her white collared blouse and a pair of ripped jeans. She tied the entire look together by putting her hair up in space buns, letting a few strands of hair fall to give it a semi-messy but cute look.

 

**_I get a little bit nervous around you._ **

 

Josie showed up for the date and Penelope was already waiting at the table. The second Josie appeared, Penelope stood up, and like the gentlewoman she is, she pulled Josie’s chair out for her.

 

“I guess chivalry isn’t dead.” Josie joked.

 

“I’ve got a lot of making up to do, you deserve to be treated like a queen so that’s exactly what I’m doing.” Penelope smoothly responded.

 

“You don’t have to do that. I’ve already forgiven you for the past. We both made mistakes back then. All that matters is how we act now.” Josie voiced.

 

“I know that I don’t have to, but I want to. And I want to show you that I’ve changed and that I really want this.” Penelope calmly replied. “Like I said when you moved out of the apartment we once shared, if you love something, set it free and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be.”

 

Josie blushed at the implication that Penelope still loved her. “I really want this too.”

 

“Good, now sit back, relax, and let’s enjoy this evening. Okay?”

 

Josie nodded. The rest of the evening went by smoothly. It was filled with charm, laughter, and an all around good time. Penelope slowly walked Josie to her car. Before their inevitable departure, Penelope kissed Josie. It was a different kind of kiss than the one they had shared in Penelope’s room a couple weeks ago. That kiss was sloppy and intense. This one, however, was short and sensual.

 

Penelope pulled away and opened the car door for Josie who slid into her car. They whispered “Bye” to one another before Josie drove off.

 

**_Get a little bit stressed out when I think about you_ **

 

Josie was happy for the wonderful night out with Penelope, but her mind couldn’t stop coming up with reasons as to why Penelope had kissed her shortly and hadn’t asked her to be her girlfriend. They went out on two more dates after that and the results were still the same.

 

Penelope would say that she was ready for this but her actions would say otherwise. Josie was going mad with the possibilities as to why she hadn’t been asked to be her girlfriend. It put a damper on her mood but she figured that if she waited for the girl this long, what’s a few months (potentially) more.

 

**_Get a little excited baby, when I think about you, babe._ **

 

Penelope asked Josie out on an impromptu date. It was weird the way she had asked her though. Penelope knocked on Josie’s apartment door at around 9 o’clock in the morning. When a Josie opened the door, dressed in her pajamas, she was met with Penelope who had on a black blazer, trousers, and tie. She wore a ridiculous hat and held out a silver platter.

 

“If I open the silver platter, should I expect to find your heart on it?” Josie joked.

 

“Not just yet.” Penelope winked. “Open it.”

 

Skeptically, Josie took the lid off of the platter only to find a neatly folded white paper on the platter.

 

“You really came here to give me a note?” Josie asked confusedly.

 

“Good day, madam.” Penelope bowed before exiting.

 

“You’re so weird.” Josie called after her

 

She unfolded the note and read:

 

_Dress casual, I’ll pick you up at noon._

_P.S. No I will not be wearing this ridiculous outfit on the date._

 

Josie laughed at the girl’s antics. Penelope Park was truly something else.

 

Promptly at noon, Penelope knocked on Josie’s apartment door. Thankfully, she was dressed like a normal human being. She wore a sleeveless black top paired with tan colored pants. Josie took one look at the stunning girl and her heart did flips.

 

Penelope led Josie to her car. She opened the passenger side door for her.

 

“You know you don’t need to keep doing that right?” Josie questioned.

 

“I know. But I like to do it.” Penelope shrugged.

 

Penelope started the car and drove off towards their destination. With one hand on the steering wheel, she took Josie’s hand in the other and rested their intertwined hands on Josie’s lap. Josie felt utterly content. After driving for about 30 minutes, they’d finally arrived.

 

“A shopping mall? Really?” Josie deadpanned.

 

Penelope didn’t say anything. Instead, she bolted out of the car and around to the passenger side, opening the door for Josie before she could get the chance to do it herself.

 

The two walked hand in hand as they entered the mall. This wasn’t just any mall, however, it was the higher end shopping outlets. Therefore it had all the designer brands.

 

“Today is all about you. Whatever you want, I’ll get it for you.” Penelope declared.

 

Josie smiled at her gesture. “You know that I don’t need materialistic things.”

 

“Well yeah, but I just thought you deserve to be spoiled once in a while. So please, let me do this for you.” Penelope reasoned.

 

Josie slightly nodded and Penelope beamed. She led Josie into one of the stores. Everything looked gorgeous. Josie looked at a few tops and blouses. Whatever Josie mentioned was cute, Penelope encouraged her to try on. They came across a beautiful red dress and Penelope instantly knew that when Josie tried it on, it would make her knees go weak.

 

Josie came out of the dressing room wearing the red dress. Penelope’s prediction was right. Her knees went weak and her mouth went dry.

 

“Y-You look beautiful.” Penelope stuttered.

 

“Thank you.” She looked at the price tag. “That price, however, is not beautiful.”

 

“Jojo,” Penelope soothed. However it did the opposite, at the mention of the old nickname, Josie’s heart skipped a beat. “Please don’t worry about the price. I promise you, I’ll get you whatever you want.”

 

Josie knew it would be useless to fight her on it. So she reluctantly agreed and retreated back to the dressing room to try on some other clothing.

 

Everything the girl tried on looked gorgeous on her. Penelope wanted to buy the whole store for her, to be honest. They left the store, and went into another. All the while, Penelope carried the bags.

 

“You know I would be fine if I just tried these on right?” Josie attempted once more when they had left yet another store.

 

“Well when you look that good in everything that you try on, it’s mandatory that you buy it.” Penelope justified.

 

“Okay fine. But I can carry the bags too you know?” Josie tried.

 

Penelope shook her head. “Today, I’m catering to you. You spent years of your life catering to me or to Lizzie. It was only time that someone catered to you and your needs.”

Josie was at a loss for words. She wanted to say something, anything in return. But she came up short and the next thing she knew, she was ushered into another shop..

 

After literally shopping til she dropped, Josie couldn’t have asked for a better day out with Penelope. But Penelope had one more thing in mind. She piled all the shopping bags into her car and drove Josie to one more spot.

 

The parking lot that Penelope had parked in was oddly familiar to Josie.

 

“Have I been here before? I feel like I know this place.” Josie thought aloud.

 

“Maybe you’ve been here, maybe you haven’t. Take my hand and close your eyes.” Penelope returned.

 

That phrase in this context also seemed familiar to Josie. Except, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

 

She reached for Penelope’s hand and closed her eyes as the other girl led her a short distance from where they parked.

 

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” Penelope urged.

 

Josie opened her eyes, she saw a small gazebo littered with fairy lights. Her eyes wandered the gazebo, noticing a few lit candles, In the middle of the gazebo was a small rounded table with a bouquet of different colored roses sitting on top. Next to the table, there were two chairs opposite of each other. One chair was empty while the other seemed to have a picture frame of some sort propped up on it. As the brown eyed girl got closer, she noticed that it read:

 

The Night You Came Back To Me

The Stars Above

Mystic Falls, Virginia

September 23, 2024 at 1:02 pm

 

It was all coming back to Josie now. This was exactly how Josie had asked Penelope to be her girlfriend all those years ago. Tears were brimming in her eyes. She turned to look at the girl who’d she’d been hopelessly in love with.

 

“At 1:02 pm on September 23rd, I walked into the nearest coffee shop I could because I desperately needed something to wake me up. Little did I know that you would be sitting inside. When I saw you, I felt relief, I felt hope, joy, sadness, and a mix of other emotions.” Penelope choked out. “Years ago, we were both broken and in need to be fixed. That had to be done separately, but now we’ve been apart for long enough. That heartache from when we broke up only helped to shape us into who we are now. This is what the Virginia night sky looked like at the exact time and day I walked into the shop. I remember because I kept the receipt and the time was stamped on it.”

 

“If I had gone into any other coffee shop, we wouldn’t have met up again. And getting to know you again has been so refreshing and invigorating. I’ve kept telling you that I want to do this, so here I am. Would you please give me another chance to make this right and be my girlfriend?” Penelope asked with tears streaming down her face.

 

Josie, a bawling mess, only nodded in response. She walked over to the girl and mashed her lips into Penelope’s. Josie had been so caught up in wondering where they stood and she couldn’t be happier knowing that this is all the confirmation that she needed. This was the start of a new chapter in her life.

 

“Everything is the exact same as how I asked you out. How did you even remember?” Josie asked.

 

“Well when something as memorable as that happens, it’s kinda hard to forget.” Penelope shrugged.

 

“How’d you even pull this off?” Josie inquired.

 

“I had the help of MG and Lizzie.”

“Wait… You? And my sister getting along? That’s not possible.”

 

“I wanted to show you that I’m all in this. I’m going to give it my all. My therapist told me that I should mend some of my broken relationships, and so I tried to mend things with your sister. I know that she’s a huge part of your life and I don’t want to fight with her if we’re going to be together. So, I hit her up one day and I worked things out with her. We’re not like good friends or anything, but we’re both trying.”

 

“God, I fucking love you.” Josie blurted. Her eyes went wide. She only meant to think that, she didn’t intend to say it out loud.

 

However, without missing a beat, Penelope reciprocated. “I love you too Josie. I always have, I always will.”

 

The two kissed again. The kiss wasn’t ferocious or lust-driven. It was a chaste kiss, conveying their feelings for one another.

 

Josie wandered back to the table. She tugged Penelope along as she stared in awe at everything. She saw the different colored roses leaning against one another in the vase that had “hearts that love are always in bloom” engraved on the glass. 

“Literally everything, minus the switch up in the words of the frame is the exact same. I still don’t understand how you remembered. I was the one that planned out this whole thing in the first place and I didn’t even remember the small details like what I engraved on the vase was. Is there something you’re not telling me? Do you have a photographic memory?” Josie asked with a raised brow.

 

Penelope laughed. “I told you, that was too memorable to forget. I attempted to repress the memory. I had it subdued in the back of my brain until the night you saw the frame hanging in my room. When you kissed me again, the memory of that night came rushing back to me and I knew that’s exactly how I’d ask you out. I wanted things to come full circle.”

 

“What do the roses mean?” Josie asked, recalling how on the night Josie had asked Penelope to be her girlfriend, Penelope had asked if there were meaning to the colors or if she just liked the pretty colors.

 

“Well I’m glad you asked.” Penelope beamed. “Yellow means joy and welcome back. I’ve been without you for three or four years even though it felt like a lifetime.”

 

“Coral represents desire, enthusiasm, and happiness. I’m so happy that you’re back in my life. You’ve put the color back in my life. Just thinking about you gives me motivation to get through the day so that it’s one day closer to being with you. And obviously, you’re the person that I desire.”

 

“Burgundy means unconscious beauty or beauty from within. And I know you’ll argue with me, but no matter what you’re doing, you look absolutely stunning. You make anything breathtaking.”

 

“I’m pretty sure you’re talking about yourself on that one.” Josie furrowed her brow.”

 

“Nope. I’m definitely talking about you.” Penelope responded before she went on to explain another rose. “Peach represents appreciation and gratitude. I appreciate everything you’ve done. Our time apart has allowed us to be the person that we are today. And just getting to know you again in these past few weeks, you’ve shown me how to appreciate the small things in life.”

 

“Light pink represents admiration and sweetness. I’ve always admired how sweet you are to people you don’t know. You treat everyone with respect even when they are undeserving of it. I don’t know how you do it, but you’re so kind and so sweet.”

 

“Blue means the impossible. We did the impossible by drifting away for several years only to find our way back to each other. Before, you asked me if I believed in soulmates. I was uneasy on the idea of it before, but the way that gravity pulled us together again after all these years, there’s no doubt in my mind that soulmates exist and that you are my soulmate.”

 

Josie’s heart swelled and she quickly gave Penelope a peck on the lips for that heartfelt explanation. Penelope went on to explain the final rose.

 

“Red and white, when they’re in a rose together, it signifies unity. And together, I feel like we can conquer the world. We’ve spent all this time apart trying to find ourselves but I know there’s something missing, at least for me. I think that the only missing piece I need is you. There’s been a you-shaped void in my heart ever since we broke up and I didn’t think it would ever be patched up until you came into my life again.”

 

“And then obviously the rest are red roses because I love you, no big deal.” Penelope tried to play off.

 

“I love you too, babe.” Josie cooed. She pecked Penelope’s lips once more and the two broke out in the cheesiest smiles.

 

Josie couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened. Most importantly, she couldn’t stop thinking about how Penelope Park, was finally her girlfriend again. Every time she had that thought, she squealed in excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg there’s only one chapter left after this one! Thank you for sticking with me if you’re still reading this. Perhaps I’ll write more Shawn Mendes inspired posie things. This mans really writes songs for Posie. Like c’mon, Aftertaste? Roses?
> 
> And perhaps the shopping & spoiling scene was inspired by The Bachelor and/or Juliantina. Who knows. 
> 
> -Kai (@lmjposie on twitter)


	10. Where Were You In The Morning

**_You said, “I wanna get to know ya.” Why you gotta get my hopes up? You said that you were staying over, but then I woke up to the cold air._ **

 

Despite declaring their love for one another and becoming official, the two had their reservations. It was a precautionary measure just because the two didn’t want to get hurt again. Time and time again, however, they’d reassure each other that this is exactly what they want.

 

There was a huge rain storm last night that made for awful driving conditions. Penelope was originally only planning to come over to pick her girlfriend up for them to go on a date, but their plans soon changed when the rain came pouring down. Instead, they’d traded a day where they’d be sipping on fine wine at a extravagant restaurant for drinking iced tea and playing board games in lazy attire. Neither Penelope nor Josie minded though. Any time with the other was a blast. They basked in each other’s company and revelled in their light banter as they busted out Josie’s dusty old board games.

 

Josie thought that after last night, things were good between them. Great actually. Because when their teasing jokes were all said and done, the night ended like many nights prior. The two slipped under the sheets of the Josie’s bed and they’d had a long and tiring night of making each other writhe under their touch.

 

Josie stirred awake in the wee hours of the morning. Noticing her arm was not slung around her girlfriend, she lazily shuffled to her girlfriend’s side of the bed. With her eyes closed, obviously still tired, she felt around for her girlfriend. Instead of being greeted with a warm body, she felt the cool air and a cold bed.

 

The idea that Penelope was just in the bathroom sprung into her head. However, after waiting in the cold and lonely bed for fifteen minutes, she figured that wasn’t the case. Her eyes show open and Josie was riddled with whatever she had done wrong. She tried replaying the night over and over again in her mind. Sure, things got quite heated due to each other’s incessant competitive nature, but it was all out of good fun. She racked her brain of anything out of the ordinary but she was coming up blank.

 

**_How could you make me believe? That there was something in between you and me, yeah. I look around and I don’t see you._ **

 

Josie thought she knew her girlfriend better than this. She knew her girlfriend’s favorite book, her love for math, her favorite song, why she prefers coffee over tea. She knew of all the places the girl wanted to travel to. She understood the girl’s obsession with Harry Potter, her love for astrology, why she puts her left sock on and then her left shoe before proceeding to put her right sock and her right shoe on. But she didn’t understand why the girl would just up and leave her. Josie thought that everything was going perfect. They didn’t quite pick things up where they left off, but it was better this way. The changes in their character from maturing and time apart reflected that.

Normally, Josie wouldn’t be this high strung, But something about this felt off. She felt it in her gut. Leaving her in the middle of the night or day just wasn’t Penelope.

 

**_Where were you in the morning, baby? You didn’t leave your number for me. Left me without a warning, baby. Where were you in the morning, baby?_ **

 

By 8:45am Josie was fully awake and pacing around her room. Panicking and overthinking about everything. She obsessively checked her phone in hopes that Penelope would text her a heads up like “Went to go pick us up some breakfast x” or “Went home to feed Murph. Be back soon!” but her texts were dryer than the Sahara Desert.

 

Josie nervously ran her fingers through her hair and chewed on her bottom lip. _What if she’s just in the living room or the kitchen and I’m making a big deal over nothing?_ Josie thought. She chuckled shortly and hastily left her bedroom and ran into the living room. To her disappointment, Penelope wasn’t there. She swiftly turned on her heels and looked towards her kitchen. She wasn’t there either.

 

Josie let out an aggravated grunt and kicked the lounge chair adjacent to her. In hindsight, kicking a large chair with a wooden frame with her bare foot probably wasn’t the best of ideas. She could’ve hit it on the cushioned part, but instead she kicked one of the legs. She winced in pain and jumped around in a circle on one foot while the pain soothed. Even if you took the amount of pain that she inflicted on herself by kicking the chair and multiplied it by 100, it wouldn’t even come close to the pain in her chest at the thought of losing Penelope again. This time, over something she couldn’t even pinpoint where she went wrong.

 

**_And how do you, how do you just walk away?_ **

 

Josie thought they were better than this. She thought that Penelope was better than this. Things were great. They were communicating. She thought they’d gotten past all the previous baggage. But Penelope’s abrupt exit had felt like someone dumped a gallon of ice cold water on Josie. Leaving without a trace seemed like the Penelope from years ago and not the one that she’d gotten to know lately.

 

Call her obsessed, but Josie tried texting her. Calling her. She swung by her apartment. Even asked some of her friends about her. But every single time, there was no answer.

 

Josie took a deep breath trying to calm herself down. She told herself that she was probably freaking out over nothing. Penelope hadn’t even been gone for six hours and Josie was a panicked mess. But then, the six hours turned into sixteen. Then it turned to 36 and then 48. Josie was going mad. They went three years without speaking to each other but then as soon as they met all over again in the coffee shop, the longest they’d go without speaking was maybe five or six hours, which was only because they were sleeping. On nights where they weren’t falling asleep next to each other, they would fall asleep on the phone together. Penelope made Josie feel like she was a young teenager all over again struck by love.

 

**_And I thought you really felt this when we were talking about breakfast. You made it seem like we connected, I guess I just didn’t expect this._ **

 

_The two were in the kitchen trying to decide what to eat. Josie was scanning the very much empty fridge meanwhile Penelope was pouring them a cup of coffee. Penelope waltzed over and wrapped her arms around Josie’s waist from behind. Because she was considerably shorter than her girlfriend, instead of tucking her head into the crook of Josie’s neck, she had to settle for resting her head against the girl’s back._

 

_“Random question, what’s your favorite meal of the day?” Josie voiced aloud._

 

_Penelope mused. She missed being this close to Josie. The two of them had been extra clingy to each other, just trying to get their fair share of cuddles and body warmth they’d missed out on over the years. “My favorite meal might have to be breakfast.”_

 

_Josie turned around in Penelope’s arms and looked the girls in her dazzling eyes. She tucked a hair behind the girl’s ear. “So you like breakfast.” She smirked. “I think I know who will be making breakfast when we live together.”_

 

_“You’ve lived with me before.” Penelope pointed. “You know first hand just how good my skills are in the kitchen.”_

 

_Josie practically moaned at the remembrance of the delicious croissants she used to make. Her mouth even savored at the thought of her infamous fluffy chocolate chip pancakes. “I missed your croissants that basically melted in your mouth as soon as they reach your tongue. Truth be told, I missed those over the past three years than I missed you.”_

 

_“I don’t even blame you. Those croissants when baked to perfection are to die for.” Penelope agreed. She clicked her tongue. “I never could quite make them the way that I used to after we broke up.”_

 

_“And why is that?”_

 

_“I don’t know. I didn’t really try much actually. It’s dumb but… it kinda went back to the whole everything that I did reminded me of you. So baking the croissants that you loved was pretty much off limits.” Penelope gave her a sad smile._

 

_“Babe, It’s not dumb. I totally understand that. That’s how I felt about singing Frank Ocean.”_

 

_Penelope stood on her tiptoes and gave her girlfriend a quick peck on the lips just for being so understanding. She didn’t know how Josie got her and understood her on every level. She then rested her head back on Josie’s chest._

 

_“I think I may actually have some of the ingredients to make the croissants. What do you say I give it another shot?” Penelope said after a moment of listening to Josie’s heartbeat._

 

_“Is that even a question? Of course! Need any help?”_

 

_“Always. Maybe part of the reason why they never tasted as good was because I didn’t have my little baking apprentice to help me.”_

 

_“You hardly let me do anything.” Josie deadpanned. “The most I ever do is just spread the melted butter on top of the croissant.”_

 

_“That’s the most important part!” Penelope reasoned. “Besides, you look cute in a little apron and chef’s hat, I wouldn’t want you to get your hands dirty.”_

 

_“Let me help.” Josie pleaded._

 

_Penelope sighed. “Okay, go grab the butter and the milk from the fridge.”_

 

_Josie grinned in response and got out the needed ingredients. Penelope fetched the flour, sugar, salt, and yeast from the pantry. Penelope had Josie roll out the dough that she didn’t let Josie touch in the process of making. The two worked in harmony in the kitchen. They’d expertly swivel around each other and seamlessly pick up where the other left off. Josie loved this feeling._

 

_After baking for hours, the timer finally rang signalling that the croissants were done. Penelope let Josie to the honors of spreading the butter on top._

 

_“Time to see if our hard work paid off.” Penelope giggled. She crossed her fingers and let Josie take the first bite despite it feeling like her mouth was on fire due to the intense amount of heat from the pastries that were fresh out of the oven. “So what do you think?”_

 

_“Amazing as usual. I think I could eat these every morning for the rest of my life.” Josie responded with her mouth full._

 

_Penelope shrugged. “You can if you move in with me (again).”_

 

_“Maybe I will.” Josie said before stuffing her face with another croissant. “Just to be clear, it’d be because of these pastries, not because I’d get to see you more often.”_

 

_Penelope chuckled. “Of course. I’m only asking so that I could have a cute assistant in the kitchen.”_

 

_The two didn’t bring up the topic of moving in together again. Neither of them seemed to mind though._

 

Josie faintly smiled at the memory of yesterday morning’s events. Josie thought they really connected. That memory was just a short glimpse of everything that felt so right with them. The way that they understood each other completely or how they were so effortlessly in sync with one another or how they innocently joked around.

 

**_How can you make me believe? That there was something in between you and me, yeah. I look around and I don’t see you._ **

 

_The two were playing scrabble. Except in their game, there was was a twist: you could only put down words that didn’t exist. They had words down like ‘dinkle’, ‘lovealanche’, ‘vajungle’, ‘dicksauce’, ‘tragediva’ and ‘askhole’._

 

_“Okay I’ve got one.” Penelope announced, proud of herself for coming up with something on the spot.” She placed her letters down on the board. “Are you going to ask me what it means?”_

 

_“I’m pretty sure ‘posie’ is an actual word. I can quote it in Ring Around The Rosie for you if you’d like.” Josie smartly replied._

 

_Penelope jokingly rolled her eyes. “My definition is different.”_

 

_“I don’t know, I don’t want to waste one of my definiton requests.” Josie responded. They’d come up with a rule that you can only ask the other person what a word means five times. Josie had previously used one for ‘askhole’ meaning “that asshole who always asks the dumbest questions repeatedly.” She used another for ‘vajungle’ which was “when a woman leaves the party down south unattended for so long.”_

 

_Penelope lightly poked Josie’s side. “Come on! It’ll be worth it I promise.”_

 

_Josie relented. “Fine, besides it being a flower or a bunch of them, what does your word mean?”_

 

_“Posie is our ship name.”_

 

_“Our what now? You got us a boat?” Josie dramatically looked around her apartment as if the boat would somehow magically be in her apartment right now._

 

_Penelope lightly pushed her girlfriend. “You dork, you know what a ship is.”_

 

_“Yeah, yeah. I can’t believe you came up with a ship name for us. Who even does that anymore?”_

 

_“I do and you love it and me.”_

 

_“Do I really though?”_

 

_“Seeing as you put down the word ‘lovealanche’ and you said, and I quote, ‘a sudden occurrence of love in overwhelming qualities. Which is how I’d describe the feeling of falling in love with you.’”_

 

_“Pretty sure that was your imagination.” Josie feigned remembrance and even tried to not-so-subtly steal back the letters from that word._

 

_“Babe! You can’t do that! If you take it off then vajungle won’t be on the board either. I was proud of that one, you know.” Penelope laughed, trying to fix the board again._

 

_“Okay, maybe I do love you but just a little bit.” Josie fake pouted and crossed her arms._

 

_“That statement is about as true as if I were to say that I’m straight. Slightly true, but not really.”_

 

_“Fine.” Josie gave in. “I love you so much.”_

 

_Penelope beamed and leaned over to peck her girlfriend on the lips. “I love you too.”_

 

The memory of their game of scrabble from last night brought a sad smile to Josie’s lips. Just last night, her girlfriend had been the sweetest, most lovable person ever. Except in the morning, she was nowhere to be found and she got to thinking that everything was all an act.

 

**_Where were you in the morning, baby? You didn’t leave your number for me. Left me without a warning, baby. I said where were you in the morning, baby?_ **

 

For two days, Josie was left wondering. She couldn’t get ahold of Penelope. Her friends had no idea where she was either but Davina wasn’t picking up either. Josie’s mind couldn’t help but drift to the thought of Davina and Penelope becoming a thing again. Penelope said that they were never dating, but they were still very intimate with one another. The thought made Josie sick.

 

**_And I hope you had a good visit. Cause I know you had a good time and I’m looking up at the ceiling and I keep wondering why._ **

 

_Josie managed to whip out her old wii console. She was honestly surprised it still worked. The two had gone numerous rounds competing against each other in Mario Kart. Josie would win a couple (Penelope had obviously let her win) and Penelope would win some. Ultimately, Penelope ended up winning the majority of the rounds._

 

_“Another round? I’m having fun kicking your ass.” Penelope grinned._

 

_Josie dramatically sighed. “I think I’ve lost enough of my pride for the day.”_

 

_“I’ll even use Baby Mario! He’s the slowest character in the game.” Penelope tried._

 

_“Hey!” Josie lightly hit her girlfriend on the shoulder. “I play as Baby Mario.”_

 

_“Maybe that’s why you always lose.” Penelope returned._

 

_Josie thought for a moment. “No, you always win because you’re a cheater!”_

 

_“I’m not a cheater! It’s not my fault you can’t drive properly!” Penelope laughed, putting her hands up in a mock defense._

 

_Josie faked offense. “I’m a perfectly good driver, thank you very much!”_

 

_Penelope played along. “Oh right, because being stuck on a wall with no idea how to reverse is called being such a good driver.”_

 

_“That was one time!”_

 

_“Okay, then how about falling off the map every two seconds. You were struggling so hard, I lapped you!”_

 

_“Rainbow Road is a difficult map!”_

 

_“Sounds like a lot of excuses to me, babe.”_

 

_“They’re not excuses, they’re just the truth.” Josie pouted._

 

_“Whatever you say.” Penelope laughed._

 

_Josie huffed in her spot. Penelope rolled her eyes at her girlfriend’s antics. “How about this. We play the party games and you can be on my team. That way, you’ll always be a winner.”_

 

_“That’s like getting a participation award, no thank you” Josie grumbled._

 

_“Okay, how about we do a rematch and I’ll play with my eyes closed.” Penelope suggested._

 

_“That wouldn’t even be fair at all. That would be like handing me the trophy.” Josie crossed her arms._

 

_“What if we play again and I can’t use any of the powerups.” Penelope tried again._

 

_Josie shook her head and sat quietly in her spot on the couch._

 

_“Babe,” Penelope wrapped her arms around the grumpy girl. “We can do something else then, what do you wanna do?”_

 

_“I’d like to continue to be fake mad at you.” Josie mumbled stubbornly, trying her hardest not to melt at how caring her girlfriend was being._

 

_“Why’re you mad at me?” Penelope asked with a soft voice._

 

_“Because.” Josie grunted._

 

_“Because I’m so good at Mario Kart?” Penelope lightly chuckled._

 

_“Maybe.”_

 

_“I grew up playing this game with all of my brothers. They taught me all the tricks in the book. I was in your shoes whenever I played them. I was probably 11 when I was finally able to beat them.”_

 

_“I didn’t know that. You should’ve warned me that I’d be playing against a pro!”_

 

_“I mean, in my defense I did ask ‘are you prepared to lose?’ when you suggested we play this.”_

 

_“You said that when we played Monopoly too but who ended up going bankrupt?” Josie smirked, forgetting all about how she was trying to be mad at her for no apparent reason other than to be dramatic._

 

_“Okay, but I was doing great until you got me on Park Place. By default, I should definitely own the place.”_

 

_“And let you have the second most expensive property so easily? Not a chance.”_

 

_“That place has my name written all over it though! Literally!”_

 

_“Park is a common word! By that logic, should every parking spot or National Park belong to you too?”_

 

_Penelope nodded as if it was obvious. “Yes!”_

 

_“You’re such an idiot.” Josie laughed. “But really though, that wouldn’t be fair because ‘Saltzman’ isn’t a common thing so I would start off at a disadvantage.”_

 

_“Well when we get married and you become a Park then you and I can share Park Place.” Penelope shrugged easily._

 

_Josie got a warm feeling at the insinuation that Penelope thought about getting married to her. However, she tried to play it cool. “What makes you think I’d take your last name? Josie Park doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.”_

 

_“Penelope Saltzman.” Penelope thought aloud, testing out the sound of it. “Not exactly loving it.”_

 

_“I think it sounds perfect.” Josie beamed._

 

_Penelope hummed. “What about we hyphenate it? Penelope Park-Saltzman. Josie Park-Saltzman.”_

 

_“Why doesn’t my name get to go first? Josie Saltzman-Park. Penelope Saltzman-Park.” Josie started but quickly changed her mind. “Wait, you’re right. It sounds better with your name first. I hate it when you’re right.”_

 

_“But I’m right all the time?” Penelope said in amusement._

 

_“Eh, you have your moments.” Josie shrugged._

 

_“Fair enough.” Penelope agreed._

 

_“Anyway, I’m going to take you up on that offer for one more round except you can’t use any power ups.” Josie changed the subject._

 

_Penelope turned to her girlfriend. “Does that mean you’re done being fake mad at me?”_

 

_Josie narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend while she subtly started the match. “Depends.”_

 

_“On what?” Penelope hummed. She assumed she was going to say ‘if you give me a kiss’ because that’s normally what they do, so she started leaning in._

 

_Penelope was centimeters from Josie’s lips when Josie erupted in a laugh. “If you’re ready to fricken lose!” Josie broke out in a shit eating grin and turned her attention to the screen where the game had started. She quickly found her way into first place while her girlfriend was in last since she had gotten a delayed start._

 

_“You’re such an ass.” Penelope shook her head with a small smile on her face. She then tried making up for her lost time. Instead of replying Josie just stuck out her tongue at the girl which caused Penelope to laugh slightly._

 

_By the final lap, Josie had kept her spot in first place for the time being but Penelope was right behind her. Josie left a trail of bananas but Penelope expertly avoided her. They rounded the corner and the finish line was in sight._

 

_“I’m gonna win it!” Josie excitedly cheered, she started kicking her feet in anticipation._

 

_Josie was just about to cross the finish line when she got hit by a red shell, knocking her character out. “Not on my watch!” Penelope giggled. Her character then whizzed by Josie’s character and crossed the finish line._

 

_“What the fuck!” Josie shot up from the couch and yelled. She was so close to chucking her remote at the screen._

 

_When Josie’s character finally recovered and she was able to finish in 2nd place, she turned to her girlfriend who was doing a little dance in her spot. Josie glared at her._

 

_“Penelope. Fucking. Park.” Josie gritted. “Did you use that red shell on me?”_

 

_While still dancing, Penelope replied “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.”_

 

_“You said you wouldn’t use your power ups! You’re a fucking cheater!” Josie argued._

 

_“My finger slipped?” Penelope weakly reasoned. Obviously she was lying._

 

_Josie plopped back down on the couch and crossed her arms. “That’s it, I’m breaking up with you.”_

 

_Penelope laughed and stopped her mini dance party. She knew her girlfriend wasn’t serious. Josie was just a sore loser. She moved closer to Josie and rested her hand on Josie’s leg. “I just had to defend my title of Mario Kart Champion no matter the cost.”_

 

_Josie shifted her body away from the girl and continued pouting._

 

_“Baby,” Penelope said softly. “Look at me.”_

 

_Josie made no move to look at her. She continued her sulking._

  
  
  
  
  


_Penelope let out a sigh and peppered the girl’s face with kisses. “Let me see that beautiful smile of yours.”_

 

_Josie forced herself to frown, still trying to put up her facade. Penelope resorted to making funny faces but Josie refused to look at her. “Stop, I’m trying to be mad at you again.” She pursed her lips to will away the smile that was trying to wiggle its way out_

 

_“I admit, that was a dick move to throw that red shell at you when you were about to win.” Penelope apologized. “You would’ve won fair and square, so I’m sorry.”_

 

_“And?” Josie added, still not completely satisfied._

 

_Penelope rolled her eyes. “And you can have the title of Mario Kart Champion.”_

 

_“So that would make me…?” Josie pressed._

 

_Penelope let out a deep sigh, she had hoped that her girlfriend had forgotten about it or that she wouldn’t actually make her go through with it. “That would make you the best at everything.” Penelope mumbled under her breath._

 

_Josie tilted her head. “Sorry I couldn’t hear you, what was that?”_

 

_Penelope groaned. “You’re the best at everything. You won at Scrabble, Monopoly, and Mario Kart.”_

 

_“So?” Josie cracked a grin._

 

_“So that means I lost the bet.” Penelope grumbled._

 

_Early on in the night, they had made a bet. They were playing Go Fish, a typically mellow and harmless game, but due to both of their competitive natures, the game became pretty heated. Both wanted to prove that they were the best at card and board games. After the game (that Penelope ended up winning by one pair- Josie claims that Penelope had cheated because she’d asked if she had any sevens and she said she didn’t, but two turns later, Penelope asked her for her sevens) they had come to the conclusion that whoever lost the majority of the games would have a punishment. The loser would have to dress up in something the winner picks out and have to walk around in public wearing the outfit._

 

_“One more thing.” Josie added._

 

_Penelope exhaled. “What more could you want? My pride is literally on the floor!”_

 

_Josie giggled and tapped her finger to her cheek. Penelope took the hint and kissed her cheek._

 

_“I love you, my little loser.” Josie beamed._

 

_“I love you too.” Penelope murmured._

 

Their game night last night had to have been one of the most fun dates they’ve ever had. Josie began to think that Penelope had left in the morning because she wanted to chicken out on going through with the bet. But when she’d been gone for two days without a word, Josie began to think it was something more serious.

 

**_Where were you in the morning, baby?_ **

 

Finally, Josie got a text from Penelope.

 

**Penelope: I am so so so so so god damn sorry for just leaving with no explanation like that. You probably hate me, I’d hate me too, but there’s a reason for why I left. I don’t deserve any more chances but if you would please meet me at our spot by the lake, I can explain everything. I’ll be there at 6 and I’ll wait for two hours. If you don’t show up, I understand. But I just woke up that morning knowing that there was something I needed to do.**

 

Josie was conflicted. Obviously she wanted to know why the girl had just up and left, but she also was on her final straw. Josie would’ve been fine if she had just given her a heads up, but the radio silence she had been met with just reminded her of those three years without her. The 48 hours without her had been torture but there was a voice in the back of her head that told her that this is what she deserved and that maybe they just weren’t meant to be.

 

Josie pondered the idea of going to meet her. Of course Josie still loved her, that didn’t go away within the two-day span. But the pain she had endured of wondering if she was enough had put a damper on her self esteem and her mood in general. In addition, the devil on her shoulder kept telling her that maybe they’re not each other’s soulmates and that they’ve just been in love with the idea of love.

 

Josie decided she wasn’t going to go.

 

She tried busying herself with things. She tried playing the guitar, though she kept messing up the chords. She tried writing songs, except her mind couldn’t come up with anything of substance. She tried calling up her sister, but she cryptically told her that she was busy. She tried cleaning her apartment. Although it was therapeutic in a sense, she was still very wound up and she finished within about 20 minutes.

 

Josie huffed in frustration. She was bored out of her mind. She figured by now it would’ve been well past 6 o’clock, but she looked over at the clock which read 6:15pm. The brown eyed girl was restless. She had to do something, anything. But she couldn’t think of anything other than going to see Penelope.

 

She gave in and grabbed her keys off the counter and began her drive to the lake. The entire drive there, Josie thought of possible explanations that Penelope could say. None of which Josie thought were forgivable. By the time she arrived, Josie convinced herself that the only reason she was going was because she was bored and she wanted to see which of the reasons that she’d come up with would be the one that Penelope was going to go with.

 

Josie got out of her car and she swore she saw a familiar blonde turn away and try to hide themselves from Josie’s view. Josie thought it was peculiar but went on to the path that led to their spot. There, she noticed that small white lanterns lined the path. _That’s new._ Josie thought.

 

Upon entering, a single pink lantern in contrast to trail of white lanterns stood out. Even more so, attached to it was a coral colored rose and a white envelope snuck out from underneath it.

 

Josie couldn’t help but think it had to be for her. Her curiosity got the best of her and she bent down to pick up the envelope with her name on it. Inside was a card.

 

**I’m so sorry Josie. I’ll never stop apologizing. What I did was wrong, and I should’ve talked to you, and I’m not going to make any excuses for it. I’m just so sorry, I hope that you can forgive me.**

**-Penelope**

 

Josie thought this was strange. Why didn’t she just say that to her in person or in a text? Still, it was incredibly vague. It didn’t answer many questions.

 

Regardless, she continued forth. She went on for a few more meters when she felt someone tap on her shoulder. She turned around expecting to see Penelope, but instead was met with her sister. Josie thought she saw her in the parking lot, but she didn’t think it was actually her.

 

“I think that if I can forgive her, so can you.” Lizzie said and handed Josie an envelope. Josie was about to question what the hell was going on, but Lizzie had disappeared within another second.

 

Josie looked down at the envelope labeled for her and opened it slowly. Inside, she found another card. She read the note:

 

**I love you so much, Josie. I woke up that morning with one goal in mind. Something with you just feels so right. And I’ve never been so sure of something in my life.**

**-Penelope**

 

Josie was in for a trip. She had come here with a handful of questions but now she’d think she’d be leaving with more questions than answers. She couldn’t believe Penelope had the audacity to leave for days, text her to meet her here, apologize with cards instead of in person, and now leave her a cute message? Josie had a million conflicting emotions on top of her millions of questions looming in her mind.

 

She aggravatedly groaned and went on. Penelope had to be around here somewhere. Down the path, she noticed a lantern dangling from a tree and a large printed picture of a ukulele pinned to the tree. In addition, there was writing on the picture.

 

**The first time we met.**

 

The first time Josie had ever interacted with Penelope was when they ran into each other at a party and Josie was carrying around her ukelele. Josie was unsure how Penelope would react but she was warm and welcoming.

 

Josie traveled a couple more meters but noticed on another tree, there was another lantern drooping from a tree paired with a picture with a few words written on it. This picture was of a football.

 

**The second time we met.**

 

Josie had saved Penelope from getting hit with a football the next time they met. Josie didn’t know where it came from, the closest thing to sports that she ever did was play Wii Sports, but somehow she managed to sprint across the quad and catch a football before it hit the hazel eyed girl.

 

She followed the trail further and saw yet another lantern swaying from a tree. Except instead of an item being pictured, it was a picture of Josie in her halloween costume of the Dunkin Donut.

 

**October 31, 2017. The night you captured MY heart.**

 

The third time they met was the first time they really got to talk. They’d spent all night talking and that was the first time they slept together, although Josie couldn’t remember much of it because of the alcohol and the fact that it happened about seven years ago. A nostalgic smile spread across her lips.

 

Josie went on a search for the next lantern on the tree. Although, she didn’t have to travel far because on the next tree, there was a picture of their university’s library on the picture.

 

**And so it began.**

 

In that library, a few weeks after the Halloween incident and Josie had given up on her chase after Penelope, The hazel eyed girl had smacked her upside the head then kissed her like no other. What Josie guessed was supposed to be a happy memory, turned into a painful one because of all the hurt and betrayal that accompanied the following few months were when Penelope had toyed with her heart for a while. Even though Josie knew that it was because she was in denial about her feelings, it still hurt nonetheless.

 

A few trees over, there wasn’t a picture pinned against it. Instead, there was just a short note.

 

**The feeling was mutual. I’m hoping the feeling is still mutual.**

 

Josie was perplexed. Obviously Josie still loved Penelope. That couldn’t change within the span of a few days. Yes, she was hurt, but she still loved her nonetheless.

 

On the next tree, the first picture Josie and Penelope had ever taken together was attached to the tree. It was a picture that Josie had taken, she sported a tight lipped smile on her face while Penelope practically had her eyes shut with a bright smile. Her hand was up trying to cover her teeth, except Josie had managed to capture it before she could. Josie wasn’t quite sure how Penelope still had the picture, but you could visibly see how much they had changed and matured.

 

The next picture was one of the frame that Josie had gotten Penelope when Josie asked her to be her girlfriend.

 

**Of course. I love you.**

 

That was what Penelope had said when Josie had asked her. Tears pricked at Josie’s eyes at the memory from so long ago. She felt almost as if it were a lifetime ago. They were so young and unsuspecting then.

 

Josie didn’t understand what Penelope’s purpose was, having her go down memory lane. Nonetheless, she went on. She needed to speak to Penelope anyway.

 

The next tree had a picture of the certificate of the star that Josie had bought Penelope.

 

**Maybe I’m biased and I’m seeing things, but our star shines brighter than the rest of them.**

 

For their first anniversary, Josie had bought Penelope a star and named it Dunkin because of their memorable first/third night on Halloween. Penelope and Josie often laid on a blanket at night and tried to point out their star in the night sky. Josie had to agree that their star did shine brighter than all the others. Perhaps she too was biased and saw things.

 

Over another tree, a closeup picture of Murphy cutely sprawled out on the couch hung from the tree.

 

**The best thing in my life brought the second best thing into my life.**

 

For their second anniversary, Josie had gotten Penelope the black cat that quickly became Penelope’s best friend. The two bonded like no other and Penelope could barely stand to be away from her cat so long. Many times, Penelope just wanted to pack Murphy in a bag and bring her everywhere.

 

Josie loved Murphy. She wasn’t thrilled about cats, but Murphy had a special place in her heart. The black cat was sweet and loving, much like Penelope. Josie would be lying if she said she didn’t miss the cat.

 

On the next tree was a picture of them in the apartment they had shared together. Penelope had even drew a key instead of writing words.

 

While there were many good memories that happened in that apartment, Josie felt like their downwards spiral outweighed the good. Josie didn’t like to think about the heart wrenching moments of their tug of war battle during that time. Even more so, their inevitable breakup.

 

Josie tore her eyes from the picture, not wanting to dwell on the past for too long, except when she walked a few more feet. None of the trees had a lantern suspended from a branch accompanied with a picture. If this was supposed to be a timeline of their story, Josie assumed that this was a representation of their time away from each other. Although, she could faintly hear the song “Love Myself” by Hope’s girlfriend, Hailee Steinfeld lowly playing from a hidden speaker. Josie gave a small smile at what she supposes is Penelope’s way of making light of a situation.

 

Finally, after what felt like the longest walk of her life, she was nearing the end of the trail. And there was yet another lantern lit tree with a picture attached to it. There was a picture of the receipt of Penelope’s order from the day they met again.

 

**Fate brought us together again.**

 

Penelope didn’t think much of fate or soulmates, but then she told Josie that she believed in them now because of her during the time when Penelope asked Josie to be her girlfriend.

 

When she reached the end of the trail, she saw one last tree with a lantern dangling from the branch. Although, instead of one large picture being displayed on the tree, there were multiple mini pictures. They were recent pictures that both Penelope and Josie took. There was a selfie of them after they met at the coffee shop, a picture they took on New Year’s Eve, one of them and all the pets, and more recently, a picture they took two days ago from their game night.

 

The picture only caused more hurt in Josie’s heart. She was reminded of how utterly alone she felt when she woke up to the cold sheets and the empty bed. She was mad all over again.

 

As she continued, she noticed there was a faint trail of rose petals. She tried to disregard the petals but as she continued on her journey, the amount of petals scattered on the ground gradually increased.

 

She had made it to where the trail leads to shore. Her eyes were met with a giant projector playing a slideshow consisting of various of pictures and short videos that Penelope or Josie had taken of them together. Josie guessed that it was a slideshow of the rest of the pictures and videos that they had accumulated over the years that didn’t fit into the timeline that Penelope was trying to convey. The one that was currently playing was when they were snuggled up in Josie’s bed and Penelope kept trying to tickle her, but Josie was trying her hardest not to squirm and laugh. It then transitioned into a candid picture of them after a concert they’d gone to together in one of the early days of their relationship. Followed by a goofy video of Josie dramatically lip syncing a song she had dedicated to Penelope as the brown eyed girl drove and Penelope recorded. With every one of the pictures and videos that played, the context of them replayed in Josie’s mind. A nostalgic smile appeared on Josie’s face.

 

Despite her rollercoaster of emotions, Josie watched the slideshow until they started replaying. She continued on the lantern and rose petal filled path towards the gazebo. There, she finally saw the girl she’d been meaning to talk to standing nervously by the stairs of the gazebo with her hands behind her back in a gorgeous emerald dress. As she got closer, she noticed that her hair was lightly curled and her makeup was well done. Josie felt underdressed in her jeans and pullover.

 

“Hey.” Penelope greeted.

 

“Hi.” Josie shortly replied.

 

She was still unsettled about the whole situation. She looked around and saw that the gazebo was decorated in a slightly similar manner to when Penelope had asked her to be her girlfriend in. There were chairs on opposite sides of the small table with a frame sitting on one chair, the fairy lights lit up the gazebo in combination with the candles perched on the railings. The ground surrounding the table was littered with a plethora of rose petals.

 

“Thank you for coming.” Penelope expressed.

 

“Well, I almost didn’t.” Josie truthfully bit back, her anger bubbling up again. Josie’s eyebrows rose expectantly. “Did you think you could apologize in a stupid card and then have my sister give me a card that you wrote that was somewhat cute. And then you think having me go down memory lane was fun? All it did was remind me of what I basically lost.”

 

A flash of hurt spread across Penelope’s face except she played it off. “I’m so fucking sorry Josie. I’ll tell you that until the day I die. I know that nothing I say will ever make up for the amount of pain and agony I must’ve put you through.”

 

“I was so alone and lost. You promised me that you were all in this, but do you know how dumb I felt when I woke up and you weren’t there? I was in a panic and I thought you lied to me. I thought that you had changed but with the way you just ran away showed me that the old you is still there and it took over.” Josie ranted.

 

“I am all in this. That’s what this whole thing was about. I know my timing is a little questionable and my execution could’ve been way better, but…” Penelope trailed off with a deep sigh.

 

Penelope continued on. “I’ve always been exposed to love that falls apart. To my left and to my right I always saw relationships that didn’t work out and it scared me. That’s why I ran away from you three years ago. I thought that we were made to break, but not anymore. I know that we’re stronger than that and if meeting again and falling in love all over again isn’t a sign of it all, then I don’t know what is.”

 

Penelope brought forward the book she had been holding behind her back. “This is the sketchbook from our second anniversary. I worked tirelessly over the past two days to draw our story all while I worked with Lizzie and Davina to help me plan and set up everything.” Penelope showed Josie the drawings that she had done in the book, turning the pages after Josie examined them. Josie was in awe at the intricate drawings Penelope had done. She had almost forgotten how talented the girl was.

 

Penelope stopped on the page where she drew their game night from two days ago. She cleared her throat.

 

“The morning, I woke up at about 6am and I just watched you sleeping peacefully with your arms around me and your breath hitting my neck. It was in that moment that I knew that I didn’t want to hold back any longer. We’d waited long enough. Although we’ve only really been together again for three months, but known each other for seven, yet I feel like I’ve known you my whole life and everything with you just clicks.” Penelope rambled.

 

With a deep breath, she shakily handed the open sketchbook to Josie. She walked up the small set of stairs and over to the small rounded table and Josie instinctively followed. Instead of there being a bouquet of roses in a vase, there was one single black rose laying on the table along with two more envelopes. One was labeled ‘If you say yes…” and the other was labeled “If you say no…”

 

“A black rose can convey many meanings. Often times it means death and mourning, but it can also mean the beginning of new things and major change. It can signal a birth of a new era.” Penelope drawled on. “That being said, don’t do it now, do it when I leave-”

 

“Leave? Where are you going?” Josie interrupted.

 

Penelope sighed. “It’s a big decision that you’ll have to make. I don’t want to stick around and pressure you or anything, so when I leave, turn the page. There will be a question for you to answer. Then, pick up the card with whatever you decide and give it to me tomorrow. You know where to find me.”

 

With that, Penelope left without a word. After trying to process everything, Josie finally did as instructed and turned the page. In the sketch, Penelope appeared to be down on one knee showing off a glimmering ring taped to the page. The words “Will You Marry Me?” was neatly written above.

 

Tears brimmed in her eyes once again. She pieced together everything that had happened tonight. Penelope had made a timeline of their time together. She thought back to how on the last tree before the exit of off the trail, there was a blank tree. That tree symbolized the next chapter of their lives. Penelope’s “The feeling was mutual. I’m hoping the feeling is still mutual” made sense. Penelope was well aware of Josie’s conflicting emotions. Josie observed how visibly nervous she was because she knew there was a high possibility that she would say no.

 

Josie knew her answer. She hastily picked up the card and went in search of the girl.

 

The brown eyed girl ran after Penelope but it seemed like the girl had vanished into thin air. She sighed in defeat and retreated back to her car. On the way back, she saw her sister lingering in the parking lot.

 

“Hey Liz,” Josie called out, running up to her.

 

“Hey Jo.” Lizzie greeted, noticing the envelope in Josie’s hand.

 

Josie wanted to ask how they managed to pull all this off or when they became well enough friends so that she would help Penelope, but instead she asked the question that was of top priority. “Have you seen Penelope?”

 

Lizzie shook her head. “No, sorry. I’ve been helping Davina clean up everything.”

 

Josie didn’t even notice that on her way back, some of the beautiful decorations had been picked up and put away. “Oh, thanks.”

 

Lizzie only nodded in response and Josie got in her car. It was getting late and Penelope had told her to give it to her tomorrow. Josie got home and laid on her empty bed, staring straight up at the ceiling.

 

Josie doesn’t know when she fell asleep, but she did. It must’ve been the emotional toll of the day’s events. She woke up the next morning as if she hadn’t slept at all, however. She was utterly exhausted.

 

She forced herself out of bed and started getting ready for today. It was going to be the beginning of a new era and Josie wasn’t quite sure if she was prepared. But it was a risk she was willing to take.

 

By the time she was all set to go over to see Penelope, it was around noon. She figured that was a good time. Josie knocked on the door to Penelope’s apartment with the envelope in hand. She waited impatiently for the girl to open the door.

 

The door swung open and Penelope looked up, visibly surprised to see Josie this early. Penelope still wore her pajamas. This time, it felt like she was the one underdressed in comparison to Josie’s casual dress and wavy hair.

 

“Hey, come on in.” Penelope invited.

 

Josie entered without a word and Murph immediately pranced over to the girl when she sat down on the couch opposite of Penelope.

 

The two sat in awkward silence while the black cat brushed up against Josie’s leg, purring loudly. “Hey Murph.” Josie cooed as she leaned down and pet her. Penelope’s palms grew sweaty from her anxiousness.

 

After a few minutes of silence other than the sound of Murph’s purring and meowing, the cat was satisfied with the amount of love she’d received, Murphy strutted away and found a comfortable spot on the rug by them. Soon enough, she fell asleep.

 

“Oh, um.” Josie stuttered, handing the card to Penelope.

 

Penelope looked at it with a blank expression. Josie felt inclined to say something. “I’m sorry. I love you, but I’m not ready. We’re not ready for this. Not now at least. You ran away with no way for me to get ahold of you. We specifically made sure to communicate to each other about everything, and then we went days without speaking. Then you spring something as big as this on to me? I can’t. I’m not emotionally ready yet.”

“When you left, I guess some abandonment issues bubbled up that caused me to panic. My mind went to the worst possible scenarios. And then your grand proposal was all cute and everything, except  it didn’t quell my anxiety. Your apology was brushed over and I told myself on the drive there that whatever reason you come up with for why you left is unforgivable.” Josie spoke.

 

“You taking this time to come up with a proposal was definitely not a reason that I had conjured up in my brain. But, Penelope, we don’t even live together yet. We’ve only been seeing each other again for a few months. Although it’s been great and I love you, I just can’t find it in my heart yet to look the other way.” Josie gulped, tears were freely falling from her eyes. “When you left, my self esteem took a tumble. I thought that I had overcome all of my baggage, but I think I just stored it away, never fully dealing with it. Then, when I saw you standing there, normally I felt love and adoration, but I felt rage and confusion. That’s not the feelings that I should have when I see you again. So, I’m sorry. I can’t marry you.”

 

Josie stood up and saw herself out. Just before leaving, Josie spoke some final words to her.  “You were right, we were inevitably made to break. I’ll see you around, Penelope.” Penelope stayed frozen in her spot. She wiped away her mess of tears she didn’t even know she’d let escape. She glazed over the note and reread it over and over again.

 

**‘If You Say No…’**

 

**I completely understand your decision, I kinda expected it really. That’s partially why I didn’t want to stick around to see your reaction or your answer. Then, with that extra day for you to decide, I could pretend that it’s another day that I have you in my life. But all good things come to an end. A part of me was still hopeful though. My timing is never right and I always seem to mess up. I wish things could’ve worked out in our favor, but I respect your decision. Trust is a hard thing to earn and I think that with me leaving in the way that I did forever broke your trust in me. And because you said no, I’m assuming that I broke it beyond repair. You’re probably tired of hearing me say this by now but I’m so sorry.**

 

**I’ll always love you Josie. Take care. We’ll see if fate pulls us back together again. Maybe then it can be our time.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the memories. Yeah I borrowed some things from Amar a Muerte and The Originals. And what about it?
> 
> \--
> 
> Here is what the 'If You Say Yes...' card would've said.
> 
> Turn the frame over. It reads
> 
> The Night She Said Yes  
> The Stars Above  
> Mystic Falls, Virginia  
> January 14, 2025 
> 
> I can't wait to marry you baby. It can be tomorrow or five years from now. It doesn't matter to me. Just as long as I get to call you my wife. Mrs. & Mrs. Park-Saltzman? I like the sound of that.
> 
> I think by now, we've established that these astrology frames are our thing. And was thinking that when we do get married that we can get another frame for the date that we got married on. That way, we can have a fourth and final frame to add to our collection. 
> 
> I love you Josie. You're my soulmate. My best friend. My fiancé. I promise to never stop loving you.
> 
> \--
> 
> Honestly, not too thrilled with how this chapter came out, but this is about as good as it's gonna get. Come yell at me for the way this ended. Actually, I was originally making it a happy ending but Yanka convinced me to end it this way. So you can blame her. Lemme know what you think, my twitter is @lmjposie
> 
> Edit: Surprise, gonna add an epilogue. :P


	11. Like To Be You

**_Don’t cry, or do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I’m tired too._ **

 

After rereading the card that Penelope had wrote at least five times, she came to her senses. She darted off the couch and hastily grabbed her keys off of the counter. She ran barefoot out the door to chase after Josie. She figured that she’d be long gone by now. She didn’t see her in the hallway or in the lobby. She ran out into the parking lot and searched for her. Penelope must’ve ran to the end of the parking lot before she pressed her hands to her face, ready to give up. With a heavy heart, she began retreating back to her apartment. Except, on the way back she saw the familiar car that she hadn’t noticed on her frantic search for the girl. There, she saw Josie crying in her car.

 

Penelope figured she had nothing left to lose. So, she took a deep breath in, gathering up what was left of her courage and made her way over to the car. Hesitantly, Penelope knocked at the window. Josie must not have noticed her coming her way because of the way that she got startled at the sudden noise. Josie started wiping away her tears, trying her hardest to look presentable. She took a shaky breath in before she rolled down her window.

 

**_There’s nothin’ left to say, let’s call a truce. ‘Cause I don’t really wanna go to bed like this._ **

 

Josie opened her mouth to speak, but Penelope quickly interrupted her. “Please don’t yell.”

 

Josie shut her mouth and quietly nodded. She was exhausted and honestly too tired to fight and longer.

 

**_I’m so sorry. We’re still stuck in the middle. I’m so sorry._ **

 

Penelope took this as a sign for her to go on. “I know that I said that I respect your decision, but I just can’t leave it at that. I know I’m all out of second chances and it’ll take everything for you to forgive me, but please, I’m begging you, don’t end it like this. How can we be connected to each other for so long but we’re not destined to be together?”

 

“I understand that you can’t marry me. That’s fine. I get your reasoning, but does that have to be the end of our entire relationship? I messed up. I know. I’ll work tirelessly day and night to make it up to you.” Penelope pleaded. “I’m totally 100% all in this. Are you?”

 

“I can give you time away from me because I know you said that you feel rage and confusion when you look at me. But when you’re ready, can we please try and pick up the pieces? We fought to be with each other for so long, this can’t be how it ends.”

 

Josie wanted to shake her head, to tell her that she thinks this is for the best. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs everything she’s kept bottled up inside of her. Despite the simmering rage and confusion still lingering at the sight of her (ex) girlfriend, she couldn’t. Instead, she said, “Penelope… I honestly don’t know.”

 

Penelope nodded. It wasn’t a complete rejection, but it also wasn’t a confirmation.

 

**_I don’t know what it’s like to be you. I don’t know what it’s like but I’m dying to. If I could put myself in your shoes, then I know what it’s like to be you._ **

 

“Josie, I thought I knew everything about you. I thought I knew exactly how your mind works, but I don’t. But that’s okay. Because I love unravelling the way that your mind works. It’s methodical and intricate, so I never know what to expect. And I don’t know what it’s like to be you. I can’t even imagine how much pain I caused you in the past two days. I got so caught up in making everything perfect, but it all turned out imperfect because I forgot to pay attention to what I care about most. A single text or a phone call may have been enough to save everything. I’m stupid for not seeing that sooner.” Penelope leaned off of the car and stuck her hands in her pockets.

 

“Just think about it, will you?” Penelope requested softly.

 

Josie silently nodded and rolled up the window as Penelope went back inside. She was torn. That was exactly the kind of apology that she had hoped Penelope would give last night. But like she convinced herself, it wasn’t enough to forgive her. And it was a little too late. It took losing her for her to see it.

 

\--

 

After the breakup, Josie threw herself into her music. And a bit over a year later, Josie’s music career has actually taken off. Her album that she had written inspired by Penelope, whom she hadn’t seen since that day in the parking lot, was released and it garnered quite a lot of attention. She quickly sprung into fame and Josie was just coming back from her first tour. She’d became one of the hottest up-and-coming artists and even won a handful of awards, one being Best New Artist. Her songs would play in shops and restaurants that she’d go in to and she’d be recognized wherever she went. She was living on cloud nine. She was already working on her next album, she got to meet and see thousands of fans at her shows, she was able to meet some of the people she idolized growing up. This was exactly what she’d dreamed of. Except she wasn’t totally happy.

 

She still thought about Penelope all the time. How couldn’t she when her songs were literally written after the girl and she’d have to perform them? When she would be asked what inspired her to write the album, without fail, she’d get a pang in her chest. She wondered how Penelope was, but she refused to give in. She wondered if Penelope heard her songs and knew the songs were about her. She wondered how the girl felt about it all.

 

Josie has dealt with her feelings. Tour life was long and grueling, but nothing compared to how she felt without Penelope. She too started seeing a therapist to deal with everything she’d tucked away. Her therapist helped her work things out so she no longer thought about Penelope and had negative emotions towards her. Now, Josie wished she could turn back time and do it all over again. She’d wish she picked up the ‘If You Say Yes…’ card. She wished she didn’t have to see the pained look on Penelope’s face outside of her car window. She wished that she was with Penelope. And in a sense, she was. The songs served as her only reminder of her.  A new friend of hers spoke wise words that “if a writer falls in love with you, they’re never going to die.” Josie never thought about how true that was. Even though their relationship was dead, the memory of her lived on in her brain and now it’ll exist forever in the universe.

 

Hope and Lizzie had become her shoulder to cry on. Although they weren’t physically with her on tour, they were just a phone call away. Josie would rant about her feelings for Penelope and they’d listen. They learned quickly that they weren’t allowed to say anything other than words of comfort and sympathy because Josie was so stubborn and didn’t want to just go running back into Penelope’s life.

 

Josie had just gotten off the plane, and was waiting for Hope to come and pick her up. She would’ve asked Lizzie to, but apparently her sister had been seeing this guy and he invited her to spend the weekend with him up in New York. She’d been waiting for a little while, taking pictures with fans who had happened to notice her. Josie didn’t want to stay for too much longer because she knows there’d be a surge of fans rushing there to meet her. So, she was seconds away from calling herself an Uber when Hope texted her.

 

**Hope: Pulling up. Sorry she’s a little late!**

**Josie: “She’s” ?????**

**Hope: Surprise, Penelope’s picking you up. You’re welcome in advance x**

 

Before Josie could reply, a familiar car pulled up in front of Josie. It also happened to be the only vacant spot in the passenger pickup location of the airport. And she saw an equally as shocked Penelope Park driving the vehicle. Josie had two feelings in this moment: 1) She wanted to kill Hope Mikaelson 2) She wanted the ground to swallow her up hole so she didn’t have to be in this situation.

 

She saw Penelope getting out of the car and Josie couldn’t run away now. Penelope had driven a while to get here and it would be rude of her to tell her she found another way home. Penelope stood a good distance in front of her uncomfortably.

 

“Did Hope fool you too?” Josie spoke first.

 

“Yep.” Penelope replied, shoving her hands in her back pockets. “She told me that I’d be picking her up.”

 

“That sneaky little bitch.” Josie laughed.

 

“Yeah…” Penelope clicked and teetered on her heels back and forth. “Well we should get going before security yells at us for holding up traffic.”

 

Josie nodded. “Right.”

 

Penelope popped the trunk and wordlessly helped Josie with her bags. They settled into the car and Josie sat in the passenger seat wondering how she’d make it out of this terribly uncomfortable hour and a half long drive back to Josie’s place. Obviously she missed Penelope and thought about her a lot, but she wasn’t about to say it. Instead, she opted for mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. Things were fine up until Josie’s phone unexpectedly shuts off and she cursed herself for forgetting to grab the portable charger from her bag.

 

She puffed in frustration and leaned her head back against the headrest. To add it all, she just noticed they were sitting in a deafening silence. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

 

“Do you mind if I turn on the radio?” Josie spoke up not wanting to suffer in silence any longer.

 

“Go for it.” Penelope shrugged.

 

Josie turned it on and with just her luck, her song Fallin’ All In You came on. Her eyes widened and she haphazardly pressed the first button she could find, successfully changing the station. She sighed in relief when she heard that the radio station she’d switched to was on a commercial break. But quickly, her voice filled the car as a snippet of her song played in an advertisement for her tour. She again switched the station, and was happy when she heard another artist’s song playing on the radio. She leaned back and quietly sung along while she saw Penelope stared straight ahead at the road. To her disappointment, the song ended and her song Nervous came on. She groaned to herself and changed the station yet again. She settled on a smooth jazz station, even though she wasn’t a big fan of that sort of music, there was zero possibility for one of her songs to come up.

 

They listened to the melodious sounds of the saxophone for a short while when Penelope spoke up. “You know we can listen to your music, right? You didn’t need to change it.”

 

“I know, I just…” Josie trailed off.

 

Penelope briefly noticeably took her eyes off the road for the first time the entire ride (truthfully, she’d been stealing a couple of glances out of the corner of her eye for the majority of the drive so far, but Josie hadn’t noticed). “Hmm?” She hummed.

 

“I just didn’t know if you wanted to…” Josie paused. “Or if you heard them.”

 

Penelope chuckled, “Yeah, I’ve heard them. Hard not to since you’re basically a superstar.”

 

Josie turned to look out the window, blushing slightly. So Penelope continued on. “I know you don’t particularly like to listen to yourself sing, but I think the lyrics are phenomenal and your voice makes it twenty times better.”

 

Josie’s cheeks were crimson by now. She missed how Penelope would always praise her singing. In all honesty, Josie owes her whole career to Penelope. Besides her debut album being inspired by her, Penelope had been the one to push her to take her music more seriously. And during their time together, Penelope had always been so understanding of Josie’s commitments to music. “Thank you.” She mumbled.

 

Penelope smiled to herself and returned her attention back to the road. When she came at a stoplight, she leaned over the center console and reached into the glove compartment. Josie held her breath for the few seconds that Penelope was in her space. Being that close to her was intoxicating like always. Penelope grabbed what she was looking for and inserted a disc into her car’s CD player and the strumming of a guitar to a familiar tune carried throughout the car.

 

Immediately upon recognition, Josie turned to look at Penelope. “No way,” She gasped. “You bought my album?”

 

Penelope shrugged nonchalantly. “The songs were really good.” She began tapping her fingers to the beat of the song on the steering wheel.

 

“Thank you, but who even buys CDs anymore?” Josie half laughed. She was slowly beginning to feel comfortable in her ex’s presence again.

 

“I do!” Penelope reasoned. “This CD sale did help you buy those $1200 shoes though.” Penelope pointed to the expensive sneakers on Josie’s feet. Josie took note of how Penelope noticed what she was wearing.

 

“Well yeah, but any normal person would just buy the album off of iTunes or listen to it on Spotify.” Josie rationalized.

 

Penelope didn’t have an answer yet. She just continued to stare at the road, but her cheeks broke out into a grin. “Maybe I also bought it because I know the songs are about me.”

 

Josie’s stomach flipped. She didn’t know whether or not she should be happy that Penelope knew that the songs are about her or if she should be in a panic because the majority of the songs aren’t really happy songs.Josie sat back in her chair and looked straight ahead.

 

“I don’t mind though. I always liked being your muse.” Penelope voiced. It didn’t have a bitter tone to it, it wasn’t necessarily sad either. Although it had a nostalgic ring to it, it was just a truthful remark.

 

Somehow after the lighthearted conversation, most of the awkwardness fell away. And after that, they just fell into step, talking about anything and everything like they used to. It was like that feeling that you could go so long without talking but as soon as you see eachother again and get reacquainted, you’re talking as if no time had passed at all.

 

**_Can I kiss you or not? ‘Cause I’m not really sure right now of what you want._ **

 

They’d managed to breeze by their initially daunting hour and a half drive. Penelope had taken the exit leading back into Mystic Falls. “I never asked where I should drive you to. Do you still live in the same apartment?” Penelope asked, otherwise changing the topic from Josie’s first time singing at a sold out show.

 

“No, I moved.” Josie informed her. “Sorry, I can put it into your GPS for you? I’d put it into mine, but my phone is dead.”

 

“Thank you.” Penelope absentmindedly handed her phone to Josie after unlocking it.

 

“Your background is still the picture of us?” Josie queried.

 

Penelope had totally forgotten that the background picture on her phone was a picture they had taken on the couch of Penelope’s apartment. Josie had stolen her phone the day they took it and made it Penelope’s background picture. At the time, Penelope didn’t care, it was a cute picture of them and her girlfriend at the time looked stunning. “I never changed it.”

 

At times like this, when they were dating, Josie would’ve just leaned over and kissed her because she always managed to say the cutest things. But they weren’t dating anymore. So, Josie decided not to say anything and just entered her new address into Penelope’s phone.

 

The rest of the car ride was silent other than the faint sound of the radio. They’d finished listening to Josie’s album long ago, so they had resorted to listening to the radio again. Normally, Penelope usually had an aux cord, but she said that her friend had borrowed it and never gave it back.

 

They pulled up to Josie’s new apartment, and it was visibly nicer than her previous place. Josie handed Penelope’s phone back to her. “Wow.” Penelope whistled.

 

Josie didn’t get the chance to respond because before she could say anything, Penelope’s phone buzzed in her hand. Penelope quickly glanced down and shook her head with a smile.

 

Josie got a bit uneasy all over again. “So are you seeing anyone?” Josie fumbled with her fingers in her hand.

 

Penelope laughed dryly. “Nope.” She stuffed her phone back in her pocket.

 

Josie nodded. She didn’t know where she was going with that. “Oh.” She said.

 

“Hard to date anyone when your ex that you’re still in love with is literally a world famous superstar.” Penelope admitted. As soon as she said it, her eyes went wide and she silently cursed herself for being so careless to let something as big as that slip.

 

Josie’s heart skipped a beat and her mouth went dry while her mind was working a million miles a minute. “You’re still in love with me?”

 

Penelope sighed. She couldn’t lie about it, “A year and a half later and I’m still not over you. You have a spell over me, Josie Saltzman.”

 

Josie contemplated on whether or not she should say it or not. But, she figured why the hell not? She really missed having Penelope around. She’d be back in Mystic Falls for three months before she had to go back to Los Angeles. In that time, she could either get closure or see where their relationship takes them. “I’m not over you either.” She mumbled.

 

Penelope gave her a tight lipped smile, not knowing where this could lead them.

 

“Do you wanna come inside?” Josie offered nervously.

 

Penelope was in all honesty about to decline, being this close to Josie again was dangerous and she didn’t want to fall anymore in love with the girl. Josie had made her decision at the car window over a year ago. It broke Penelope, but as she told her ex before, she respected her decision. But Josie was like a magnet and her irrational thinking got the better of her and so she said, “Sure.”

 

They promptly got out of the car and walked in silence back to Josie’s apartment. Upon entry, Penelope was blown away at how spacious it was. When they moved from the entryway into living room, Penelope was surprised at how simple everything was. Josie’s apartment wasn’t all that extravagant and seemed like something an average person would have.

 

“I can give you a tour if you want?” Josie offered politely.

 

Penelope shook her head, “I don’t want to trouble you.”

 

“It’s really no big deal. I invited you in, I’d be a bad hostess if I didn’t.” Josie half-joked.

 

Penelope wordlessly nodded and followed Josie around the large apartment. They went through the office area, the master bedroom, master bath, guest bedroom, extra bathroom, and balcony.

 

“The place looks amazing, Josie. But it wasn’t at all what I was expecting.  

 

“You know how much I’m not a fan of materialistic things so I tried to keep this place as simple as possible. But in LA I have an apartment that’s considerably nicer than this one.” Josie truthfully shrugged.

 

“I get that. Why haven’t you moved everything to LA though?” Penelope asked curiously.

 

Josie pondered for a moment. “I think of this place as an escape from the whole music industry.”

 

“How do you mean?” Penelope genuinely responded, loving how Josie’s mind worked. She cursed herself for letting her feelings bubble up again.

 

“Well, the music industry is a toxic place. My whole mindset was thrown in for a loop when I was thrust into there. I’m thankful that my label is so understanding and supportive but sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe.” Josie was stumbling over her words because of how truthful and how raw she was being. “I’m suffocated from being another version of myself, the version of me that’s inauthentic just for the cameras and tabloids. I need an escape sometimes, so I come here.” Josie stared emotionlessly at the floor, thinking about all the horrors that come with being in the industry.

 

Penelope put a comforting hand on Josie’s shoulder to comfort the girl. She had no idea what Josie had been going through. She didn’t realize the strain that came at the price of her fame. “Is that why there’s nothing about or from your music career in here? I noticed that you didn’t have your certification plaques or your any awards.”

 

“Do you follow my career?” Josie broke from her tranced state and looked at Penelope, even laughed a little.

 

Penelope playfully scoffed. “What?? No…” She tried avoiding eye contact.

 

Josie’s jaw dropped. “It all makes sense now, that’s why my album was in your car! You’re totally a fan!” Josie laughed. “You’re not going to make me autograph something for you, are you?”

 

Penelope rolled her eyes lightheartedly, completely ignoring her last comment. “I’ve always been a fan of yours. I’ve literally been here since day one. Can any of your real fans say that?” She poked her tongue out.

 

“I know. Thank you for believing in me. I really wouldn’t be in the industry at all if it weren’t for you.”

 

“Jo, you don’t need to thank me. _You_ yourself are the reason why you’re in the industry, not me. I only encouraged you to sing, but you took the step into putting yourself out there and because of it, your talent is finally being seen by the world. And I know you’re inspiring others out there to do the same.

 

**_Are you still mad at me? I’m hopin’ not._ **

 

Josie smiled at her kind words. Despite what she said, she still thinks that she owes her entire career to her. But she decided to drop the topic and returned back onto the serious note. “I come here because in this apartment I have the things that mean the most to me in it. The things that the media can’t touch or have any affect on. The things that remind me of who I am.” The corners of Josie’s mouth lifted into a small smile once again. “I’ve got the participation awards and certificates that Lizzie and I got when we were kids, the souvenirs my mom always got me when she was out traveling, the first guitar my dad ever bought me, my degree from the college we graduated from.” Josie looked down and mumbled almost inaudibly. “The frames from when we were dating.”

 

Penelope almost didn’t catch it but she heard it, and she looked up to meet Josie’s fragile gaze.

 

**_I’m so sorry though we’re still stuck in the middle. Yeah I’m so sorry._ **

 

Josie deeply sighed, “We’ve been tiptoeing around the topic, it was only a matter of time until it got back to it. We can’t ignore it like it didn’t happen. It’s long overdue and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you after that day when you were at my car window. It’s funny, I could write all these songs _about_ you, but I could never find the right words to say _to_ you. But I’m going to try now.”

 

“When we were dating, you had always been the broken one. Then you got help and we got back together again. Then the roles were reversed. I became the broken one. I should’ve let you help me. And I wish I didn’t run, but like you said all those years ago, if you love something, let it go. And if it comes back to you, it was meant to be.”

 

“Look at us, we’re here together again. It’s like there’s a force of gravity pulling me towards you. No matter how much resistance I put up, I always end up coming back to you. It’s like we’re a solar system. I’m the moon and you’re the Earth and I’m orbiting around you. This has to mean that we are meant to be.”

 

“I’m sorry that I rejected your proposal and just ended it all when we could’ve saved what we had and worked through it. I know that it took a lot of guts for you to do that, and I’m sorry. And when you begged me by my car door for me to not give up on us, I’m so sorry that I did.”

 

“You’d asked me if we could pick up the pieces, and I’m a year late, but I’d really like to try. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you for how I have hurt you. I love you and that’s not ever going to change. I’ve loved you since the first day I laid eyes on you back in college and I’ll go to my grave loving you. I can’t shake that feeling.”

 

**_Yeah, I’m so sorry ‘cause in the moment I don’t know what it’s like to be you. I don’t know what it’s like but I’m dying to_ **

 

“If your offer has expired and you don’t want to try again, I get it. I really do. I just know that if I never told you how I felt. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. And that we could get some much needed closure. So we could like… move on from each other. I-If you wanted to.” Josie had been coherent and composed the entire time, but by the end she suddenly got self conscious and nervous again at the prospect that she’s holding her heart out on a silver platter but it could be dumped into the trash.

 

Penelope was at a loss for words. She had so many thoughts and emotions coursing through her veins. She sat there processing everything while Josie shuffled awkwardly in front of her, waiting for a response.

 

“Josie I-.” Penelope started but she couldn’t piece together a cogent sentence.

 

Josie pursed her lips and looked down in defeat. She knew that it was too late and was preparing to be politely rejected.

 

She was stunned when she felt Penelope invade her space, reach up, and crash her lips into hers. It took a moment for her to realize what was happening before she reciprocated the kiss. Their mouths moved together expertly. To Josie, there was no feeling better than Penelope’s lips on hers.

 

Then, Penelope pulled away and rested her forehead against Josie’s. They stared into each other’s eyes. “I love you too. I’ve never once stopped loving you.”

 

Josie grinned from ear to ear before capturing the girl’s lips once more. Penelope instinctively closed her eyes and followed her lead. Both girls thought they’d never see the day where they were back together again. They were floating on a cloud.

 

**_Tell me what’s inside of your head. No matter what you say I won’t love you less. And I’d be lying if I said that I do_ **

 

Shortly after their make up and make out session, they settled onto the couch before things could get any more heated. Josie’s head rested on Penelope’s lap as Penelope ran her fingers through Josie’s hair. No words needed to be said in that moment, they missed each other’s company and they were drunk off of each other’s touches. Penelope suddenly stilled her motions, getting lost in thought.

 

Josie took notice and curiously looked up at the girl. “What’s on your mind?”

 

“I’m just thinking about us. We’ve basically been in love with each other for almost a decade. Can you believe that? You know the phrase ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder?’” Penelope continued her motions.

 

Josie hummed in response. “Yeah, why?”

 

“I think that their statement both true and false. True in the sense that in that decade, we’d spent more than half of it running from each other, but now I feel that we’re grown ups and we know not to run from our problems anymore. We’ve made promises in the past that we couldn’t keep but I think this is the strongest we’ve ever been. I feel secure in knowing that there’s nobody else out there for me. You referenced me being the Earth and you’re the moon, but I feel like it’s the other way around. Because I think of you as my world. Going off of that metaphor, there’s life on Earth. I see that there’s life _in_ you and I see my life _with_ you. There has to be life on other planets, in this case, there could be life in other people and my life could be with them but I don’t want to venture out there. I’m sticking to you and only you.”

 

Josie didn’t know that it was possible, but she fell more in love with her right then and there.

 

“False in the fact that, when I’m with you I’m addicted to the feeling of your lips on my lips or your skin on mine. So having distance would be a problem for that.” Penelope giggled.

 

“Marry me.” Josie spoke aloud.

 

“Wait what?” Penelope cutely furrowed a brow. Josie sat up and turned to Penelope.

 

“Marry me.” Josie repeated.

 

“You’re joking, right?” Penelope chuckled nervously. “We’re not even technically together.”

 

“No, I’m being serious. I love you, you love me. You say cute shit about how there’s nobody else out there for you and I honestly don’t believe I could ever love someone else. It’s not a grand proposal like yours was, but I don’t want to wait any longer. I’m sure of everything now and I just want to marry you.”

 

**_I get worried I might lose you a little everytime we argue and get caught up in the moment_ **

 

Penelope had this troubled look in her face like she didn’t know about it.

 

“You were ready to get married to me before, so what do you say now?” Josie tried, eyes full of hope.

 

“Josie…” Penelope moved a little in her seat. Josie panicked, thinking she was going to reject her and leave.

“Penelope, don’t leave.” She pleaded, putting an arm out to stop her..

 

Penelope’s face softened. “Do you want to know what the ‘If You Say Yes…’ card said?”

 

Josie timidly nodded. So Penelope continued. “It said, ‘I can't wait to marry you baby. It can be tomorrow or five years from now. It doesn't matter to me. Just as long as I get to call you my wife. Mrs. & Mrs. Park-Saltzman? I like the sound of that.  
  
I think by now, we've established that these astrology frames are our thing. And was thinking that when we do get married that we can get another frame for the date that we got married on. That way, we can have a fourth and final frame to add to our collection.   
  
I love you Josie. You're my soulmate. My best friend. My fiancé. I promise to never stop loving you.”

 

Josie cooed. “Does that mean yes?”

 

Penelope nodded with a wide smile. “Of course it means yes. And it’s still true. I’ll marry you today, tomorrow, five years from now, I don’t care.”

 

Josie squealed in excitement and wrapped her arms around the girl’s neck. She pressed her lips into Penelope’s sealing it with a kiss.

 

Penelope pulled back with pure contentment on her face. “I love you Josie Park-Saltzman.”

 

“I love you too, Penelope Park-Saltzman.” Josie grinned.

 

And as fate would have it… They magically found their way back to one another (With a little push from Hope Mikaelson). They got married a couple of months later. They got two more frames, the date Penelope said yes and the date they got married, to match the previous two mile marker frames. Josie’s career continued to take off and Penelope was there to support her every step of the way. There were fights, of course, but they worked through it. There was no more running, no more avoiding each other, no more unnecessary drama. All there was was unconditional love, support, and communication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of it! Thank you guys so much for reading. I hope I did it justice for you all. To the best of my knowledge, there won't be a sequel to this because what more could I do with this?
> 
> However, I will be starting another Posie fic using Shawn Mendes' Illuminate albums. So be on the lookout for that. And I also have a few other song inspired oneshots cooking up in my brain if you wanna read any more of my works.
> 
> Thank you guys again. Let me know what you think. My twitter is @lmjposie.


End file.
